Page 138 of Leave Me Broken

“Do you know what you want to do when you’re done modeling?” Janelle asks.

“Not a clue. I love the industry, the fashion, the makeup. Maybe something in that. Maybe even a photographer. Jump behind the camera instead of in front.”

I can’t imagine Ronni being behind the camera. She’s always been the center-of-attention type. It was always helpful for me because she kept me out of it.

“My dad wants me to move in with him when the volleyball season is over.”

I sit up so I can see over Ronni to Janelle. “What?”

She avoids my eyes but nods. “I’m considering it.”

“Why? What’s here?”

“My dad,” she says softly, her voice thick with emotion. “I miss him, Pay. I didn’t realize how much until we were playing in the gym together during a break. And tonight. He’s right, the decisions we make now affect us, and I’ve been living like they don’t. I fucked the uncle of the guy I like, for fuck’s sake.”

“You what?!” Ronni gasps. I cringe and Janelle is right behind me.

“We were drunk.”

I fall back onto the bed with a thud. “I’ve have sexual encounters with both my volleyball coaches.”

Ronni chews on her lips then blurts, “Sometimes I fuck the photographers for benefits.”

“I think I fell in love with a sixteen-year-old the day I met him,” Janelle spits out next. Then their heads turn my way, waiting for me to word vomit something that will make them feel better, no doubt. So I do.

“My mom died and I’m not sad.”

Ronni grabs my hand and Janelle grabs hers. We lie there for a long time, once again in silence, probably thinking about everything we admitted.

Morning comes and I wake in the arms of Ronni and Janelle. They put me in the middle after a while last night, and somehow, we all fell asleep cuddling. I almost slept as good as I do with Ash. Almost. Ronni and Janelle don’t weigh as much as him, even combined, but they also don’t sweat as much either.

I thought I was the first up, although I have no idea how because the curtains were left open and the sun is shining into the room, but when I shift, Ronni moves her arms and we both slip from the bed. I replace my body with a pillow for Janelle to hug.

We don’t have to be at the gym until three for the last games of the week, but Ronni has to catch a flight at ten, so she will have to leave soon.

I head to the bathroom to get ready, and she follows after to pee while I shower.

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you about your mom, P. I . . . I didn’t know what to say, honestly.”

“I know. It didn’t bother me.”

She pushes the curtain back and sits on the edge of the tub, no doubt getting wet from the spray. “I’ve been a really bad friend. I know, but I’m going to be better. I don’t think I’ll be able to text every day but every few? And maybe we can go back to weekly phone calls. I usually don’t work much on Sundays.”

“I’d like that.” I smile over my shoulder at her. “But I’ve been a bad friend our entire relationship, so no need to apologize there.”

I turn, not thinking about it and jump when Ronni gasps.

Seeing what she’s looking at I throw a hand to my forehead. Dumbass!

“He . . . carved his name in you.” The judgment is thick in her voice.

“It’s not a big deal. He got my name tattooed on him too.”

Her wild eyes fly to mine. “Not a big deal? Oh my God, Payson, that’s a huge deal. A tattoo can be covered. You can never get rid of that.” She points to my stomach.

“That’s the point,” I mutter. I step closer to her so her finger pokes into the scarred flesh. “I can never get rid of him, Ron. I know you don’t like it, but he’s it for me.” Her face scrunches and she traces each letter with her finger. “He’s always been it for me, you know this.”

“That’s the problem, Pay.”

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