Page 125 of Time to Shine

“I know! That’s the best time to hot tub!” He stood. “Come on, Stacks. Christmas hot tub.”

“Maybe I’ll get a hot tub,” Casey mused. “For the backyard. Makes more sense than a pool.”

Landon sank lower in the hot tub and rested the back of his head on the edge so he could gaze up at the snowflakes falling all around them. “That sounds good.”

“Maybe a sauna too. Antton has one and it’s sweet.”

“You’ve used Antton’s sauna?”

“Jealous?”

“Of course I’m fucking jealous. Of you, I mean.” He paused. “Maybe also of Antton.”

Casey laughed, and Landon smiled up at the sky. The contrast between the frigid air and the hot water was exciting. It was exciting being here with Casey.

They sat side by side, even though they were alone and the tub was big enough for eight people. They were holding hands under the water.

It was truly a perfect moment, and Landon wished he could see a future where there’d be many more moments like this one.

“I should get an ice bathtub too,” Casey said. “A lot of the guys are getting those. You’d like that, right?”

Landon didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he had to say it. “You’re talking like I’m going to be there. Living with you.”

Casey was silent for a long moment, the water churning between them. Then he said, “There has to be a way.”

There wasn’t. Landon would always be grateful for everything that had changed in his life these past several weeks—talking things out with his parents, making peace with his past behavior, meeting Casey, kissing Casey, learning that he could, in fact, enjoy sex with another person. These were incredible things, and he loved that Casey had been there for all of them, but Landon knew he’d be moving forward with his life alone.

“You okay, Stacks?”

Landon blinked, and realized his eyes were wet. “Yeah,” he said. He let go of Casey’s hand to scoop some of the hot water and press it to his own face, hoping the evidence of tears would be camouflaged if his entire head was red and wet.

Casey wasn’t fooled. “What’s up?”

“Just thinking.” He knew that wouldn’t be a good enough answer, so he added, “This has been the best Christmas I’ve had since I was a kid.”

Casey took his hand back, and squeezed it. “I’m glad.”

Landon considered stopping there, but then words started spilling out of him. “I’ve spent so many years trying to be perfect, or trying to disappear. Trying to cope with being the one who got to—” He took a breath and continued. “To live without ever believing that I was worthy of it. It’s...lonely.”

Casey pulled Landon’s hand out of the water and kissed his knuckles. “I won’t let you be lonely anymore.”

Landon blinked away fresh tears, and held Casey’s gaze. “You can’t promise that. Not when I’m going—”

Casey shushed him, then kissed him. “We’re here now, okay?”

Landon nodded, his forehead rolling against Casey’s. “I’m ruining Christmas hot tub.”

“Impossible. Christmas hot tub is a journey.”

Landon laughed. Despite everything he was feeling, Casey made him laugh. “Let’s talk about something else. Please.”

Casey kissed him again and said, “Do you want to hear how jelly beans are made?”

Landon absolutely did.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Boxing Day was a long day of goodbyes. First to Casey’s family, as he and Landon had to drive back to Calgary, and then to Landon’s parents when they took them to the airport late in the afternoon. There had been lots of promises to keep in touch, an invitation to the Stackhouses to visit Florida, and a lot of frantic packing.

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