Page 7 of State of Mind

“You’re being boring,” Jayden said after a minute.

Wilder rolled his eyes. “I’m working. Go bother Knox—he’ll probably be more interested than I am.”

“He at least appreciates the aesthetic of porn stars,” Jayden said, hopping off the stool.

Wilder looked up with a quirked brow. “Is his brother a porn star?”

“Well no, but you know, because of Adriano, he probably knows some. I bet he’s had sex with a few,” Jayden said, waving his hand. “See you tonight?”

Tuesday—wine night with Jayden and Knox at the Tavern since it was always one of the deadest nights. Five years ago, if Wilder tried to even consider sitting on a patio under the stars in some coastal historical city in Georgia, drinking wine and talking about nothing—he would have laughed.

He would have laughed, and maybe cried a little, because there had been many years he thought he’d never be able to feel normal again.

Even with therapy, even with medication, things had overwhelmed him for so goddamn long. And now, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to trust his heart—to be vulnerable with another man—but he had this. And it felt like enough.

“I’ll be there. Pick me up?”

Jayden gave him a mock-salute, then let himself out.

Grabbing the frosting, Wilder shoved it into the walk-in, then turned to the stove to start his custard. Dmitri would be in soon, and the shop would open. And it would probably be dead, because Tuesdays were always dead, but it would be routine. It would wrap around him softly and comfort him with its steady presence, never defying expectation, and never letting him down.

Savannah was a sanctuary, and he knew he would protect that with his life.

CHAPTER 4

Luca pushed his sunglasses up high on his head, staring around the empty space. Dust was thick in the air, floating in glittering specs through rays of sunlight that filtered through parted blinds. It was furnished in light florals and dark wood, like someone had given his nonny an endless budget and access to all of the 1978 Sears home furnishing’s catalogue.

He could hear Nellie, the realtor, pacing the hallway talking in low, irritated tones, and he fought back the urge to eavesdrop. She reminded him of Gabby in a lot of ways, and it was in this moment—hours and hours on the road and now standing in a room he’d rented sight unseen that he missed her like a physical ache.

The trip to Savannah had been planned, even if it had been mostly in his subconscious. He hadn’t been able to escape the idea of that city since Adriano had come home with endless praises on the tips of his fingers.

He’d taken the road in slowly, savoring the curves and bends of the road as it twisted through forests.

It was surrounded by heavy woods on all sides until the road burst open to reveal a city trapped in time that looked like it had come right out of a tourism handbook. He had second thoughts, then thirds, then fourths, but eventually he forced himself to follow his GPS down small on-way downtown streets until he reached the little dirt parking lot leading to the home he’d be renting for the next several weeks.

He closed his eyes for a second and tried to picture Adriano in that space. He hadn’t been brave enough to ask Adriano where he’d spent his time. Hell, he hadn’t been brave enough to text his brother and tell him he had packed all his shit and booked a rental in Savannah for three months.

He knew, deep down, Adriano would have only encouraged him to go, but he wanted to try and claim a little bit of wholeness and peace for himself, without Adriano holding his hand.

He was starting to doubt again, though. Augustin House was some of the most expensive lodging Savannah had to offer—the place cost a mint, but it was simple, and it was as old as the city was.

Luca usually divided his time between his beach house in Malibu and his little cottage near Pietro in Napa Valley. He told himself he needed to shed the trappings of that life which had left him hollow and lost, but he wasn’t ready to go back to his early years of struggle and wanting.

He didn’t want to feel like that broke teenager hip-checking vending machines for stray Reese’s Cups and hoarding lost change he found on the sidewalk so he could get burritos on the weekends with his friends who never had to worry where their pocket money was coming from.

And he knew it was too easy to forget—that he was too quick to erase those lean college years where he had to choose between keeping the lights on and going out with his friends on Thursday nights. He liked his life, and he didn’t want to lose all of it. He just didn’t know how to fill the aching gaps inside him without letting it all go.

“Well?”

Luca turned at the sound of Nellie’s voice, and he pasted on a smile that felt more like a grimace. “It’s…”

Her cheek hollowed like she was biting it to fight off a smile, and when he didn’t finish his sentence, she lifted a brow at him. “I know a nice hotel if this isn’t up to your standards.”

“I don’t want to stay at a hotel,” Luca said, waving his hand at her. “I mean, I’m sure they’re all great, but I want to be somewhere that I have time and space to myself, you know?”

“Right,” she said. “So…here, or…?”

He had a feeling she didn’t have much more than this, and he wasn’t sure it was worth wasting any more of his time hunting around for yet another thing that was going to be impermanent. “Here’s great. Thank you, Ms. Fitzgerald.”

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