Page 57 of State of Mind

Wilder blinked, not quite sure he’d seen those signs right, but the look on Luca’s face said the rest. ‘Promise?’

Luca didn’t answer with words or sign. Not at first.

He lifted Wilder’s palm to his mouth, then kissed the center gently before closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of them both. When he let go, he met Wilder’s gaze with a careful sort of ferocity he hadn’t been expecting, and he raised his fist first in a nod, then a finger to his lips, dragging down to his hand. ‘Yes. I promise.’

It was the honestly of that moment that allowed Wilder to sag backward and let go of the tension he’d been holding. ‘I’m exhausted.’

Luca shifted onto his ass before kicking the blankets back, then rose to grab a box of tissue from the little nightstand. ‘Want to shower?’

Wilder shook his head, taking a tissue with one hand and using the other to pull his hearing aids out. It took a moment to adjust to the pressure of heavier silence, but it was nice to let ambient noise fade into a murky background.

He finally found the courage to look up again at Luca, who was standing at the foot of the bed with a little hesitance. ‘Are we okay?’ Wilder asked.

Luca stared another moment, then took the soiled tissue from his hand and leaned down to kiss him. ‘Yes.’ His fist nodded against Wilder’s palm.

He shifted over toward the wall to make room for Luca, whose body slid under the sheets and his legs spread before he turned onto his side. ‘Can I hold you?’

It wasn’t what Wilder expected him to ask, but he realized that’s what he needed in that moment. The incident would hang between them—there was no denying that Luca would approach sex again with caution. It would never be what others considered normal—he was aware of that now. And maybe, in the future, it would be different. And maybe, in the future, Luca would get bored and resent him.

But Wilder was determined to never live his life caving to the threats of the unknown. Right now, it was Luca’s warm arms sliding around him after the light went out, and his soft breath—and even softer kisses—brushing the back of his neck.

It was okay, and it wasn’t.

It was perfect, and it wasn’t.

He leaned back heavily into Luca’s embrace, and sleep didn’t take long to claim him.

CHAPTER 17

The third time Luca peeked around the stairs, Jayden was waiting for him. His long-fingered hand caught him by the wrist and dragged him to Raphael’s still-empty desk—where there was a paper bag and a post-it sitting at the edge. “You’re driving me insane.”

Luca pulled a face. “Listen, I just want to know if he’s okay, and…”

His words were cut off when Jayden shoved the bag at him. “Raph’s place is a five-minute drive, and I was stress cooking last night, because he doesn’t feed himself well enough. Someone has to take care of him, and I guess that’s you now.”

Luca’s cheeks flushed, and he glanced down at his hands. “You know it’s not like that, right? I mean, it’s not romantic.”

Jayden laughed and gave his cheek a pat. “Oh, I know. I saw your overnight visitor sneaking out of here early this morning, but it doesn’t need to be like that, does it? He likes you. Raphael doesn’t make friends easily, and he has a hard time keeping them around when he does.”

Luca hated to hear that, mostly because Raphael was such a good person, and he deserved to be loved in every way a person should be loved—platonic and romantic and everything in between. Luca could offer one small corner of that vast universe, and he hoped maybe it was something worth keeping.

He clutched Jayden’s bag to his chest and headed out for his car without going upstairs to change. The drive was short, and he wanted to use that time to try and compose himself before he saw his friend.

And frankly, he could use the distraction from the memory of Wilder panicking and shaking in his arms. Or more accurately, he was trying not to feel choked with guilt because it was something he’d done, even if it had been unintentional.

Part of him wanted to give in to his panic and run, like he would have done even just a couple of weeks ago, but Wilder deserved so much better than that. It wasn’t Luca’s job to decide for Wilder what he wanted in a partner, but he needed to face the fact that there were real and actual barriers they would hit if they were going to do this.

That alone was also weighing on him, because they didn’t really talk it out when it was over. Wilder had allowed Luca to hold him and kiss him. They’d woken up tangled in each other, and nothing about Wilder seemed hesitant or unsure. He wasn’t afraid of Luca. He kissed him before he left, tucking him back into the blankets, and promised him in a soft whisper to see him after the shop closed. But he still felt unsettled, and seeing his friend was the one thing he needed that afternoon, even if it was solely to focus on making Raphael feel better from whatever had him down.

Pulling up next to Raphael’s car, Luca made his way to the front door and contemplated calling. But Jayden seemed to think it was fine to just show up, so he let his finger hover over the buzzer while he gathered the courage to drop in.

Savannah wasn’t some idyllic nineteen-fifties TV show with manicured lawns and people having block parties, but it was an entirely new, southern, East Coast culture that was taking some real getting used to. He liked that he could stand there at Raphael’s door, ring the bell, and he wouldn’t be ostracized for committing some heinous social faux pas.

“Come in!”

Luca was startled when he heard Raphael’s voice, but he pushed the door open and walked into the living room. Raphael was on the sofa, his legs curled up under a heavy blanket. He looked exhausted, but not as bad as Luca assumed for having been out of work as long as he had been.

It didn’t look like the flu, but he had dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was a greasy mess. His brows rose when he saw Luca though, and he sat up straighter. “Jayden sent you?”

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