Page 147 of Leave Me Broken

But she cuts me off and shakes her head. “I fly out to California with Dad tomorrow. I won’t be back.”

Tomorrow. I knew what she said about going, but we’ve been so busy, I’ve not even been able to keep my eyes open after our late practices to remember that my best friend is moving across the fucking country.

I lick my dry lips, but my mouth is dry too so it doesn’t help at all. “Already? We just won states. I . . . we haven’t even made up.”

She chokes on a sob and says, “There is no making up, Payson.”

My throat thickens.

“There’s no making up because we didn’t fall out. I still love you, Pay. You’re still my best friend. I just need to do what is best for me. Okay?”

No, no this is so far from okay.

“It feels like forever I’ve been worrying about other people, you know? Worrying about Collins and his feelings. Worrying about Ronni being alone. Worrying about you.” Her eyes turn sad. “I love worrying about you, and I will forever, but this is a great opportunity for me, you know? I’m sorry for what happened between us at Week of Pink, not for what I said, I think what you two are doing is so stupid and—” She snaps her mouth shut.

Hurt rips through me. “We haven’t,” I whisper, “done that, recently.” We’ve hardly even touched besides a few sneaky kisses here and there.

“Good.” Janelle threads her fingers with mine. “I don’t hate Ash, and I don’t hate you. I’m just really mad at both of you, but you were right about one thing.” I tilt my head. “I don’t understand. I can’t begin to understand why you think you need something like that, but you are my bestest friend ever, and I don’t want to leave the state with our friendship as a question mark.”

“Me either.” I roll my lips between my teeth.

“I know your grandpa and Jason are down here, but you think they’d be cool if I stole you for the night? I want one last night with my best friend before the real world whisks me away.”

I know my grandpa will be fine with that. The trip down wore him out, even if it was only a few hours; he napped most of the afternoon we arrived, and I’m sure after the long day at the gym, he will be ready for bed too. “Jason has Amanda and I’ll be surprised if my grandpa isn’t asleep in the bleachers,” I joke.

Janelle laughs and it sends the biggest shot of serotonin throughout my body. I can’t stop her from going, as much as I want to, I know this is what she needs, and what kind of friend would I be if I tried to stop her from following her gut?

“You look like you did not get any sleep,” Ash comments.

I take another drink of the coffee Mike has bought me and Janelle. “I didn’t.”

He squeezes my shoulder, then drops his hand from me when Mike and Janelle walk up to us.

Janelle hasn’t stopped crying all morning and I’ve been crying off and on. I’m so tired, I’m not sure I could cry anymore even if I wanted to. I’m ignoring the other feeling in my body, the feeling like I’m missing something because I haven’t swallowed a pill today.

She throws herself at me and someone is smart enough to grab my coffee before she tackles me to the ground. I breathe in the feminine scent of my best friend and pray it stays in my nose until the next time I see her. We will plan something for spring break since her and Ronni will already be in California. I’m pretending I will not be jealous they will be together. Knowing Janelle will be busy with her new advanced schooling and Ronni is busy with modeling, plus they live three hours apart, calms the jealousy. Not that I don’t want them hanging out, I don’t want either of them lonely. I will just miss out on what feels like a lot. That feeling Ronni had of being the outsider? I’m already feeling that, and Janelle hasn’t even left yet.

I squeeze her as tight as she’s squeezing me, and those tears I didn’t think would come, burn my sore eyes. “I love you, Jay.”

Her cries grow even louder. “I l-love y-you, Pay.” She pulls back and cups my face. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

“Right back at you.” I choke on a laugh.

Then she kisses me. Right on the lips in front of our friends and family.

We stand and she turns to face Ash and giggles. “Coach.” She sticks a hand out between them. He rolls his eyes and shoves her hand away, pulling her into his strong grip. He whispers something that I can’t hear. But when they pull away, she regards me and nods. “I trust you. Don’t make me regret saying that.”

“Never.”

Luca pulls her in next and despite what happened between them that one night, their hug isn’t the least bit sexual. I’ll never understand, but more power to them. Janelle goes down the line hugging everyone that’s here. Which is everyone because no way the team would miss out on sending Janelle off. Even Grandpa is here and ready to say a prayer for Janelle and her dad’s travel.

“You take care, Payson,” Mike says as he hugs me tightly. “You make smart decisions. Do you understand me?’

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” He pulls away and squeezes my shoulders.

Janelle and Parker are off to the side, awkwardly swaying and neither of them making eye contact. Then she wraps her arms around him and hugs him just as she has everyone else.

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