Page 64 of Leave Me Broken

“Really?” I don’t miss the excitement in her voice. It warms my heart.

“Mhm.”

She settles her head on my stomach, her fingers still tangled in my chest hair, and smiles. “Go on, then.”

She’s so fucking pretty. I do not understand how Payson could think my eyes would wander even for a second when the way she looks at me makes me want to buy a diamond ring and slap it on her finger right now. If she knew how obsessed I am with every single thing about her, she wouldn’t let those insecurities from her childhood affect her so much. But they do, and even if I have to spend my whole life assuring her we are forever, I will do that.

“When I was sixteen, I went to Italy for a few weeks in the summer. I had just finished school and was leaving for America in fall, so my parents decided to take all of us on a family vacation as a goodbye since they were not able to move with me.”

“That’s so young to leave your family.” She frowns.

“Yes, it is.”

“I’m excited to meet them next month.” Payson does this often, changes the subject in the middle of our conversations—I just roll with it.

“Me too.” Everyone I love being in the same house will leave me with so many things to be thankful for. I know my family will love Payson as much as I do. My mom asks about her every phone call and has even requested to call when we are together sometime, but we haven’t had time.

“My aunt always does Thanksgiving at her house on Thursday. I would invite you but . . .” She bites her bottom lip.

“I understand.” I push a hand through her hair and watch her eyes flutter as I massage. “One day we will attend all holidays together but until then, you are more than welcome at mine.”

She closes her eyes. “You talk about our future a lot.”

“I mean every word I say.”

The room falls silent, and I give her time to think. Her body is still tense, so I know she’s not fallen asleep. After a few minutes, Payson’s small voice breaks through the silence. “Thinking about our future scares me,” she admits.

“I know.”

“I’m young, but I won’t be forever. Are you still going to l-love me when I’m not?” It doesn’t surprise me that she stutters on the word love. Eventually I’d like to discuss professional help. She opens up around me, she’s able to tell and show me her feelings, but I see the mask she slips on in front of everyone else. Not as much as it used to be, but she’s still hiding a piece of herself. A professional could help lessen the weight on her shoulders; maybe get rid of it completely.

Tipping her head, she blinks open her eyes and I stare into them for a long while. “It’s you and me, Jailbird. Always.”

Her throat bobs with a deep swallow. “Forever.”

“I will love you when you are forty and I am fifty-six.” She pushes onto her hands and knees, keeping her bum knee straight out behind her. My hands sink into the soft skin on her abdomen as I pull her up my body and roll us so she’s on her back. “Sixty-six and eighty-two.” She knifes her hand into my hair and pulls my lips to hers. Before I kiss her, I brush my lips back and forth. “I will love you at all ages just as much, if not more than I love you now.”

“I promise the same,” she whispers.

Payson hasn’t said the words but that’s the first time she’s hinted at them. The obsession I’ve done my best to keep at bay is nearing the surface, threatening to burst and show itself to her. She’s not ready for everything, but there is something I’m curious about. “If I asked you to marry me, would you?”

Her green eyes shine and she gawks at me, not believing what came from my mouth. “L-like now?”

I dip my chin. “Yes.”

“B-but I’m seventeen. I’m in high school. You’re my coach. We met less than three months ago, Ashley! W-what do you mean, ‘yes’? That’s illegal; you would be arrested!”

“Shh.” I stroke a hand down her sweet face hoping to calm her. “It’s not illegal if you get a parent or parental figure to sign off.”

That doesn’t calm her at all. Bloody hell this really has her worked up. I haven’t seen Payson this distraught, well, probably since she found out I had a son. “Ashley James Pearson.” I smirk at her use of my full name. She pushes on my chest and sits up. The lamp behind me gives off a warm yellow light that brings out her tan and the gold flecks in her eyes.

She’s obviously bothered but I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful she is. How beautiful she will be walking down an isle to me in a white dress. Knowing Payson, she won’t want a wedding but it’s not something I’m willing to compromise on. We will have a wedding and she will get a dress and I’ll be in a suit, and we will confess our love in front of everyone that loves us. One day. Maybe not as soon as I’d like, but one day it will happen.

Payson’s stressed voice pulls me from my head and back to the present. “Are you listening to me!?”

“Yes.”

She scoffs, shoves me off of her and throws her arms over her face. “I can’t believe you just asked me to marry you.”

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