Page 54 of State of Mind

Luca’s brows lifted, eyes going wide, but he didn’t ask what for. He just leaned in to kiss him. “Come on,” he murmured, trailing his lips to speak against the shell of his hear. “Let’s get this cooked so we can get your booth set up. I’m looking forward to this date night.”

Wilder stole a last kiss, then stepped back to tip the zucchini into the pan next to the meat. “Selling cupcakes isn’t much of a date.”

“It is to me.” And the absolute and simplistic honesty of his words were enough to make Wilder feel like he’d finally gotten something right.

* * *

“Oh, shit. Oh, holy shit.”

Wilder turned his head in a half panic at the sound of Jayden’s voice rising above the crowd as he clambered over the table and into the booth. ‘What’s wrong?’ he signed, pulling him close.

‘You,’ Jayden signed, then bit his lip and leaned in so Wilder would be able to hear him over the crowd. “You’re in love!”

Wilder blinked, then took a step back. ‘No.’

Rolling his eyes, Jayden turned and motioned across the way where Luca was currently in deep discussion with both Sonia and Knox at the blacksmith stand. Wilder knew Knox had given him shit, but whatever happened in the two hours Luca had wandered the Market, it seemed like things were fine now. In fact, Knox was grinning at him and pushing something into his hands.

Wilder had been watching them—and admiring Luca’s lithe form, he couldn’t deny that. And he had also been feeling a lot of things deep in his gut—soft and a little scary, but so damn good. And yet… the idea of being in love? This soon?

“You can’t lie to me. I am your self-appointed platonic soul mate, and it’s my job to notice these things,” Jayden said, slinging an arm around Wilder’s waist and speaking close to his ear. “You are in love with him.”

His pulse raced—he could feel it against the inside of his throat and thrumming in his ears. It had never felt like this before, not before Scott and not with him either. And he realized he had no true baseline for what a healthy relationship was like. But still… Love?

“Don’t panic,” Jayden said firmly, turning Wilder to face him. “Breathe, and then take that man home, and fuck him stupid.”

And there. There was the real issue, because Wilder had loved what they’d done so far—loved Luca’s soft, careful way of handling him and loved how he didn’t push for more and didn’t use the phrase, ‘when you’re ready.’ He acted like Wilder’s boundaries were permanent, and it was…

Perfect. Too perfect.

It had to be too good to be true, because no one would ever stay that patient. Luca didn’t have the same kind of trauma, and eventually, he’d get bored with over the clothes frotting, or hand jobs, or however close Wilder could get to the things most people wanted.

But Wilder wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready for anything more than that.

He hadn’t liked penetration before Scott, and when he was with him, he hadn’t been given a lot of say in the matter. And now, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to open himself that way. So why would Luca want to stay with that mess, no matter how they felt about each other?

Relationships fell apart for smaller things than that—and to assume a man who wasn’t from here—and didn’t entirely belong in a small life like this—would compromise all of that? Just for him?

It was laughable.

“I fucked up,” Jayden said. “I can see your face. Please don’t do this. Please don’t panic and run.”

Wilder looked over again, and this time, Luca’s gaze met his through the crowd, and his mouth softened into a grin before he lifted a hand to wave. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, and he meant it. If there was a coffin, he wouldn’t be the one nailing it shut. He would just prepare himself for when the hammer fell. “I don’t think I love him.”

“Yet,” Jayden pressed.

“I don’t know if I’ll have time for that. He’s not staying.”

He didn’t know what Luca’s plans were. He had a few weeks left booked at the Augustin, and the future after that was just an abstract idea. Luca wasn’t much of a planner, from what Wilder could tell. It almost seemed like they were simply making the best out of their ticking clock before the bomb went off and blew them to pieces.

It would be glorious and painful, and he wouldn’t regret a thing.

Luca’s conversation ended, and Jayden hopped the table and made it around the corner before Luca took his place, squeezing in beside the tent wall. He had a couple of bags hooked on his arm, and he let them fall to the ground before he reached for Wilder, then froze.

‘Sorry,’ he signed.

Wilder frowned. ‘What? Why?’

‘Public.’ Luca spelled the word slowly, his face a mask of worry, and it took Wilder a second to realize what he meant.

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