Page 75 of State of Mind

“So not boyfriend benefits?” Knox asked.

Luca pushed past Jayden to extend his hand to the other man and liked that his grip was firm and friendly. “Wilder and I aren’t a couple. Not officially.”

Jayden rolled his eyes. “Sure. Anyway,” he shoved the box at them, “it’s a welcome back gift. Wilder would kick my ass if I charged you for these.”

Knox smiled, holding the box close to his chest, and Luca felt a small pulse of jealousy as he wondered if he’d ever fit in like that.

He loved it there, and he wanted to hold tight to whatever Savannah would allow him to have.

Digging in his pocket, Luca pulled out his phone and stared at the black screen that refused to light up. He wanted to call Raphael or text Wilder—he wanted some connection, but the damn thing was dead. “Fuck.”

“Want mine?” Jayden offered after Knox and Fitz walked out.

Luca dragged a hand through his hair. “No. I’ll plug it in the office. You got this?”

Jayden waved his hand at the empty lobby. “I think I can manage the swarm.”

He didn’t rise to the sarcasm bait, instead pushing through the kitchen doors and moving around Adam before he had to deal with any more smartass comments. The door to the office was half open, the lighting dim and soft the way Wilder liked it. It smelled like him, and there were photos of people around town eating his cupcakes on the walls, pinned to the corkboard, and there were cards from kids from birthday parties he catered.

It was sweet, and it was perfect. It was pieces of Wilder leaving marks on the city like gentle scars of pride, and Luca wanted some of his own—desperately. He rubbed at his arms, then sat down and fished around for the phone cord, finding it tucked under the desk. He waited for the battery symbol to light up, then he set it down and reached for the one single framed photo that was on the desk.

He’d seen it earlier, and he knew instinctively the dark-haired woman next to him was his sister. He was younger in the photo—probably before his ex, before everything had gone to hell. But he didn’t look like a child, and Luca was pretty sure that Wilder had lived too many experiences long before he knew his ex’s name. He wished he was there with him, like a physical ache, just to provide some barrier between Wilder and the people who had created those caverns of doubt that lived ugly and present behind his ribs.

Luca knew better than to think he could heal them, but he could soften the blow maybe—if Wilder let him. But maybe Wilder needed this, and Luca could only hope that being here when he got back mattered.

With a sigh, he checked his phone again, but as he set it back down, he heard someone coming down the hall. He braced himself for more of Adam’s acerbic comments, or maybe even Dmitri’s quiet frustration, but instead the door swung open, and Wilder filled the doorway.

Luca blinked, then blinked again, like maybe his desperation had driven him to hallucination, but Wilder stayed the same. He was exhausted, and his hands were shaking a little, and his mouth was drawn in a tight line as he gripped the doorway like he might fall over if he didn’t brace himself.

Luca rose to his feet and took a step forward, then stuttered to a halt. “I—” he said, but he wasn’t sure Wilder wanted voice right then.

Wilder pushed forward, then shut the door behind him before reaching out and grabbing Luca around the back of his neck. “Say my name.”

Luca breathed out, “Wilder.”

“Again,” he demanded.

‘Wilder.’ Luca signed it—the name sign Wilder had showed him all those weeks ago.

His lover released a small, strained laugh. “Now, kiss me immediately because I’m about to lose my goddamn mind.”

Luca had a thousand questions, but every single one of them could wait as he crowded Wilder back against the door, pressed a thigh between his legs, and propped him up so their lips could meet. He tasted stale and sour, like coffee and spit. His tongue was warm, and it was soft as it tangled with his own, like he needed those kisses to breathe, and Luca cupped his face and held him still as he devoured him.

“I missed you,” Wilder murmured. He pressed his palm to the side of Luca’s throat, right over his pulse, like he was confirming it beat just for him—and right then, it did. “You’ve been here the whole time.” This he said with wonder and disbelief, and it made Luca laugh because of course he was. Where the hell else would he have been?

“I didn’t stay in California long. It only took me a day to get my shit together, and Adriano’s helping with the rest. He says hi, by the way.”

Wilder dropped his forehead to the top of Luca’s shoulder, and for a moment, he thought he was laughing, and then the tears began to soak in through his shirt. He let out a panicked breath and held him tight, and suddenly a raw, angry sob ripped from his lover, and Wilder clung to him with clawed fingers and an open mouth.

Luca wasn’t sure what to do. No one had ever cried like this, no one had ever trusted him enough. He wanted to hold him and rock him and promise to never let anything bad ever touch him again, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to allow a single lie between them—even if it wasn’t intentional.

So, he just kissed the side of his temple and the crown of his head, and he held Wilder back just as fiercely as he was being held until Wilder’s grip relaxed, and his breathing began to even out. When he pulled back, he looked like he could fall asleep on his feet, and Luca brushed the remaining tears from his cheeks with his thumbs.

‘Did you cry at all while you were there?’ he asked as Wilder pushed back to give him signing space.

Wilder shook his head. ‘I wasn’t sad. I’ll miss him, but I wasn’t sad.’

‘Why now?’

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