Page 61 of State of Mind

“I want to feel you. I need it.” It wasn’t quite a plea, but it was close enough, and Luca closed his hand around his shaft and gave it a firm, easy stroke. “God. Like that,” Wilder breathed out.

Luca stroked, feeling the heavy weight of Wilder’s cock against his palm, feeling the sticky wetness as he ran a thumb over his slit. He was suddenly desperate to taste him, to fall to his knees and open himself in every single way he was allowed. “Let me suck you,” he said.

Wilder’s eyes opened again. “Say that again.”

‘Let me suck you,’ Luca signed, then rubbed a flat palm over his chest. ‘Please.’

Wilder’s pupils dilated, and he laid both hands on Luca’s shoulders, pushing down by way of answer. Luca’s knees hit the tile hard—enough to hurt, but the pain kept him grounded as he gained his balance with hands on Wilder’s hips. He was the perfect height there to take it, to open up and let Wilder thrust hot and heavy along his tongue.

He tasted of come and soap residue—musky and clean—and Luca groaned as the head of Wilder’s dick brushed the back of his throat with his first thrust. Wilder let out a stuttered moan, sounding almost like he was in agony, but when Luca looked up, he saw him with his head back and eyes closed, cheeks flushed with pleasure. His lips were parted, and his hands moved from where they grappled at the tile to curl into Luca’s wet locks.

“Open wider,” he ordered, and Luca opened until his jaw ached.

Wilder ran his thumb around where Luca’s lips stretched to the point of ache, and then he thrust again. One hand moved from Luca’s hair to his cheek, and Wilder’s eyes were wide and almost frantic, disbelieving as he thrust again. And then again.

Luca choked, but his grip on Wilder’s hips didn’t let him pull away. He took it all, took everything Wilder had to give—desperation and pain and desire and need. He swallowed it all down, more than just willing. He was grateful. He felt appreciated and desired as himself, exactly as he was.

With his second moan, Wilder’s hips stuttered, and they sped up faster than Luca was prepared for. Before he could protest, before he could ease the motions, Wilder gave a short cry, and then he was coming. Hot ropes spilled along Luca’s tongue, and he closed his mouth, sucking him dry until Wilder gasped and touched his face.

The cock slipped past his lips, dragging down his chin before Luca leaned back, and he braced himself on Wilder’s thighs, staring up at him through the faint mist from the showerhead. He looked exhausted, his eyes closed, his head bowed forward. It was enough to send Luca climbing to his feet and easing his lover under the spray to rinse his hair free of the conditioner.

“What about you?” Wilder murmured. His hand reached for Luca’s hard dick, but Luca grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away.

When Wilder looked up, he shook his head and tapped the thumb of his open palm on his chest. ‘I’m fine.’

Wilder’s brows furrowed, but he didn’t fight him as Luca turned the water off, then stepped out to wrap himself in a towel. He used the second to dry Wilder’s body with long swipes, then wrapped him up in the soft cloth before using a smaller one to dry his hair. He didn’t bother with pajamas, instead bustling him back into the bedroom and pulling back the covers.

“I need to charge my phone,” Wilder argued. “Need to find my batteries for my hearing aids.”

‘Let me,’ Luca insisted, then got Wilder between the sheets before he set off to do as his lover asked. Wilder’s phone was in the pocket of his jeans, and Luca plugged it in before digging around in his travel case to find his pack of batteries. He had no idea how to replace them, so he left them beside the hearing aids on the nightstand, then killed the light and climbed into the bed.

It was earlier than he’d normally turn in, but Wilder’s soft, warm body pressed against his was enough to get him halfway to sleep before his body was fully relaxed. He turned onto his side slightly, then Wilder did the same and spooned against Luca’s chest, letting out a bone-deep sigh as he was held in a tight grasp.

“Wake me if my phone goes off. Please.”

Luca wanted to tell him no, to rest, that it would be waiting for him in the morning, but he knew better than that. This wasn’t something Wilder could afford to ignore. So, he nodded against the back of his head, then laid kisses to Wilder’s neck, to his shoulders, to the center of his spine until his body settled, and his breathing evened, and Luca was pretty sure he was asleep.

CHAPTER 18

Wilder woke, disoriented and confused—the feeling like he’d slept too much and too little all at the same time. The room was still dark, the sky without even a hint of morning light, and Wilder rolled away from the arm tucked around his waist to find his phone. It was settled on the nightstand next to his hearing aid batteries, and he felt a wash of unexpected affection for Luca’s easy caretaking.

Wilder wasn’t sure anyone had ever done that for him before. He had vague memories of his childhood, of his dad holding him at night and sitting him on his knee as he signed storybooks. But as he got older, and his mother’s resentment simmered hotter and richer, his father backed off. Wilder knew his dad loved him, but he had never loved him enough to risk that anger turning around on him.

He’d suffered alone, for years. When he got out of the hospital, his mother had given him a look of disdain, had called him weak for staying with Scott as long as he had. He recovered in his childhood bedroom with drawn curtains and perfunctory health checks. No one had hugged him when he felt too close to shattered. No one had called him brave for leaving. He’d pieced himself back together entirely by himself and held the weight of it all in his own hands. He was proud of having made it this far, but he felt a rush of terror now because Luca’s affection was going to get addicting.

He took a breath, then turned the screen on and saw two messages from his sister twenty minutes apart. He knew what they were, and for a brief, wild moment, he thought maybe if he didn’t bother to open them, they wouldn’t be real. He wouldn’t have to deal with it.

But he was no fool. Not really.

Willow: Things bad. Mom want to know if you have ticket already.

Willow: Dad gone. Heart stop at one, and not bring back. Come home.

Wilder let the phone clatter to the floor, and he rolled onto his back as Luca startled beside him. He felt his lover shift, press against him, the vibration of a sleepy grunt rippling up the side of his arm where Luca had pressed his chest. He knew he should turn on the light, maybe put in his hearing aids, maybe explain why it was suddenly impossible to breathe, but it felt like his limbs were filled with lead.

He didn’t realize he was shaking and gasping for air until Luca was pushing up on his elbow and reaching for the light. His hand touched Wilder’s cheek, and he barely felt it, but he was able to fix his gaze on his lover’s eyes, and suddenly, the room stopped spinning. It wasn’t vertigo, but it was close. He was off kilter, and the only thing that kept him from tumbling off the side of the world was the press of Luca’s warm fingers.

‘Talk to me.’

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