Page 69 of State of Mind

Noah and Adriano both laughed, and they carefully dished out food and moved to the sofa to sit and eat. ‘Adam said you’re going back,’ Noah signed with one hand as he forked rice into his mouth.

Luca shrugged. ‘I am. Nellie’s finding me a real apartment to stay in, and I told Dmitri I’d help him with the accounting books when I got back so the shop doesn’t fall apart before Wilder gets home.’

Noah blinked, and for a second, Luca swore he saw tears. ‘How are the renovations going?’

Luca shook his head. ‘I don’t know how different it is from when you were there, but it looks good, and Wilder said your brother isn’t as angry about it anymore.’

‘I’m glad. I was worried,’ Noah answered, and Adriano set his fork down so he could pull Noah into a kiss. When he pulled back, the tension in Noah’s grin had eased. ‘I’m glad he’s happy there. I’m glad it’s doing well.’

‘They all miss you,’ Luca told him, and that much was true. It was hard to go ten feet in that city block without hearing about the bakery that was, even if they loved the bakery that stood there now. ‘They’re proud of you.’

Noah flushed, and Adriano grinned at Luca. ‘Me too. And I’m proud of you. I didn’t think you’d find anything there.’

‘I had to find something somewhere,’ Luca answered, biting his lip. ‘Couldn’t be a waste of space forever.’

Adriano’s face hardened, and he shifted closer to his brother. ‘Is that what you think?’

‘I—’ Luca began, his finger hovering pointed at himself.

Adriano made a scoffing noise in the back of his throat. ‘You spent your entire childhood taking care of me. You were the only one who learned my language. You stood up for me, fought for me. Taught me how to fight…’ His fingers hovered as he trailed off, then he shook his head. ‘How can you think you’re a waste of space?’

Luca’s cheeks were hot, and his throat felt tight. ‘I never did anything meaningful with my life. All of you had goals. You had passion. I never did.’ He stopped and shrugged. ‘I wasn’t sure what the hell I was looking for, but I think I found it.’

‘In Wilder?’ Adriano asked.

Luca shook his head. ‘He’s part of it, but he’s not everything. He helped me see that, though. That Savannah could be good for me.’

‘Wilder’s a good man.’ Noah set his plate down and swiped a napkin over his mouth before he went on. ‘I think you two could make each other happy. And I think that matters—even if it isn’t everything.’

It wasn’t what Luca was expecting, and he took a minute to make sure he’d read the signs correctly, but the looks he was getting from Noah and his brother said everything. They saw his worth—even if he wasn’t much more of anything but a man sitting on the couch of an apartment that was about to be sold.

He was still a person worth loving.

‘I hope so,’ was all he could say.

But Adriano nodded, and Luca realized he was making the right choice. Even if it crashed and burned in the end, he wouldn’t regret it. Wilder was worth this fight.

CHAPTER 21

It was almost comical that Wilder woke up the morning of the funeral with vertigo so bad, he could barely stand. He went through his routine of lying on his back, of putting his feet on the floor, and a towel over his face, and breathing through his nose.

All of his usual techniques only took the edge off, though, and it was a struggle to walk in a straight line. He made his way to the kitchen, hoping some caffeine would help, and his fingers itched to reach for his phone and text Luca because all he wanted was to be home with him.

But Luca wasn’t home. At least, not the last time they spoke. Wilder was holding himself back only to preserve their fragile beginning, because he was in a place that brought out the worst in him, and the last thing he wanted was to take these angry, ugly feelings out on the man he was falling for. He didn’t want Luca to know this side of him. Ever.

This side of him only existed here, in this place, and he was ready to leave it behind.

After he’d gone to meet his family, his mother had all but ignored him other than to hand him a list of people to call for funeral appointments. He didn’t bother trying to remind her he couldn’t, and instead went upstairs to get his best friend on Skype for the help. It was a mark of Jayden’s love that he didn’t ask questions, just made all the appointments and got it all settled.

He managed to find interpreting services for last minute, but only after his mother demanded that he interpret the services instead of hiring someone.

‘You can still hear enough,’ she said, narrowing her eyes at him and reminding him that even deaf, he would never be welcome. ‘I don’t see what the problem is.’

He wanted to defend himself, but he was just tired. His heart was battered, and all he wanted to do was go home and shut down.

Willow, however, took his side for the first time that he could remember. ‘His dad just died. He’s not going to interpret even if he could hear.’ Her fingers were angry, slapping, reflecting the frustration on her face that he rarely saw directed at their mother.

She had been the obvious favorite, and as a kid seemed to relish whenever their mom had been cruel to him. She enjoyed her privileges, and she wasn’t shy about admitting it. And maybe it was different. Maybe she’d matured. Or maybe she was just feeling the loss of their father more profoundly than either of them expected to.

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