Page 89 of Touch in the Dark

“Are you serious?” I breathe out.

He looks at me, confused by the expression on my face.

“She accidentally got into the car with you, and once you realised she was there, you dropped her off and you went home.”

“Uh, yeah,” he rubs his chin. “You’re pissed?”

“Pissed?” I push up and get to my feet. “Are you serious right now? You let me believe you cheated on me, and that was what happened? You didn’t pick her up, have second thoughts and send her home? It was a stupid…” I wave my hands around trying to think of a word. “BreakNeck thing?” Is what I come out with.

Nick is staring up at me. “A BreakNeck thing,” he repeats.

“Yes,” I brush my hair off my face and look away from him. “It’s just so… ridiculous.”

Nick gets up behind me and I turn to face him. He’s just standing there, with no idea what to do or even say.

“Months of heartbreak, and crying and hating you and it was… all for nothing?”

“Fuck,” he runs a hand through his hair. “Elsa, I deserve whatever you’re going to say to me, whatever you want. If you want me to take you back to L.A. right now, I will. Or if you want to take the car and leave me here, then…” he fidgets then shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Just, give me a minute,” I say and turn away.

“Elsa.”

“A minute,” I hold a finger up then walk to the water’s edge.

My first instinct is to do what he said, grab the keys, run up the steps and drive away leaving him down here. I wouldn’t do that. But I’m angry. I genuinely was heartbroken over him. I squeeze my eyes closed and drop my head. This is horrible and stupid, and I feel like an idiot, then I think about what he said before all of that. How he feels about himself. He never tried to ask for forgiveness or explain what happened because he figured we wouldn’t last anyway, that he would eventually fuck things up.

And his dad. He lost his mom and he’s terrified of losing Doris. He’s never stayed with anyone or had a real relationship because of this. I don’t know whether to be irritated or sad for him. He is taking steps to try and right at least some of it, by explaining things to me. Not just about that night, but about who he is, why he is the way he is. And he’s already made it clear he’s doing this to prove he’s worth another chance. That was what he said when he left Remi’s house the other day.

He wants to find his father to try and get some sort of closure, or clarification, to figure out why his dad left them. Maybe to convince himself that it was never about him, but all about his dad and his problems. I turn and glance over my shoulder. Nick is watching me. He’s standing by the blanket, his hands in his pockets. That floppy hair blowing in the wind and his eyes, even from this distance are so hypnotizing.

There is no doubt in my mind about how Nick makes my body react. Just looking at me, with all this space between us has me mesmerized. Or dickmatized as Jordan so aptly names it.

No, that isn’t right. It was never about his dick. Although that is always a bonus and the sex the other night was other worldly. Even if Brooke tells me not to let that cloud my thinking. I can’t help it. We’re compatible that way, definitely. And over the past few weeks, talking to him again, being around him, I can feel that pull. I turn back to the water. I don’t know what I want.

More like I know what I want but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.

“Els.”

I jump at his voice so near to me. When I turn, he is a breath away from me. I look up at him and I’m a god damn goner.

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You are,” I agree, trying to hold on to the anger.

He puts a hand on my hip. “And I seriously need to work on my communication skills.”

“One hundred percent.” He smells really good. His skin is warm from the sun too, where his arm is pressing against mine.

Nick steps closer, his head lowering slightly so his forehead is close to the bridge of my nose.

“The whole learning to trust people thing too. To know they’re not all out to hurt me, which then means I don’t need to hurt them first.”

“That would be helpful… For, making things better. For… future relationships.”

“Future relationships?” he runs the tip of his nose against mine, as one of his hands goes around and presses gently at the small of my back. “With other people,” he says in a low growl as his lips tease the edge of my mouth. “Or you?”

Can anyone say speechless? He nudges my lower lip and sucks it between his. Standing might have become a problem if he didn’t have an arm around me. Am I really going to let it go this easily? Am I going to let him just kiss me like this…

---