Page 27 of The Sound of Sleighbells

She knew she should be grateful. But she could feel her stung pride lashing like the tail of an angry cat. Taking the pen, she scrawled Judd’s name on the check, filled in the amount, and signed it. With a nod to Hank, she strode out of the lot to the truck.

The tree had been laid in the bed of the truck. Skip had helped his sisters into the rear seat and climbed into the front. Only Judd remained standing outside. She thrust the check at him. “Take it. Cash it. I know you’re expecting me to thank you, but you’re wrong. I’ve been paying my own bills and making my own decisions for most of my life, and I’ve managed fine. You’re treating me like a child.”

“Understood.” Judd took her check, folded it double, and tucked it into his shirt pocket. “I won’t apologize for wanting to help. But next time I’m tempted I’ll remember that it makes you feel patronized.”

“And you’ll cash the checks—both of them?”

“I’ll give it some thought. Let’s go. A bowl of your chili sounds mighty good to me right now.”

* * *

While Ruth reheated the chili, sliced some homemade bread, and helped Janeen set the table, Judd and Skip got the tree set up on the stand and the reservoir filled with water. Watching them work side by side, laughing and joking, Ruth was struck by how comfortable they seemed together. Judd was already becoming the wise, gentle father figure Skip had missed growing up.

It would be all too easy to let things take their natural course. But the risk for heartbreak was too great. Judd would never forgive her for depriving him of his son. Skip would never trust her again after the lie she’d told. She could even lose him. But short of moving away, how could she stop what was happening?

Supper was pleasant enough, with Janeen and Tammy’s chatter filling any lulls in the conversation. The girls had taken to Judd. After being raised by a father who cursed, drank, and hit their mother, seeing a different kind of man at their table had to be good for them. But letting them get too attached could break their trusting young hearts.

As their mother, it would be up to Ruth to protect them.

With the meal finished and the dishes cleared away, Skip and the girls went down the hall to their bedrooms. Judd lifted his coat off the rack. “Would you mind walking me outside, Ruth?”

His request startled her, but she managed a smile. “Not at all. Let me put on my jacket.”

They stepped out onto the porch. Judd closed the door behind them. The night was surprisingly warm and breezy, the kind of weather that heralds a wet storm. Clouds scudded across the moon.

He stood facing her, his features cast in shadow. “Thanks for letting me tag along tonight,” he said. “I lead such a solitary life, I’d almost forgotten how it feels to be with a family. I enjoyed it. You have amazing children.”

“Thank you. My children are my reason for living. My only reason.”

She thought he would turn and go then, but he stood looking down at her, his gaze warm and questioning. Old memories gave rise to new desires. She imagined being in his arms again, his kisses burning her with need. Long-buried urges stirred in the depths of her body—yearnings that she mustn’t let herself feel again—not for him.

Then he spoke.

“I’m only going to say this once, Ruth. We’ve both been through some hard times—you more than me. I stayed away from you because you were married and because you deserved better than an ex-convict. But now that we’ve been pulled back into each other’s lives, I can’t help wondering if we’ve been given a second chance.”

“What are you saying?” Ruth’s throat was so tight she could barely whisper. This couldn’t be happening.

“We had a good time tonight,” he said. “I’d like to spend more time with you and see where this leads. We could take things as slow and easy as you want—just be friends for now. Maybe that will be all that happens. Maybe we’ll decide we were happier apart. Even that would be all right, as long as I know we didn’t miss out on something good.”

When she didn’t reply, he waited a moment, then spoke again. “I told you I was only going to say this once. If you need time, that’s all right. I’ll understand. But for now, what do you think of the idea?”

Ruth stared down at her boots, her thoughts crashing like waves in a storm. Part of her had never stopped loving him. She wanted him. She wanted the hot intensity they’d once shared. And there were other, practical reasons to say yes. Her children liked him. And he had the means to provide for them and keep them all safe.

But she was through depending on a man. And she was through taking time from her children to pursue a relationship. She’d made that mistake with Ed, and her children had paid the price. Then there was the secret she’d kept for sixteen years and vowed to keep forever.

There was only one answer she could give him—an answer that would close the door once and for all.

“All I can say is no, Judd,” she said. “You were wrong about tonight being a second chance. We only had one chance, and it ended the night you walked away from me to ride with your wild friends. You took everything from me—all my hopes, all my plans for a lifetime together. I can’t forgive what your selfishness did to me.

“I know Skip wants to finish the harness,” she continued. “I’ll allow that. I’ll even deliver him to Abner’s place, or to Trevor’s, and pick him up. But once the harness is ready for the parade, that will be the end of it. Do you understand?”

His expression had hardened. “I understand. You can’t blame a man for trying, but I won’t ask you again. Good night, Ruth.”

He turned and walked out to his truck. Without looking back, he climbed into the cab and drove away. Ruth watched the taillights disappear around the corner. Only then did she force herself to move her feet and go back inside.

Had she done the right thing? There was no point in wondering. It was too late to change her mind and call him back.

The house was warm, the air fragrant with pine. The tree, beautiful even without ornaments, stood in front of the window, waiting to be decorated and surrounded with gifts. Christmas was a month away. There would be presents to wrap, cookies to bake, carols to sing, and parties at school. But for Ruth, much of the joy had faded from the season.

---