Page 88 of Leave Me Broken

“Half sister, yes. She was born when I was eleven.”

“She never mentioned you.”

“We weren’t close.”

Accepting that answer for now, I lean back and gesture for him to continue. Sighing, he walks over and sits next to me. The swing creaks under his weight, and I wonder if it will break. Lauren would be so upset.

“As I was saying, twenty-seven years ago I met this girl at a, uh, strip club.” My eyebrows furrow but he doesn’t give me the chance to interrupt. “Things happened and well, we started dating. We dated for about two years, then she fell pregnant and everything else fell around it. I was twenty-five at that time and had no interest in having children. I loved my girlfriend but did not want a child. I asked her to abort but because of her strong religious background, she refused, so I broke up with her.”

“You really are an asshole.”

“Yes, I am.” At least he’s not trying to deny it. “She went through with the pregnancy, and I was not there for her once. No appointments, no late-night runs to the store for cravings. Nothing. I was out banging other girls while my ex-girlfriend was miserable for nine months growing our son.”

“You have a son?”

Jethro’s gaze fills with something but I can’t place my finger on what. But he nods. “I do. I missed the birth and didn’t even meet my son until he was eight months old because I was so mad at my girlfriend for going through with it. Of course, at that point, she hated me but there was still love in her eyes, and when I walked back into the picture, I took advantage of that. We fell back into bed together, but I didn’t stop fucking other girls. In her eyes, we were a happy family. I let her believe that for a long time, years even, until I met Sarah.”

“Sarah? Olivia’s mom?” I have heard the name in passing.

He dips his chin. “Yes. Olivia’s mom. The moment she started interning at my work, I stopped sleeping with my girlfriend altogether, stopped coming home on time, started staying late at the office. It’s no surprise Sarah caught feelings; I didn’t give her much of a choice. I enjoyed Sarah’s attention more than my girlfriend’s but there was a part of me that loved my girlfriend—in a way. Not like I loved Sarah, plus we had a son.

“I couldn’t just stop being a dad. I could break up with my girlfriend but couldn’t break up with my son, and at that point, I didn’t want to. I fell in love with being a dad. I loved my son despite not wanting him in the first place. So, I broke up with my girlfriend in hopes we could co-parent. Unfortunately, she was over my bullshit, and when I told her there was someone else, she took my son from me, moved back to her hometown and that was it.”

“You didn’t go after them?” I’m growing to hate him more and more by the moment.

“Of course I did. I was a dick but not heartless.” He scoffs. “I drove all the way to her hometown; I had never been there, but she’d mentioned the town a time or two. Mentioned her dad being a pastor and whatever church it was, so when I got to Bayshore, I slept outside the church for the night. It was Saturday so I knew there would be church Sunday. I was awoken by the pastor and he invited me in, thinking I was just a sinner looking to be led down the way of God. I was a sinner, but that wasn’t what I was looking for. I interrupted him in the middle of his preaching to ask where I could find his daughter.

“He never told me, in fact, he continued with his preaching like I hadn’t interrupted him at all, and I walked out. I asked a few places in town where I might be able to find her, but I must have come across as a psycho because no one told me. No one besides a little old lady I met at the flower shop.”

I have such fond memories at the flower shop. I guess my nana used to work there for a long time, but that was before I was born. Anytime she needed flowers, she would take me with, and they would spend no less than an hour catching up. To make up for making me listen to them, Nana and the owner would take me to the back and let me make any kind of bouquet I wanted to bring home to my mom. Speaking of my mom, I wish Jethro would get to the part where my mom and his stalking comes in because I really don’t care that he was a terrible boyfriend or father. I feel sorry for his son, but not him.

“She said, ‘I could tell you where she is but what are you going to bring to her life? Good or bad?’”

I didn’t know how to answer because I knew it wasn’t all good, but I was focused on getting to my son. So I lied and said good. She saw through me and gave me the address of the church and said I could find what I needed, not wanted, needed there. I was so mad at everyone in this fucking town I drove home. Over the next few weeks, I went crazy because I missed my son. Oddly enough, I missed my girlfriend too. I didn’t like not knowing where they were or what they were up to. I imagined him crying for me and me not being there. It sucked. Also, I convinced Sarah to move to Bayshore. Sarah was an angel and agreed even though I knew she didn’t want to. We were moved and settled into a shitty apartment two weeks later, and a week after that, I bumped into my ex and my son at the park. There was only one back in the day, so I’d go every weekend afternoon at night, waiting.”

“Oh my God, you really were a stalker.”

He rolls his eyes but shrugs. “I was, yes, I suppose, but we call that private investigating now. If you had a child on this earth, wouldn’t you do everything you could to see them?”

“Most people would.” I roll my eyes digging at his brother.

He sighs. “Yes, most people would.”

There’s a few beats of awkward silence before I encourage him to continue so I don’t have to feel awkward anymore. This story is rather entertaining because he’s coming across as a huge prick and he doesn’t even sound sorry.

“We argued, and she told me she moved so I couldn’t hurt her anymore. She didn’t want her son growing up around someone like me, someone so selfish.” I mean, fair. At least this little boy seems to have a good mom in his life.

“She was right, I was selfish. I took advantage of her love for years. I took advantage of everything about her for years and I made a promise to only be there for our son. I wouldn’t hurt her anymore. Unfortunately, at that point, my son was five and didn’t want anything to do with me. I was a stranger and he saw how his mom cried anytime I was around and that was enough for him to forget about the years we spent bonding. I don’t blame him, in fact, I never respected anyone more than that five-year-old. He saw through my bs even before I did.

“So, I stopped trying. I promised I would be around whenever he wanted but I wouldn’t force a relationship. I had begged my ex to give me their number and she reluctantly agreed. I called weekly but neither of them wanted to talk to me. I sent letters. I sent her money when I started making some. I did everything I could—from a distance. A year later, Sarah and I married, and I invited him to be in the wedding. He didn’t even come. A couple years after that, we still hadn’t fallen pregnant. I would see my ex and my son in town periodically, and anytime I did, I hated the feeling of jealousy. Then Sarah fell pregnant and everything was perfect, I had a new family so I didn’t need my old one.”

“You aren’t making me like you any more than I already do. In fact, I already wasn’t your biggest fan and you are making me hate you. You know who you sound like? My bio dad. Your brother. Does shitty dads just run in the family or something?”

“I don’t remember my dad much, but Hunter’s dad is okay. Treats my mom good and that’s all I can ask.”

His mom. I didn’t even think about the fact I have another set of grandparents. Fred’s parents died before he got with my mom, so I’ve always just had my grandpa and nana. “Where do your parents live?”

“Florida.”

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