Page 15 of State of Mind

Wilder cleared his throat. “So, what are you doing out here besides starving on a bus bench?”

Luca sighed and bit into the cupcake. His eyes went wide with surprise, then he chewed a bit before swallowing. “I don’t know. Booking a plane ticket, I guess.”

Wilder spied his phone on the bench next to him, and he frowned. “Giving up that easy?”

Luca scoffed. “This was a stupid idea. Me coming here,” he said, and took another bite and swallowing before he went on. “Adriano left California and he was fucking miserable. The last time I’d seen him was in a parking garage, and he looked ready to throw himself off the cliffside of our brother’s vineyard. Then he disappears for three months and comes back practically engaged to this baker from some southern belle of a city, and the guy looks like he just spent six weeks in the presence of Jesus.”

Wilder almost choked. “Uh. That’s not what happened.”

“Oh,” Luca said darkly, then picked up the water and took a long drink. “I know. My friends very much enjoyed forwarding me those videos they made. But the fact remains, this place changed him.”

“And that’s important to you?” Wilder asked gently.

Luca balled up the wrapper, then shoved it into the pocket of his vest. “I fucking want that. I want…God, I want whatever this is to mean something.”

“That’s very vague,” Wilder pointed out, and Luca scowled so deeply, Wilder held up his hands in surrender. “I just mean, that is not a goal. Finding something that means something sounds like words on a Dove chocolate wrapper.”

Luca’s cheeks went faintly pink. “I want to be happy.”

“That’s…closer,” Wilder said, and he tried for a smile. His pity was only growing for this poor man—someone who probably had at least five years on him, but no depth at all. He had a feeling though, that all of Luca’s shallow soul was entirely for lack of trying. “What do you want to make you happy? Good sex?”

“That’s not what Adriano and Noah have,” Luca said, then flushed. “I mean…well, that’s not all they have. I didn’t ask about their sex, obviously. But you should see the way Adriano looks at him.”

“I have,” Wilder said gently. “It’s gorgeous.”

“People have that here.” Luca gestured across the street to the Tavern which was quiet on that late afternoon, hours before the dinner rush. “I want to know how.”

“I don’t think it’s Savannah,” Wilder said. “I mean, maybe it is, a little. But it’s also them.”

Luca bit his lip, then stared down at his hands. “And that’s why I should take off. Believe me when I say I’m not the sort of person who is going to get a happy ending like that.”

The words made Wilder’s gut twist uncomfortably. He was bitter—understandably so—and he was jaded. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to trust anyone else to fall in love, but he liked to believe that most people deserved happiness. And most people deserved to be loved. “You might be too hard on yourself.”

Luca scoffed quietly. “I mean, I already fucked up. I humiliated myself at the Manor by falling down the stairs, and I’m pretty sure Raphael only invited me out that night so he and his friends could make fun of me…”

“That doesn’t sound like him,” Wilder said with a frown.

Luca shrugged. “Why else would he?”

“Because he’s nice?” Wilder laughed when Luca looked so confused by the concept. “He really is a nice guy. He probably felt sorry for you.”

“God,” Luca said, dropping his face into his hands. “That’s even worse. Why can’t this be like the movies, you know? Like I rent some place in the middle of nowhere, I do some farming shit, things start to make sense. I start to make sense…”

Wilder reached out and gently touched his arm. “Life isn’t the movies, and you’re not in the middle of nowhere.”

“I know, but…”

Wilder paused, holding back a slight laugh at the thought running through his head, and he waited for Luca to look at him. “If you really want to try and find yourself on a farm, I might be able to help with that.”

Luca froze. “How?”

“I know a guy. He’s got some animals—it’s nothing big. You won’t be roping cattle or anything. I mean, it’s Savannah, not the wilds of Montana.” Wilder’s lips twitched again. “But maybe it’ll help?”

Luca chewed on his lower lip, then sighed. “Okay. Right now, or…?”

Wilder laughed. “I have work. I don’t close up until six, but how about tomorrow? I’m closed on Thursdays for Market prep, but most of my stuff is already done so I could spare a few hours in the morning.”

Luca nodded, looking suddenly bright and elated. Wilder almost felt bad because he knew that spending half a day at Will’s farm was only going to prove that his indie film bullshit idea of finding himself in the dirt under his nails was only going to break his heart, but Wilder knew he had to do it. Luca seemed like the kind of person who needed to learn lessons the hard way, and Wilder had never shied away from that.

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