Page 130 of Nick and Noel's Christmas Playlist

Noel laughed.

“I wanted four,” Nick said softly.

“Four?”

“Four children.”

Nick watched her face, waiting for her to freak out.

“You just want to one-up your parents or something,” she said lightly.

“No, I wanted more than two, but with three, there is always the third wheel.”

Noel nodded. “Okay.”

“The thing is…” he cleared his throat, searching for the right thing to say. The words from his heart that would reassure her that he loved her. That even if she never wanted marriage or kids, she’d be enough for him. Noel was his other half.

“Yes?”

“I don’t need to have kids to be happy. I don’t even need a piece of paper.” Nick took her hand. “You and me? That’s all I need. The way I feel for you, Noel, is something I can’t control and I don’t want to live without you. You are it for me.”

Nick didn’t want overload the tenuousness of their reunion, but she surprised him when she squeezed his hand, tears in her eyes.

“Thank you for saying that. I really needed to hear it.”

Nick brought her hand to his mouth. “I meant every word.”

Moments slipped by as they sat there, holding hands, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

Finally, she broke the silence, surprising him. “If I had kids, I think I’d like at least two. If I hadn’t had you, I would have been lonely. At least with two, they could play together, right?”

Nick stilled, studying her earnest expression. His voice came out hushed, afraid to hope. “Are you being serious? I know you said you never wanted kids or marriage and I respect that. I wasn’t lying when I said you were enough for me.”

“I know you weren’t. I’m still unsure, but I’m opening up to the idea again.”

“Again?”

“Before I lost my parents, I dreamed of marriage. I envisioned having a family and my parents being there for all of it. When I lost them, I couldn’t face the same future because it meant accepting that they were gone. I know that sounds crazy. I know my parents are dead, but if I didn’t make plans or sift through mementos that reminded me, then it didn’t hurt so much.”

“The way my parents died, so suddenly, I didn’t get to say good-bye. And every day, that stays with me, like I forgot to do something. There’s something missing and I can’t fix it.”

Nick picked up stack after stack of pictures, setting them back into the black tote. “They’re always with you, Noel. Anything you want to say to them, you just do it.”

“You really believe that?”

“I do.”

Noel released a wet laugh. “I don’t know what I believe.”

“Then I’ll tell you what I know.” Nick slid up next to her on the bed, pushing her hair back from her face. “Your parents loved you, more than anything in this world. They had a fuller life with you in it and you get to carry on the memories of them. And if you do want kids, you get to tell them about their grandparents and how amazing they were. How much they loved you and each other. Carry on the traditions your parents taught you. That is what I know. Kids or no kids, I’m yours.”

Noel cupped his cheek and kissed him, the big box poking him in the stomach but he didn’t protest. He threaded his fingers into Noel’s hair and brought her closer, the box sliding off her lap as they consumed each other, finding comfort in each other.

She broke the kiss and he stared down into her eyes, counting the tiny flecks of black.

“I love you, Nick.”

His heart pounded in his chest. “As friends or we talking the big L?”

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