Page 58 of Leave Me Broken

“What about it?” I ask timidly.

“How to help people that struggle.”

I pull back to see his face and he turns the book at the same time so I can read the title: Loving Someone With Mental Struggles. It’s all right there in the title. Loving someone. It’s moments like this that I don’t know how I can ever question his feelings for me. He’s reading a book to understand me better. He spent ten thousand dollars on a dress just because he liked the way it looked on me, probably had to do with the other bidder too, but I digress. Everything Ash does is for me.

“You really do love me, don’t you?”

His eyes soften. “Yeah, Payson. I really do.”

Me too.

He sets the book down and wraps his large arms around my body. My cheek is against his chest—I like how his soft chest hair feels against my face.

Guilt burns deep inside me. Guilt for making Ash lose his temper. Guilt for making him tell me over and over how much he cares, when he’s right, he’s proved it since the beginning. Sure, we’ve had bumps but everyone does. Guilt because I can’t say it back.

“I know, babygirl. It’s okay. We will get there together.”

Together.

I’ve been playing with his chest hair and didn’t realize he had fallen sleep. As much as I love cuddling with Ash, especially a naked Ash, I’ve been resting more than I ever have because of my knee and it’s boring me. I’m tired after the breakdown, but I’m not ready for bed yet.

Ash weighs like a million pounds when sleeping and slipping from his huge arms is nearly impossible. I’m not sure if the cold from being soaked in the rain for so long acted as an ice pack and numbed my knee but it’s not tight like it usually is when I stand. I make sure Ash is all tucked in before I grab his shirt and quietly duck out of his room. My stomach is growling and there is no way I can go to bed on an empty stomach.

I pad down Ash’s short hallway for the steps. Eyeing the door I know is for Parker’s room, I see the light is off so he must not be home yet. I should text Janelle and make sure everything is going okay. It’s nice they invited him out. They invited me too, but I knew I needed to take advantage of my time with Ash. Across from Parker’s room is another bedroom and straight ahead is the shared bathroom. Luca’s room is on the main floor and is the original master bedroom that Ash was keeping as a spare for when his family came to stay so his nana wouldn’t have to walk upstairs. Since no one has visited and Luca moved in, he took it over. Ash’s house is huge including a basement with another room, bathroom, family room, and the laundry. It’s the only part of the house that hasn’t been updated yet, and the only part I haven’t seen.

The rest of the house is wide plank floors stained dark with white walls and various accent colors throughout. Typical farmhouse style with added industrial touches like the black pipe hardware in the kitchen and bathrooms. My favorite room in the house is Ash’s room. Might be because compared to the rest of the house it’s the most basic. Especially now that Luca and Parker live here, there is life everywhere that wasn’t here the first time I stayed with him. Luca’s books fill a few of the built-in shelves in the living room that surround the shiplap fireplace. Parker’s bookbag is by the front door next to various men’s shoes. I was never big on decorating my room, maybe that’s why I appreciate the simpleness of Ash’s.

The stairs open to the wide entryway with the living room arch to the right and the kitchen to the left. I turn left for the kitchen and find the light already on. Luca leans against the counter with a glass of red wine in one hand and a slice of . . . cheese in the other.

“You’re home.”

Luca is slow to lift his lazy eyes from the ground in front of him over to me. He smiles and that is also lazy. Is this how Luca looks after sex? His long hair is pulled into a better messy bun than mine on my head, he’s shirtless and his yellow basketball shorts are hung low on his narrow hips. Luca is beautiful. He was amazing at volleyball but man, he could have easily done modeling. “Si. I expected to come home to the sound of animal planet but heard nothing. I assumed you and Ashley would still be on the side of the road somewhere.” His smile is friendly, but it doesn’t stop hot embarrassment from staining my cheeks.

I duck my head and wander over to the fridge. “Something like that,” I mutter not wanting to get into it.

“How was your night?” I can’t help the bitterness in my voice from spilling out.

Luca doesn’t seem to mind and chuckles. “Good.”

Good? Sex with Chanel was good. What the hell does that mean?

“I had to fuck her mouth just so she would shut up about the little show you two pulled.” He cocks an eyebrow as he takes a sip of wine.

“Was that the good part or was there more?”

Luca pops the cheese in his mouth and once again sips his wine, not stopping until the glass is completely drained. His Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow. “We did not have sex. I fucked her mouth and she rode mine, then I made an excuse to leave.” He snorts. “I was not feeling it tonight.”

“Oh.” Oh? “I’m surprised, she was pretty.” Yeah. Pretty. Like a Victoria Secret model—she was perfect.

“Yes, she was.”

“Do you think she will gossip about what Ash and I said?” Or worse, go to the school or police.

Luca sighs. “No, I think I handled it. Do not worry your pretty head, but you both need to be more responsible if you are going to do this. I will not be able to cover you guys forever.”

I know he’s right, but it’s so hard watching girls flock to Ash like he’s single, because he’s not.

Ash’s fridge is disappointing when all you want is cold pizza—or pudding. It’s stocked to the max with pre-made high protein meals, and raw fruits and veggies are not what I’m craving.

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