Page 28 of State of Mind

CHAPTER 10

“So.”

Wilder startled, spinning around to find Jayden perched on the side of his table just a foot away from where he was standing. The sun was almost set, and the second day of the Market was just barely underway, so the crowds were still quiet. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see if you’re ready to talk about it,” Jayden said with a toothy smile. His friend had been better about his tendencies to involve himself in situations that weren’t his business. However, Wilder was well aware of the compulsion—and the moment the rumor mill hit, Jayden had been on him.

“I’m not going to talk about someone else’s business with you,” he said plainly. And that was the truth. Luca had been through enough, and in spite of the fact that long dormant feelings were scaring the shit out of him, he felt the urge to protect Luca from further harm.

Jayden sighed, swinging his legs around the table and hopping into the booth. ‘What if we sign it? No one will know.’

Wilder gave him a flat look and started to sign. ‘Knox will know, and he’ll gossip to everyone else. And I’m already sure Roman knows since Aksel treated him—and the moment Aksel gets drunk…’

“I didn’t follow half of that,” Jayden complained with a sigh. He flopped into Wilder’s chair and then scooted it across the grass until he was at his side. “Can I at least ask if he’s okay?”

“I,” Wilder started, but the truth was, he didn’t know. He and Luca hadn’t spoken in the couple days that passed. He’d pulled away from the Augustin without knowing what Aksel said or how bad the injury was. He read Luca’s desperation to be alone all over his face, so he hadn’t pushed the issue, but he’d wanted to go upstairs with him until he was sure Luca felt better.

He didn’t enjoy the feeling, but it was there and impossible to ignore.

It is not another Scott, he reminded himself sternly as he finished setting up the last of his lemon meringue cupcakes.

Jayden kicked him in the shin. ‘You what?’

‘I don’t know.’ His fingers flicked away from his temple, trembling with a little frustration. ‘I left him back at the Augustin, and he didn’t text.’

“Didn’t text?” Jayden clarified, and Wilder nodded.

“You could always text him.”

“And look desperate?” he blurted, then his face erupted into a blush because he hadn’t meant to say that. He knew what that implied—and worse, that somewhere deep down, he meant it.

Jayden’s face broke into a shit-eating grin and he stood up. “You have a crush.”

“Please don’t,” Wilder begged.

“But…”

Reaching a hand out, Wilder snagged Jayden by the bottom of his shirt and tugged him close. “I’m not ready. Okay?”

Jayden’s eyes glanced down at the exposed scar on Wilder’s forearm, and it was a stark reminder of why he might not ever be totally ready. Or at least, not ready enough to give someone what they wanted—what they needed from a relationship.

“Okay,” Jayden said after a long beat. “But you do…like him, right?”

“Yes,” Wilder hissed, and the admission aloud, as it rushed off his tongue and through his teeth, felt oddly cathartic. He had avoided any idea of crushing on anyone since Scott—and even when he felt gentle stirrings of it in the past, he’d quashed it until it was nothing more than motes of dust in the air. Something about Luca was different, though—and maybe it was the pieces of himself he could see in the man—or maybe it was the unapologetic way he admitted to and embraced his faults.

He couldn’t be more unlike Scott if he tried, and there was some semblance of safety in that which was both wonderful and dangerous at the same time.

“I don’t know what to do with it,” he said, then let Jayden go and ran a hand through his hair.

“I have some suggestions, but you won’t like them.” Jayden took a step back and straightened himself where Wilder had wrinkled him. “But you’re friends, right?”

“Something like that.” In truth, he didn’t know what the hell they were. They’d made some progress, but he wasn’t sure Luca could come back from having Wilder watch him have his dick crushed by a cow hoof. Wilder wasn’t sure he’d be able to look anyone in the eye after they witnessed that. If he ghosted, Wilder wouldn’t blame him.

“He’s at Fitz’s booth.”

Wilder looked up at Jayden’s face. “He’s what?”

‘Fitz’s booth,’ Jayden spelled on his fingers. “He’s looking at scarves. Why don’t you say hi, and I’ll watch your station?”

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