Page 39 of Bossy Grump's Secret

I let out another hopeless breath. “Oh, it’s fine, Lil. I’ve been thinking about him, anyway.”

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you made the right decision, but I know it was for the best."

I nod and allow her to speak. It's rare for Lily to express a completely candid opinion about something that doesn’t concern her.

"Here…think again about the reason you had to let go. Were they all justified?"

I nod again.

"Then you have your answer. Sometimes, the good things in life are just within reach, yet not everything good is necessary so far. For instance, a black elastic beanie in wool topped with some dope gemstones doesn’t sound like a bad idea, does it? But even though it sounds fashionable, would you buy one? ”

I do not know where that weird analogy came from, but it works.

“Where have you been all the while when I needed advice?” I laugh at her, and she just shrugs.

“You never asked. I’m as wise as Solomon…but only when I feel like it. Everyone is,” she chuckles. “Besides, Dylan was chaos in your life, and you were at least twenty per cent angrier. Now that peace reigns, you find it boring, but that’s life. Now you have to choose boredom…." She stretches out a hand, “… or catastrophe.” She collides with mine.

We continue to work, with me leaning into a new phase of fragmented thinking. My life with Dylan was emotionally chaotic. Without him, it's bland…but is that okay? Am I okay with the boredom, or do I ride with the chaos? I stop there and try to block out those thoughts because I know if I'm to answer that question sincerely, my answer will be chaotic.

Ava

There’s no usual wake pattern between Lily and me. Normally, she’s the one doing the waking, and this prevails most of the time. The only times she doesn't wake me are when I'm on my period, and the cramps wake me first. I don’t need to be woken up.

Today is neither case.

I am practically impossible to wake, and before I get fully conscious, another one passes, and Lily has to threaten to leave me behind. Knowing I'll probably end up in trouble because of my apathy, I adhere to her threats and begin getting ready. Deep down, though, I can tell something is wrong .

“I feel sick,” I mutter as I wobble into the bathroom.

“Sure,” Lily scoffs humorlessly. “Tell that to your boyfriend when we get out. I’m not the one in charge of prescribing rest.”

When I come out of the bathroom, her face maintains its tightness. “What’s the matter, Ava?”

"What?" I look at her, confused. "You know I want to sleep in. You just don't have to make me say it," I complain.

She shakes her head in denial. “No, not that. Your face…it still looks like shit.”

“Wow, I really appreciate the compliment, Lily. I really do,” I mutter dryly.

“No, it’s not…” she starts, but hisses and comes over before turning me around and pushing me to the bathroom to check the mirror.

I gasped upon seeing my face.

“Yup. You look like they stuck an inflation tube in you and blew.”

I touch my face delicately, feeling it would hurt, but it doesn't. "I need to check this out with the doctor," I say, and Lily nods in agreement.

Just as we are about to leave the bathroom, everything feels dizzy…enough for me not to hear or even process anything until it completely goes black. I open my eyes to Lily’s big ones.

“Oh, my goodness, thank God you’re awake,” she says and heaves a sigh of relief.

“I passed out again?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t catch you this time, sorry. We just kinda fell together…and you were out for longer,” she explains. I let out a frustrated sigh. What is wrong with me this time?

“Maybe it’s the hema-something sickness,” she opines.

“I doubt it,” I say to disagree, shaking my head turbulently. “No headaches.” Last I checked, he told me the insomnia was supposed to come with headaches. I had neither trouble sleeping nor headaches to deter me. In fact, it is very much the opposite. I feel like sinking into the bed and becoming one with the mattress.

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