Page 98 of Leave Me Broken

Paul shakes his head. “I need to run to the church”—he flips his wrist—“actually now. Would you mind telling Payson where I’ve gone, I forgot to tell her when she got home this morning.”

“Of course,” “Yeah,” Jason and I reply simultaneously.

My smile is tight but Paul doesn’t seem to notice as he scurries around the trailer grabbing what he needs for whatever he is doing. “Make yourself at home and please eat some food.” He pauses. “Actually bring your son and friend and come over for dinner. The good Lord knows we have enough. You’ll get to meet the rest of the family.”

Meeting the rest of the people that Payson grew up around? “Sounds brilliant. Thank you, sir.”

Paul leaves and Jason plops down in his chair and changes the channel to an action film. After hearing the voices, I know it’s John Wick and upon a quick glance at the screen I can tell it’s the first one. After making a plate of food, I take a seat at the small couch and set my plate on the wooden coffee table in front of me.

“Brilliant movie.”

“Do you always have to talk like that?”

“I’m English,” I deadpan. “Would you rather I say, sick movie, bro.” I’ve perfected the American accent in my years living here. At least in my opinion.

He rolls his eyes like the child he is.

“You better get used to me being around. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jason clenches his narrow jaw. “You should be going to jail for fucking a minor.”

Payson doesn’t cuss on her granddad’s property. Not even in her head. Jason obviously does not respect him in the same way.

“It’s not illegal in Michigan for me and Payson to be together. The only reason we’re not official is because I’m her coach.”

“Then you should lose your job.”

“And leave Payson without a coach? Ruin her junior year season like she hasn’t been through enough?” He’s bloody pissing me off. “You don’t think your sister has been through enough? I’m not hurting her.” Not in a way she doesn’t like. “I love her, and I take care of her. Better than anyone ever has. But you don’t care about your sister’s happiness, so I’m not surprised.”

My fork scratches against the plate but it’s a better sound than his constant fucking buzzing.

“You’re wrong, you know,” Jason says sometime later, his tone heavy. He doesn’t look my way, but I can tell he’s not watching the movie anymore either. “I love my sister. We don’t see eye to eye on some things.” He shoots a look at me, making sure I know he means me, but I don’t care. I don’t need him to approve. “But she’s my sister. I only ever wanted what was best for her.”

“Then why did you leave her with that . . . monster?” If I wasn’t in Paul’s house, I would have said way worse.

“I never thought about what he might do to her. I thought the looks were just to piss me off. Fred is a dick, but I didn’t really believe he is a perv. I thought that if I left, he would stop. He would leave her alone because I wouldn’t be there to give him the reaction he wanted. I thought I was his issue.”

“Well, he didn’t.” I shove my half-empty plate away, not hungry anymore.

“I know,” he growls. “You’ll never understand the guilt that eats at me daily knowing what I left her to. Why do you think it’s so hard being around her? I’ve been in town for two days and saw her for the first time today despite Amanda’s begging.”

His guilt doesn’t take away from Payson’s trauma. As much as I would love to hate Jason, I’m certainly not his biggest fan, but I don’t hate him because at the end of the day it’s not his fault. Asking him to feel guilty about saving himself is selfish. So is leaving her behind but he was young. Scared. I’m sure there were moments he wondered how far Fred would take it. If he would go too far and Jason wouldn’t see the next day. That’s a lot for a kid to deal with. I’ll never forgive him for leaving her to face Fred on her own but the common denominator in all this—Fred. If I ever see that bastard again, I’ll rip his bloody head off.

“It is a shi-crappy situation all around for everyone involved and now someone is dead because of it.” God, how I’m thankful it’s not Payson. I wouldn’t survive on this planet without her.

She is slowly breaking down. More and more, day by day, she is losing a sliver of her spark. She was already struggling before we met but I helped put those broken pieces back together and it worked, for a while. Until life set off bomb after bomb. I worry daily about her and her mental health.

When it’s just us, I can hold her together physically and mentally but when we are apart, the darkness that stays at bay when I’m around crowds her and drags her back into the thick of it. I’m hopeful one day there won’t be dark, or at least less that she won’t have to use all her energy fighting it off.

“Payson told me she thinks Fred did it,” Jason says.

“Do you agree?”

He flattens his lips and nods once. “Do you know what it’s like to hate someone that’s dead?”

He doesn’t wait for me to answer.

“It sucks. I hate my mom, so much. She watched Fred beat the shit out of me for years. Allowed him to do unthinkable things to her daughter in the safety of our fucking room. What kind of mother allows her children to go through that shit?” His cold eyes blaze with hatred. “I’m an alcoholic and Payson is addicted to hurting herself.” He laughs with no humor. “And it’s all that bitch’s fault.”

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