Page 41 of Bossy Grump's Secret

Lily complies with Dylan's instructions and stays for two hours before she finally leaves with a promise to come back soon. Meanwhile, I am drenched in dread about the very near future. I sit there alone, compiling the memories of every time, every moment, every touch, and every sensation - and how they made me feel. His touches were fire to my already heated skin, and we might have created an explosion together.

Gosh, I hope not. The midday bleeds into evening faster than I can process.…which is fantastic. Really fantastic. I don’t know if she was carried by a flash or was teleported to the store and back, but just around the time I knew the day shift should end, Lily burst into the room and slammed the door like a criminal.

“Relax, Lil. You went to buy a pregnancy strip and not a packet of cocaine,” I croak.

"I know, it's just…I ran into Dylan, and he was asking questions. I assume we don't want him to know yet."

Nice intuition.

“Thanks. So…how do we use this thing?” I ask and take it from her, examining the strip.

"We?" she laughs without displaying humor. "No, you…" she pushes the strip in my hands further into me.

Of course, this is my mess.

"I didn't feel his hands in me or his…."

“Shut up,” I growl.

“Okay, I’ll stop. Sounded weird to me too.” She read me the instructions.

“Forgive my ignorance, but I always thought women peed on the thing,” I huff and go to the toilet. When all the necessities were done, I put the strip in according to Lily's guidance, waited for however long she counted and took it out. From then on, I left it on the ground like a forbidden item.

Why I can't handle a pregnancy strip until now is beyond me; I never thought I'd need it. I'm the one that has the sex; Lily's the one that knows how to check a strip. She's also the one to tell me the results. I dread to even look in the general direction of the thing.

“Two pink lines,” she announces with a grave, sullen voice.

“What does that mean?” my voice wavers in questioning, even though I already know the answer. I’ve watched too many videos not to know.

“Positive,” she explains.

“What does that mean?” Tears are rushing down my face now, and I shake my head, refusing to believe the reality or hoping that I have been watching those videos wrong all my life.

“You’re p..pr…pregnant,” Lily stutters.

I close my eyes and let out a huge breath, accompanied by a wide stream of flowing tears.

"I'm pregnant," I repeat the realization repeatedly, with an even bigger fit of tears coming every time. This results from a love that shouldn't be. I had the chance... we both had the chance to break it up, knowing that the time wasn't right, and the circumstances were inconvenient; yet we let the physicality of it take over.

It feels tormenting to think there’s a living thing inside me and an even greater pang of guilt when I know that the decision I’m about to take is one that I had pre-planned as the natural course of action should I ever find myself in this situation.

“I can’t keep the baby, Lil. I just can’t,” I sob in my best friend’s bosom as she rocks me.

“You don’t have to, babe. It’s your choice.”

“But…it’s hard. I’m killing a baby,” I cry.

“No, no, Besides, you can just call it a fetus to make it easier for yourself,” she advises.

"I just don't want it to affect him too much. Someway sometimes, the paternity of the child will be asked. He might lose his job…and it's not just a summer thing like it is to me."

“Whatever happens, I’ll be with you every step of the way," Lily comforts me. Just like that, without directly saying it, I commit an abortion. I still like I'm committing a treacherous crime.

Dylan

Through the time I work, I really don’t work. My body does the work. Especially when it's purely physical, my body does it without premeditation. Putting my two hands in front of me gets them to do whatever my subconscious tells them to do - probably the right thing.

Right now, my brain fixated on one thing…one person. Ava. Is she alright? Does she need a doctor? Should I have told her to go to the urgent care first? All these questions run through my mind, and then some. Though, the bitter fact is that there's nothing I can do now but worry. It terrorizes me because worrying is tantamount to doing nothing, if not completely worse.

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