Page 77 of State of Mind

CHAPTER 23

“Okay … it out … system,” Jayden wheedled as they pushed past a cluster of bushes and made their way to the bank of the creek.

Wilder blinked at him behind the dark glasses. They were an ill fit and designer and less comfortable than the ten-dollar ones he bought at the gas station, but it had given Luca a little thrill when Wilder picked them up and asked to borrow them for the afternoon.

“Say that again.”

“Get it out of your system. The complaint,” Jayden clarified, leaning in close so Wilder would be able to hear him over the water. “The fact that I dragged your skinny, pale ass out here for some sun because you were wallowing behind the counter, and now you feel unproductive.”

Wilder sighed as they climbed onto a flat boulder and sat side-by-side. “I’m not going to complain today.”

“Yes, you are. Complicated sex thing or dead dad thing?” Jayden asked.

Wilder chuckled at his lack of tact, and he shrugged. “Both? I don’t know.”

Jayden grabbed a handful of rocks and tossed them in, one by one, before he spoke again. “Has your mom texted you?”

Wilder let out a bitter laugh and shook his head. He wanted to push the sunglasses off his face, but he’d been suffering a post-flight headache since he woke up from his sex-induced nap. And Luca was a pleasant distraction from the pain, but he knew he had a few days left before it went away entirely.

“I wasn’t expecting her to. I basically dragged her to hell and back, and trust me when I say that my Deaf family is adept at reading between the signs.” He smirked a little. “I mean, they had to know how she was.”

Jayden rubbed his fist in a circle over his chest. ‘I’m sorry.’

Wilder shrugged. He’d moved past his anger at them for never stepping in—for only offering bare-bones comfort when they were around. It wasn’t their job, even if he would always feel let down, but it was hard to be angry at all now. Not when a different path might have taken him away from Savannah. He didn’t like to imagine his life outside of it—of what he would be doing, and who he would know. He was happy here, really and truly and properly. He wasn’t going to give that up for a second of peace in his childhood.

“How’s the new salon building coming along?” Jayden had purchased property a few months back, and right before Wilder got back into town, they finally broke ground so he could move out of the old tourist building and have something that was just his.

“Stressful, wonderful. I hate design, and Tim loves it, so he’s taking over most of that. I just…” Jayden let out a small sigh, but he looked happy. “I’ll feel better when it’s done, and it’s ours.”

“Sounds nice,” Wilder said.

“Deaf joke?” Jayden asked.

Wilder laughed again. “Not this time.” He bit his lip, then stared down at his hands. “It’s nice, you know, having him here? Having someone who speaks my language. It makes me feel like all those bits of home I lost when I walked away have come back.”

“I’ll be better,” Jayden promised. “I’ll practice more.”

Wilder shook his head. “Just give it to me when I ask for it, okay? I’m…I’m okay in both worlds now. I don’t need her approval. I am who I am. I’m Deaf, and I’m hard of hearing. And I’m in Savannah with people who give a shit about me. I’m not lonely.”

“I’ll be more, when you need me to,” Jayden promised, and Wilder leaned into him. “You love Luca, right? Like you’re in love with him?”

Wilder nodded and let his cheek rest against Jayden’s shoulder. “I feel like those words aren’t enough, though.”

Jayden chuckled, too soft for Wilder to hear, but he saw the way his smile twitched and the way his shoulders moved with the quiet laughter. “I know that feeling.”

“And you don’t regret any of it?” Wilder asked after a beat. He hadn’t been around for Jayden’s grand tumble into love with Tim, but he’d heard about how long it had taken for Jayden to trust him enough to let him close.

It wasn’t the same for him and Luca, but that was okay, because he didn’t need a love story like Jayden and Tim’s. He had too many scars to ignore, and he didn’t want someone who would try to pretend like they weren’t there. He wanted to be embraced for who he was, as he was—and then leave room for what he would become years down the road.

He wasn’t sure Luca could give him all of that, but Luca was a man who wanted to try. And that was enough.

“What are you going to do now?” Jayden asked.

Wilder smiled. “I’m going to take Luca on a date. And I’m going to kiss him at the end of it.”

“Are you going to let him walk you to the door and make out with him like a fifties teenager?” Jayden asked with a small grin.

Wilder hugged himself around his middle, and he nodded. “And then I think I’m going to invite him over to stay.”

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