Page 26 of State of Mind

His family loved him—there was no doubt about that. They let him get away with his baby of the family bullshit nearly all of his life, but he was starting to see that the way they enabled him felt like maybe they just didn’t care enough to encourage him otherwise. It was a painful, stark realization to admit that he had no one. Not really. Not the way the people in Savannah did.

Adriano had visited and claimed a piece of that for himself, but Luca didn’t think it took him publicly humiliating himself and getting his dick almost knocked off by a cow. He didn’t know where he’d gone so fucking wrong, but somewhere, the path had diverged, and he’d taken the wrong fork.

“Listen, I’m going to call this in to the pharmacy, and I have a friend who works there, so I’m going to have him run this by the Augustin when it’s done. It’ll be faster that way.”

Luca frowned. “Why?”

“Because, like I just told you, you need to be in bed.” Aksel rose and approached him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Rest will make it better quicker. And next time you head out to Will’s farm, wear a cup.”

“There’s no fucking way I’m going back out there,” Luca grumbled as he reached for the door.

Behind him, Aksel laughed. “Yes, well, that’s what they all say, Mr. Moretti. Safe travels.”

Luca walked out of the room, and most definitely didn’t look back to see the kind of smile Aksel wore on his face.

* * *

Luca appreciated that Wilder didn’t say anything on the drive back to the Augustin, because the last thing in the world he wanted was to answer any questions. He sat in the car a few moments as the engine idled, and then he turned and offered a tense sort of grimace that was meant to be a smile.

“Sorry.”

Wilder’s eyes widened. “Sorry?”

Luca wasn’t sure if he was surprised or trying to understand him, so he raised his hands to sign. ‘Today was not what I expected.’

Wilder’s entire body heaved with a sigh. ‘Please don’t apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. Sometimes life isn’t kind to people.’

‘How many people go through something like this?’ he couldn’t help but wonder.

Wilder’s lips twitched. ‘In my experience, just one. His name is Antoine, and if you stay long enough, I’m sure you’ll meet him.’

And that was the real question, wasn’t it? How long did he plan to stay? How long would he subject himself to this if it was obviously getting him nowhere? He felt like a moron, and he wanted to curl up in bed, sleep until the pain in his dick didn’t make him want to vomit, and then go home. Home wasn’t necessarily good for him, but at least he knew what to expect from the people there. And at least they knew what to expect from him.

‘Don’t give up,’ Wilder signed when he had Luca’s attention again. ‘Please.’

There was a soft pleading in his eyes that Luca found impossible to deny. He licked his lips, then leaned his head back on the headrest and tried not to move his lower half too much. ‘I just need a good night’s sleep.’ And hopefully to wake up without any ball swelling or pissing blood, which still scared the hell out of him.

‘I was going to invite you to the Farmer’s Market this Saturday,’ Wilder signed. ‘Not a good idea now, but there’s another one next weekend. Stay for that, okay? And then if it’s still just a big pile of shit, go home.’

A week. He could do a week. He’d done worse over the course of his life—both before and after he had money. Committing to this city and this man’s pleading smile was easy enough. ‘One week.’

The concession was worth it at the sight of Wilder’s smile. He knew what the warm feeling in his gut was—he was searching for purpose in his life, but he still knew himself, and he knew that in a week he’d be head over heels for the man sitting across from him.

Nothing would come of it. Wilder was kind in ways Luca had never experienced—and when he was harsh and sharp with him, it was only because he wanted Luca to be better. Luca had met people like that before, but he’d avoided them like the plague. He’d never been strong enough to withstand that sort of tough love, but maybe that was his problem all along.

Whatever the case, he’d never be good enough for a man like this, so entertaining the idea would amount to nothing but heartache. Of course, maybe he needed it. Luca had almost gotten anyone and anything he’d ever wanted—and maybe denial would make him a better person.

Maybe that was the lesson here.

He climbed out of the car, then offered Wilder a wave before he made his way inside, and he let out a breath of relief when he saw the front desk at the salon was empty. The stairs were hell on him, and the pain was throbbing all the way up to his gut by the time he got inside, but he managed to collapse on the sofa and cover his face with one of the sofa cushions.

Luca was exhausted from the pain and stress, and he didn’t even realize he’d dropped off until something hard and metal knocked him in the ankle. He sat up with a gasp, then his stomach rolled from the pain, and he gingerly pressed his palm to his crotch as he peered one eye open.

He startled again, though this time he managed to keep his body from jolting when he saw Raphael standing there with his crutches and a paper bag clenched between his teeth. “What…” he started.

Raphael released a crutch handle and set the bag on the coffee table before balancing himself and looking down at Luca with a face full of so much pity, Luca knew his secret was out. “Chaz came by with your meds, but I guess you didn’t hear the knocking.”

Luca groaned and laid back down. “Fuck. I forgot.”

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