Page 149 of Leave Me Broken

I have a checkup today on my knee, and I have a weird feeling it will not go as well as I want.

You’d think since they make a whole schedule, there would be no waiting, but apparently that’s not how it works because I’ve been sitting in the small room for twenty-five minutes. When the door finally opens, I let out a breath just to suck it back in when it’s not the doctor that walks in. It’s Ash.

“What are you doing here?” I jump from the bed and land on wobbly legs, his arms are around me before I have the chance to fall.

“Fuck, it feels bloody good to touch you.”

“It feels good having you touch me, but what are you doing here?”

“I knew about your appointment; I want to be here.” He pulls away and studies my face as if it’s been years since he’s seen it. I do the same to him. His hair has gotten even longer. Nearly to his cheekbones now. His beard is long and if he wasn’t in jeans and a semi-nice-looking jacket, I would say he was the hottest homeless man I have ever seen.

“Ash.” I lift a hand and knife my finger through his beard. Worry lays heavy in my stomach. “Are you okay?”

His stormy eyes darken, and that’s when I notice the circles under his eyes too. “I just miss you, Jailbird. That’s all.”

That doesn’t seem like all. “I miss you more.” I bury my face back into his chest. “Maybe I can make up some kind of excuse to come over tonight.”

He jerks back and a faint of a smile touches his harsh features. “Really?”

I shrug because I don’t know what I can say, but if he misses me that much, then yes. I’m feeling . . . numb, Ash is the one struggling, and I need to be there for him like he always is me. “Yeah, I’ll figure it out.”

He slams his lips against mine and at the same time, we exhale the same breath, because the few kisses we have shared the past few weeks have been rushed and panicked thinking someone will walk in. On my side, anyway; Ash seems to have finally lost the care of anyone catching us, because I’m always the one that has to pull away. I hate having to pull away, but my grandpa would not appreciate us making out every time he turns his back.

Speaking of pulling back, someone knocks on the door, and I pull out of Ash’s grip and jump back onto the bed. He scowls at me.

“I’m tired of you pulling away from me.” So he has noticed the pattern.

“You think I like to?”

“You do it enough,” he snaps back.

Dr. Hennigan pokes her head in. “Ready—Oh! Coach Pearson.” She pushes the door open and walks the rest of the way inside. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I want to know about her knee.” His jaw says it’s more than that and the way he is keeping his eyes locked onto me says it’s worlds more. Dr. Hennigan laughs awkwardly and takes her seat in front of the computer.

“Well, I can’t say much without another MRI, so I am going to order you one, but it’ll probably be after Thanksgiving, unfortunately.”

“That’s okay,” I say. “The season is over, so I’m not doing much besides school.”

Dr. Hennigan types on her computer for a while, then she pulls on my knee in a bunch of ways. Ash even growled when she touched me. I had to ask a random question to distract from the brooding man across the room.

I don’t know what is happening between us, but it feels different. Like there is a disconnect that there wasn’t before. I hate it. I hate seeing him like this and I hate this is all because we are apart when neither of us wants to be.

“Well, it feels looser than before.” She sighs.

“Is that good?”

“No,” her and Ash both say.

She clears her throat. “I have felt knees where their ACL and MCL are completely torn that feel like yours. But you said you’re not having pain?”

“Uh, no. I mean, sometimes. Like when my knee gives out but—”

“Your knee is giving out?” she asks. “In what way?”

I take time explaining everything that has been happening since states while she is taking notes. I can hardly remember the details, I just know that sometimes when I’m walking, or even just standing there doing dishes my knee will give out when I’m not wearing my brace. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but now I’m thinking it is.

“You should be having pain. I truly am not understanding why you are not . . . but if you say you’re not in pain, then I’m going to suggest you just wear your brace as often as you can until the MRI, and we can see what is actually happening in your knee.”

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