Page 97 of Touch in the Dark

As we're nearing New York, Jenna and Brooke have gone off to chat about something or other and Meg is sleeping. Adam comes and sits opposite me, his long legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, eyes assessing me.

“So, Nick, Arch and I met up yesterday.”

“That’s nice,” I say, a little guarded.

“He filled me in on everything that’s going on. With this asshole who may be his dad. He said you know him.”

“I do.”

“What’s he like? Is he gonna be a prick because this is a big deal for Nick. He doesn’t talk about it much, but we all know it’s something that’s always been there, and that he is affected by it, whether he wants to admit it or not. If this guy fucks him up,” he doesn’t finish, but the threat to Derrick’s wellbeing is implied.

I don’t doubt it either. I’m not sure what the band will do but they look out for one another, always will. Adam never passed any comment or judgement against me when Nick and I fell apart the first time. I only know he told Jenna it was Nick’s business, not his.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been around him,” I say about Derrick. “But he always seemed like a good guy. His family mattered a lot to him. That wasn’t as true as I thought.”

“Yeah,” Adam sighs. “I can’t speak for Nick, and I wouldn’t ever tell him what to do, but I think he should leave it alone. A guy who could do that to his own kid, doesn’t deserve to know him. I get it though, if it’s what Nick needs to do, we’ll all support him.”

He looks at me, I’m not sure what he wants me to say but I’m not going to explain myself to him, or anyone else. When it comes to how I feel about Nick, or what he wants to do, I don’t need to justify that I will support him too, no matter what.

“If he needs me,” I say. “I’m there.”

“Yeah?”

“All in.”

“Okay then,” he nods.

I could be offended but it’s because he cares about Nick. I smile at him because that makes me happy too. Eventually, he grins back. Then he gets us both a whiskey from the flight attendant and we talk about how he’s doing a lot of writing for another couple of artists. I’ve always been intrigued by other people’s creative process and although he’ll never let me witness it, he’s happy enough to talk about it. When it comes to music, this guy lives and breathes it. I notice Jenna watching us with a smile on her face. Aidan Gass is a tough nut to crack, but Adam Mathews, is a pretty nice guy. And I feel as if I’ve fully entered the circle. It’s a hell of a place to be.

Chapter Twenty-Four

“Is this really a good idea?” Archer asks me from the passenger seat.

I shrug, looking through the windshield.

I would have gone to his house if I had the address yet but I’m still waiting on hearing from the PI. Everyone else went back to New York yesterday but Archer stayed. He’s been catching up with people while he’s here and, despite wanting a break, he’s been writing some lyrics while he’s been home alone, even showed me some of them. I surprised the shit out of him when I went around last night and showed him some chords I’ve been working on. I don’t usually get involved in solo writing of our music, it’s normally a joint effort once Adam and Arch have produced lyrics and a melody. He made me play it for him and we started working his lyrics over my chords. It was starting to come together as a pretty good song, and Archer is excited about it. It’s clear he is in no way disillusioned with the band, it’s burnout, pure and simple.

We may have all gone our own ways over this break but we’re in constant touch with each other. Jordan is in Vegas but said if we’re still here tomorrow he’ll drive over for one last night in L.A. I do want to get back to New York. Never thought I’d say that.

It’s not just about getting back to Doris though. I didn’t think I’d feel like this either, but I miss Elsa. We’ve spoken on the phone a few times, but I don’t want to bombard her. It pleased me no fucking end that on at least a couple of occasions she has instigated text conversations.

I’ve been getting antsy over the whole thing with Atwater though. I still don’t know how I want to play it once I get all the information from the PI. Elsa keeps saying if I’ve started it, I should finish, no matter if I’m scared. Facing that fear is the only way I will be able to move on. I know that means about more than just meeting my father. It’s about us. Relationships and how I deal with them.

Truth is, Elsa is what I want. It might have happened fast but there is no doubt in my mind I’m falling. I’ve never told anyone I love them, except family. I’m not sure I’m ready to even say it to myself, let alone her, but it’s there. I have this weird, shitty feeling in my stomach now that she’s gone. I miss her. Shit, am I going to become like Adam?

Fuck, if we do work this out and she comes back here, and I’m in NYC, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I will never hurt her or go after anyone else when I’m not with her, but I’m sure she will have some trust issues. I want her to know she doesn’t need to doubt me, or what I feel for her.

“How long are we gonna sit here?” Archer takes a big gulp of the coffee I got him before we parked up on the street. “He may not even come here.”

Archer is with me outside of Atwater Media and Marketing’s downtown office. It’s one of the huge, glass skyscrapers in the L.A. business district, the building is owned by Atwater.

“Yeah, I know,” I run a hand down my face. With everything going on, sleep is eluding me. I’m tired.

“You okay, man?” Archer asks.

“My, how the tables have turned,” I comment with a half-smile.

“Like you said, we’re family. You deal with my shit, I deal with yours.”

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