Page 6 of Role Model

Gen’s email had mentioned that she’d included one photo of Troy smiling, but she’d also suggested not using it. As soon as Harris opened that one, he barked out a laugh. Gen hadn’t been kidding; Troy’s smile looked like it had been trampled on. Not only did it not meet his eyes, it barely met his mouth.

Harris imagined if he’d been able to play in the NHL—if he’d been able to play hockey at all—he’d never stop smiling. Hell, he barely stopped smiling as it was.

Harris picked one of the stern-faced photos of Troy—they all looked more or less the same—and dropped it into the frame he’d created for posts that introduced new players.

“There you go, buddy,” he said as he posted it to the team’s Instagram account. “You’re officially a Centaur.”

Next he opened up the document that was a running list of questions he’d thought of for player Q and A videos. He began cutting and pasting a few into a new list that he titled Questions for Troy Barrett. In a few minutes, he had a decent list, but it contained none of the questions that Harris really wanted to ask. Questions about Dallas Kent that would definitely not be appropriate for a friendly promo video. But damn, Harris had so many questions.

When the first post about Kent had shown up on Reddit, Harris had been horrified, but not especially surprised. The woman, posting anonymously, described being raped by Kent at a party at his house. The post was long, and detailed, and very hard to read, but Harris had read every word. He’d also read every word of the infuriating replies that mocked, dismissed, or threatened the original poster. He’d read the equally dismissive conversations between hockey fans on social media. He’d watched and read the mainstream hockey media’s response, which was largely to defend Kent. And Harris had noted the way the league and its players were determined to either ignore the whole thing, or to loudly complain about how easy it was for people to make shit up on the internet.

More posts appeared online. More women with horrific stories of their own about Kent. Harris read them all, wishing there could be formal accusations that could lead to an arrest. He understood why the women were choosing to remain anonymous, though. He didn’t need to look any further than those awful replies to see why Kent’s victims weren’t pressing charges.

While there were plenty of guys in the Ottawa locker room who were disgusted by Kent, and wanted to see him in jail, none of them said anything publicly. Overall, the hockey world stayed silent about the Dallas Kent situation. The accusations made hockey players uncomfortable, and most were happy to ignore it.

Troy Barrett hadn’t ignored it. He’d been the only one who had stood up to Kent. Actually got in his face during team practice and called him a rapist. Clear as a fucking bell. Had Troy been a witness, or did he just know, after years of being Kent’s teammate and friend, what he was capable of? What had made him snap like that?

Arguments and even fights happened between teammates, and many had been caught on camera over the years. But hockey players had a tendency to stand behind their teammates when accusations of abuse or assault emerged. If Troy believed Kent’s victims, that was a pretty big deal. This sport, as much as Harris loved it, had a horrible track record when it came to punishing players for, well, anything, really. Troy couldn’t be all bad.

Though, Harris considered, you could be horrified by the actions of a sexual predator and still find time to be grossed out by gay men. So maybe he still sucked.

For reasons he couldn’t quite explain, Harris opened the photo of Troy trying to smile again. Instead of laughing this time, Harris contemplated Troy’s eyes. They were so striking that Harris hadn’t noticed the anxiety they held. He noticed it now, and couldn’t help wondering what Troy would look like if he smiled for real. Would his eyes crinkle? Would there be dimples? Maybe Harris could make him laugh...

Except, right. Probably a homophobe.

He shook his head and closed the image. Enough of Troy Barrett for now. He had puppy photos to post.

When Troy got back to his hotel room, he logged into his secret Instagram account. He’d barely posted anything on it; he just used it to follow Adrian, mostly. And maybe Troy shouldn’t be doing that anymore, but he still couldn’t quite believe that things were over between them.

When they’d first been introduced at a party in Vancouver two years ago, Troy hadn’t been able to stop looking at him. And Troy was good at not looking at attractive men. Adrian Dela Cruz, the star of a popular superhero television show, was firmly in the closet himself, and had been just as taken with Troy. Through some miracle combination of pheromones, silent communication, and luck, both men had clued into the fact that they’d wanted the same thing. Later that same night, they’d given it to each other.

A recent post by Adrian showed the reason he had ended things with Troy. The real reason, not the bullshit ones he’d given him about how they weren’t really in love, or that they’d only been together because it was easy.

Troy hadn’t understood that argument at all because there was nothing easy about their relationship. Living in constant fear that someone would find out about them wasn’t easy. Living three time zones away from your boyfriend wasn’t easy. Not being able to talk about your favorite person in the world with your friends, family, and teammates wasn’t easy. Going fucking months without sex wasn’t easy.

No. The real reason was Justin fucking Green, the director of a Netflix movie Adrian had filmed ten months ago. Which was, Adrian had admitted, when he’d started to fall in love with Justin. And now, as of four days ago, Adrian was out and proud and engaged.

And Troy had no idea how he was supposed to continue existing. He had no one to talk to about this. No one knew about Adrian. No one even knew that Troy was gay.

And of course Troy’s first road game with his new team was in Vancouver. As if everything wasn’t terrible enough, he’d soon be in the city that had always been his refuge. This time he would be completely alone.

He stared at the photo of Adrian and his fiancé, hoping if he looked for long enough the surreal wrongness of seeing Adrian in someone else’s arms would fade.

God, he was beautiful. Obviously he was attractive; he played a superhero on television. But Troy had gotten to see him when he wasn’t made-up for the camera—rumpled and sleepy in the morning, or crashed out on the couch after a long day of filming—and he’d been even more taken with him then. Troy had loved every precious moment they’d had together.

And now they were over. Now Justin Green was enjoying those sleepy smiles and unhurried morning sex while Troy was staring at a fucking photo. Alone. In Ottawa.

Troy’s life had imploded so quickly he hadn’t had a chance to fully absorb it yet. He was going through the motions of being an NHL player on autopilot, knowing that if he paused to examine his shattered heart he may never move again. Two days—two days—after being dumped, Troy had seen the first of the accusations against Dallas Kent online. The words on his laptop screen had blurred through his damp eyes, and his throat had burned with the need to scream or cry or maybe throw up. Every detail of the woman’s account was so familiar. Troy hadn’t been a witness, but her description of the things Dallas had said...

It had been easy to believe. By the time Troy had read the fourth account, two days later, his blood had boiled with rage.

The comments beneath each of the posts were full of people defending Kent, and saying vile things about his accusers. When Troy had gone to his next practice, he’d heard his teammates saying similar things about them. During the practice, he’d watched Kent laughing and having fun, completely unbothered, and Troy had just snapped. He’d gotten in his best friend’s face and unloaded all the rage that had been churning inside him. All of the disgust that Kent should have been getting from everyone on the ice. From everyone on earth.

Not that it had done any good. Hockey media was rallying behind Dallas, seemingly only concerned about the mental strain this unfortunate business would cause the young hockey star.

Mental strain. Jesus fuck. If anything, Dallas was probably more angry at Troy than bothered by the accusations. He certainly wasn’t burdened by guilt or shame. He probably wasn’t even a little bit afraid of repercussions. Because why would he be?

Troy was suddenly very tired, and thought about going to bed early even though he knew he wouldn’t sleep. Except, shit. He was supposed to set up an Instagram account. A real one that wasn’t just a burner account for looking at hot men.

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