Page 37 of State of Mind

It had to be love.

* * *

The meal wasn’t great. It was barely tolerable, but the atmosphere and their shared laughter made the whole thing worth it. Luca’s smile continued to light up his entire face, and Wilder felt a wild compulsion to do everything in his power to keep it there.

As the server took a way their barely touched dessert dishes, Wilder slipped a cash tip under the salt shaker, then rose and extended his hand. “We have a whole aquarium to see if you’re up for it.”

Luca’s palm was warm against his, fingers tight as he held on, and he let Wilder lead the way past the dome and into the hallway that he knew led to the interactive exhibits. A lot of the hallways were roped off, but he could smell the sharp scent of saltwater from the touch pools, and he felt a sort of rush—making him aware of the youth still left in his bones as they hurried along the dark corridor and into the open space.

With the museum closed to the public, there were only a few people milling around that had finished dinner before them, and Wilder felt his entire body sag with relief. They weren’t alone, but they were close enough. There was no one intruding on this night between them.

He smiled at Luca, who grinned back shyly, then tugged on Wilder’s hand until they came to a stop by the stingray pool. The animals inside were swimming around lazily, brushing the top of the water, then sinking back down. Luca cocked his hip on the side of the wall and dragged his fingers through the water.

“I… stung… before…trip.” Luca’s face was tipped down, so with the splashing noise of the pool, Wilder missed a lot of the sentence.

“Did you say you got stung?” he asked as he shifted closer.

“In the hand.” Luca lifted his head and pulled his hand from the water, turning his wrist to the side to display a short, thin scar beside his thumb. “Adriano took us all to Mexico one year to celebrate his birthday. It was his ex’s idea,” he said it with such a deep scowl that Wilder wanted to hug him. “There was this cove right outside our hotel, and the front desk had forgotten to warn us that there was a massive stingray migration going on. I was sitting in the sand, and I put my hand down and…” He slapped the water, making one of the rays jet off to the other side.

Wilder’s stomach clenched in sympathy. “Did it hurt?”

Luca laughed, shaking his head. “Not the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Less than taking a cow hoof to the testicles. But yeah, it was pretty bad. My hand swelled up like three times its size, and I had to go home.”

Wilder reached over, grabbing his hand, and he ran his thumb over the flat scar. It was nothing like his own—lacking the puckered ridges of traumatized flesh from where he’d been cut open and stitched back together. They were echoes of his past. They didn’t define him, but they meant something. A bit like Luca’s little mark, carrying no lingering pain, but he’d always remember where it came from.

When he looked up, he saw something soft in Luca’s eyes—and maybe a little afraid. He moved to pull away, but Luca twisted his hand around and held tight—a sort of desperate action that Wilder wanted to feel and yet didn’t. It was too close to a line he wasn’t sure he wanted to cross right then, no matter how much he wanted the other man.

“Why did you bring me here?” Luca asked after a beat.

Wilder swallowed thickly. It was a loaded question. The answer was simple enough—he’d wanted to make Luca happy, but the why of that statement was so much more complicated. “I like you.”

Luca lowered his eyes, his shoulders moving with a sigh. “Right.”

“I wanted you to smile.” Wilder gave in to his compulsion and cupped his hand around Luca’s neck, brushing the warm skin with the edge of his thumb. “You haven’t had the best few days.”

At that, Luca nodded and let out a small laugh and looked up into Wilder’s eyes. “My time in Savannah has kind of sucked.”

“Yeah,” Wilder said, grinning right back. “And I hate that you came here looking for peace, and all you got was…”

“A busted dick?” Luca offered with a snort. “It’s probably karma.”

Wilder rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help his smile from going impossibly wider and shook Luca gently by the shoulder. “You deserve to have nice things, Luca. Without a cost attached to them.”

Luca licked his lips. “You know, I told myself that earlier. I’ve been trying to tell myself that since I got here. But it’s not always easy.”

Wilder sat down on the bench, then shifted closer and pressed Luca’s hand between both of his own. “It takes time to get there. And I know the feeling of desperation—the need to rush it, because the time between not being okay and being okay feels like an endless void of…”

“Nothing,” Luca finished for him in a whisper. Wilder couldn’t hear the word, but he saw it on his lips, in the movement of his tongue as it briefly pressed between his teeth.

“But this isn’t nothing.” When Luca didn’t look up, Wilder touched his chin with his fingers and drew his gaze until their eyes locked. “I like you,” he said again. This time, it was an offering—one he had told himself not to make, but he couldn’t hold back. He wanted Luca to know the choice was there, that Wilder wanted more, but he was willing to take whatever Luca felt safe giving him. “I like you,” he repeated, willing Luca to understand.

And, after a moment, he did. Luca’s eyes softened, and his nostrils went wide with a heavy breath. “Oh.”

“It doesn’t mean…”

But his words died when Luca shifted as close as he could and reached with his other hand—damp from the water—pressing it to the side of Wilder’s neck. “I know. You’ve been through a lot.”

“Yes. And I’m…I have to take it slow. I haven’t been with anyone since my ex. I haven’t wanted to be…until I met you.”

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