Page 75 of Leave Me Broken

“When will you be here?”

“Tomorrow or the next day some time.”

“Are you staying here?”

Jason lets out a deep sigh into my ear. “No, getting a hotel. Figured Pa’s place will be filled for the next few days.”

He’s right. Which is why I already asked Janelle if I could stay over for a few nights. Ash offered but it was Grandpa’s idea to ask Janelle, so I couldn’t lie this time because I know he will check in with Janelle’s mom. “I’m staying at Janelle’s.”

“Good.”

More silence before he says traffic is getting heavy and he needs to go. I doubt there is even a single car on the road, but I say bye anyway because I have nothing to say to him either. Why’s he driving from Texas and not flying? I also don’t understand who we is, but I don’t care either. For all I know, my brother could be married.

It doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters.

I toss the blade and wrap my arm before heading from the bathroom.

Aunt Vicky hugs me as soon as she sees me and cries into my shoulder. Grandpa is watching so I hug her back, but I don’t cry. I can’t fake crying and I don’t want to cry, so I just stand there like the heartless b I am. Hugging my aunt crying about the death of her sister—my mother—until she lets me go.

I’m off school for the rest of the week but being stuck in the house with a constant string of crying people bringing so much food to Grandpa’s—I have no idea who they think will eat it all—is miserable. I tell Grandpa I need a few things from the store, so he kisses my cheek and tells me he loves me and I leave.

I go to the store but end up standing in the aisle staring at something I can’t even focus on until a hard hand grabs my arm and forces my attention to them. Jumping, I try to move away but he holds me in place.

Mr. Gilbert frowns down at me, still holding my arm. He’s gripping me right over my new cuts, but the pain feels good. “You’ve avoided my calls.”

Huh? “When did you call me?”

He finally drops my arm, a part of me misses the pain when he does. “How many people have been calling you today, Payson?”

“A lot.”

He runs a tattooed hand down his face. “Fine. But I need to talk to you. What are you doing staring at cranberry juice? Do you have a UTI or something?”

I scrunch my nose up. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. Uncle or not, that’s weird.” I also won’t tell him why I was staring at cranberry juice because I didn’t even realize I was. Or that cranberry juice was my mom’s remedy for everything. Upset stomach? Cranberry juice. Headache? You need sugar, drink some cranberry juice. Jason and I used to joke that mom’s lips were always purple because she drank so much cranberry juice. It was the shade of her lipstick, but we were kids.

Back when we used to laugh and joke together. Seems like a lifetime ago.

“Payson”—he snaps in my face—“I haven’t got all day.”

“You seem to have plenty of time to stalk me, corner me in the juice aisle, and harass me.”

Mr. Gilbert scoffs. “You are a pain in the ass, just like your mother.” We both wince at his harsh words. “I’m sorry. I would just like to talk to you. Last night was a lot to take in for many reasons, and I’m guessing your grandfather is busy with funeral plans and such so I want to make sure you’re okay.”

He wants to make sure I’m okay? Is he for real? “You have never said more than a word to me before last night, and when you do, you drop the ball that you are my piece of shit dad’s brother and that my mom died all in the same breath. Now you are asking if I’m okay?” His harsh face contorts like he’s constipated or something. “You haven’t cared the last seventeen years, lets go back to that because news flash Uncle Jet, I’m fine. In my mind, my mother died a long time ago. Guess the world finally caught up.”

I leave him in the juice aisle without a glance back and an even heavier weight in my chest than when I walked into the store. Damn him for pulling the truth out of me; since it’s out, maybe now I can take a breath.

I’m not sad about my mother dying. In my mind I didn’t even have a mother and now I really don’t.

The best part is, I never have to be disappointed by her again.

26

Ash

“You think Payson will be okay?” Luca asks as we head into the gym for the last game before districts. A game I really wish we had Payson playing in, but we had Aubrey practice Libero all week so hopefully she can fill the spot. Or mostly, anyway. I texted Payson asking if she wanted a ride if she was coming and if she wasn’t that was okay too. I wouldn’t even ask any other player if they planned on coming to a game the day after they lost their mum, or any family member, but it’s Payson we are talking about. If I know her, she will throw herself into the game as a distraction.

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