Page 78 of Touch in the Dark

“What exactly is it that you want in a man? You seem like you’re at a point in your life where casual isn’t going to do it for you, so what are you looking for?”

All eyes turn to me. I stare at Brooke for a moment, then down at my hands. She’s right, both of them are complicated, but there is also only one of them still around at this point. And he is the most complicated of all. Whoever said love isn’t easy sure knew what they were talking about. Wait… Love?

“Come on, you must know what you want,” Brooke prods.

“I want someone who will treat me like an equal, someone who isn’t afraid to be all in. Someone I can trust,” I add. “A friend, a lover.”

“If you say soulmate, I’ll vomit,” Brooke gets up and grabs the champagne bottle to top off her glass, she goes around and refills everyone else’s too even if they’re not even half empty. “What has changed, other than a night of wild sex, to make you believe Nick can give you those things.”

“Nothing,” I say quietly. “Well, not nothing.” Everyone is looking at me. I haven’t had anywhere near enough alcohol for this. I take a healthy swig of the champagne, noting it’s the expensive stuff. “It’s hard to explain. And you’re all probably going to think I’m nuts.”

“No, we won’t,” Jenna draws her legs up and rests her champagne flute on her knee. “Ignore Brooke."

"Thanks, I'm so glad I came."

“You’re being negative.”

“You have to look at a problem from all sides, Jenna. We have you, with your love hearts for eyes, Megan here who is sensible and cautious but in a happy relationship. And me, who gets bent over her desk every now and then and doesn’t have to say so much as, thank you very much, when it’s done.”

Everyone is laughing by the time she finishes. All eyes are back on me again. I don’t know how to put it into words. How do you explain a feeling?

“When he told me he was going to make me believe he’s worthy of another chance,” I say, looking into my glass. “There was something more behind the words. He was different that last day. It wasn’t like after his grandma’s accident. He was scared and frantic when she was taken to hospital which was totally understandable. I know she is fine, thank God, but there was something… broken about him that day, at the commercial shoot. He was his usual self to most people, but I could see beyond that. Like there was something heavy on his mind.

“I think behind the smiles and easy-going persona, Nick has a lot of unresolved issues. I basically told him until he deals with them, he won’t be able to admit his problems with having a long-term relationship to anyone, let alone himself,” I glance up and see Jenna staring intently at me. “It was strange, but,” I add. “The last time we spoke, before he left, it was as if he had come to a decision, and he wants to figure that out. What he said to me felt like a promise.”

Jenna is nodding her head at me. I get the feeling she knows more than she is letting on, but I don’t call her on it. Not in front of Brooke and Meg. They’re both quiet though, thinking over what I said.

A phone on the wall starts to ring, breaking everyone out of the silence. I duck my head, feeling embarrassed about how open I’d been. I hadn’t really said anything about allowing myself to fall for him again, but it was probably obvious. Jenna hurries to answer the phone. I presume she has ordered food, and this is the delivery.

“You okay?” Meg asks as Brooke helps herself to more champagne.

“I think so.”

“I understand,” she says. “Relationships aren’t easy, I know that better than most,” she smiles gently.

How she can compare what she lived through with her abusive ex, a man she had to kill to save her and Jenna from being seriously hurt, and what I’m going through, is unfathomable.

“One thing I’ve learnt is, love isn’t enough. You can’t love someone enough to make them change. They have to do that themselves and if they can’t, then you move on to someone who can. Joey showed me that. I don’t know him that well, but Nick seems like a good man. If he can face these issues he has and come out the other side, I think he’d be perfect for you. But you can’t settle, Elsa.”

“I won’t,” I say, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze.

“I’ll be right back,” Jenna says with a huge grin and hurries out of the room.

“What is she up to now?” I ask.

“If I didn’t know her better, I’d say she’d hired us some strippers.”

We all laugh at that.

“Elsa! You have some explaining to do.”

I whirl around in surprise. I can’t fight the grin that spreads across my face and thrust the glass at Meg, who manages to grab it as I jump up and over the back of the sofa, like an Olympic hurdler. I run straight into the arms of my best friend. Who absolutely should not be in L.A. right now.

“What are you doing here?” I ask in shock then kiss his stubbled cheek. I run my eyes over his unkempt hair and the circles under his eyes.

“Don’t ask questions right now,” Remi whispers, just for me. “We’ll talk later. I need a drink,” he says loudly. “And a shower, and a girl’s night out, in that order,” Remi laughs as he carries me to the sofa.

“You’ve come to the right place,” Brooke says, indicating the bottle of champagne, not in the least bit phased by an A list actor walking into our little group.

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