Page 103 of Fling

‘Take your time before signing the agreement. Make sure it’s really what you want. I know it might feel like you hate him right now, but love and hate are two sides of the same coin,’ Dr Burke said, touching her shoulder.

‘Thank you, Dr Burke, but sadly, I think our story has come to an end.’

Chapter 35

As she left the building and walked towards her car, Tara realized that this was it. Separation may not be as final as divorce but it was a means to an end; her marriage was essentially over. It would only take two signatures to solidify everything. She felt a sudden pang of loneliness come over her. Was she doing the right thing? Was Colin’s lapse in judgement forgivable? Why was she still holding on to false hope for Jack? He still hadn’t texted her back, and she found herself checking the app to see if her knight in shining armour would appear.

She wanted Jack to save her, the way only he could.

If it had been Jack who punched Dick Mulligan, she would have been his forever, there and then. And maybe if Colin hadn’t already cheated on her, she would have felt the same for Colin. But she was still so hurt by his betrayal. She tried to remind herself that she was unhappy long before Colin punched Dick. That was the final domino to fall, not the first. But even after she had got what she wanted in the separation agreement, she felt no sense of victory, only defeat.

When she got to the car park, she could see Colin about to get onto his motorcycle, seemingly now his main mode of transport. Her whacks with the golf club obviously weren’t hard enough.

‘Not even a goodbye?’ she said.

‘You’re the one who wants to say goodbye, not me,’ Colin said, turning around to face her.

There was a silence between Tara and Colin, the likes of which they had never experienced before. It was a mournful moment of silence for their love. Tara began to feel as if she had made a terrible mistake. She didn’t know how she would get through this heartbreak alone.

‘You know, I really thought we were gonna make it, you and me,’ Colin said, trying to hold himself together.

‘So did I.’

‘So much for forever and always.’

Tara didn’t know what to say. She was breaking. ‘Maybe stars that burn the brightest . . . shine for half as long,’ she finally said.

Colin didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She stood there, desperately wanting to dress the wounds she had given him. But she was wounded too. She had to stitch up her own heart before she bled out.

‘If you could do it all again, would you still get on the back of my bike?’ Colin asked her.

Her eyes were heavy. It was an impossible question. She didn’t regret getting on that bike, but it had led her to this moment in time, a moment of heartbreak and despair. ‘I don’t know how to answer that,’ she said at last.

Colin looked devastated by her answer. ‘Of all the pubs, in all the towns, in all of Ireland, I had to walk into yours,’ he said, trying to hold back the tears.

A tear ran down Tara’s cheek, even as she did everything to maintain her composure. She felt the emptiness in her chest return, a void she feared would consume her this time. It had only just hit her now that this was the end. She was fighting the tears with every ounce of her being, desperately trying to prevent the dam from breaking.

‘Before you sign the separation agreement, take a look in the shed. I left something for you to remember me by,’ he said.

Colin gave her one last bittersweet smile as he put on his helmet and started the bike’s engine. As she watched him ride off into the sunset, she completely broke down. Ten minutes ago there was no doubt in her mind that she was making the right decision, and now she was questioning everything. She started her car and prayed the tears wouldn’t blind her on the drive home.

When she finally arrived back to Hillcrest, Tara felt the cold, empty house mocking her, the walls whispering of her failures. Tara suddenly realized that this was the first time in her life she was truly alone. The gravity of the situation was crushing her and the isolation threatened to drag her into the depths of melancholia. She felt as if her life had lost all meaning, as every strand of her complicated belief system had been proven wrong.

She had wanted it all. To be married to the man she loved, in the house of their dreams with a beautiful baby and a thriving career. Now, she had nothing. No marriage, no children, a derailed career and a home soon to be sold. She realized it was her match with Jack that had set off the series of events that led to her ruination. She had downloaded Fling and just a few short weeks later, she had lost everything. The synchronicity that always acted as her spiritual compass had seemingly led her to her doom.

Was this cosmic cruelty the destiny she deserved?

No, there had to be something more to it. It couldn’t all just be random. If it was, then what was the point of anything? She had to believe there was some deeper meaning to all the chaos. Now, more than ever, she needed to have faith in fate.

She opened Fling and saw all of the messages she had sent to Jack that he had not responded to.

Ghosted. Exactly what she deserved.

She felt a little embarrassed about him ignoring her, but then she saw that he had not been online in two weeks. Maybe he wasn’t ignoring her, per se. Perhaps he just hadn’t opened the app. Or even deleted it. But his profile was still there, which meant there was a chance. A slim chance but a chance nonetheless. It was Saturday evening and she had tomorrow free.

She had to try one last time. If she didn’t, she would always wonder what if? She would forever wonder why her life had played out this way. She decided to throw herself to the mercy of the universe. After all, what had she left to lose? If it was meant to be, it would surely be.

Destiny would decide.

---