Page 44 of Touch in the Dark

“And maybe I’d know that and be able to see how bad he was if I got to learn about who he is myself. I’ve never been given that chance.”

“What if…” she worries her hands again, her brows bunching together.

“If what?” I press. “You tell me right here, right now, if he was a monster who did something awful. You don’t need to explain, just tell me that was what it was, and I’ll drop this.”

Doris blows out a breath and sits back down. She stares at the wall so long I think I’ll need to prompt her again, but she speaks without me having to.

“Nothing like that happened. If he raised a hand to her, I’d have beat him black and blue myself. No, it was nothing like that. He just took advantage of her, he broke her heart, and abandoned her. And you,” she looks up at me, her eyes swimming a little.

It breaks my heart to think I’ve upset her. If I’d known it would hurt her like this, I wouldn’t have asked. A part of me still hopes she is going to help me, give me something to go on. Even if it is just a name. I appreciate she doesn’t like the man who fathered me, doesn’t think he should have any of my time, but I’ve done a lot of thinking the last couple of weeks and decided it’s time I did know who he is.

“I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry,” I sit beside her and take her hand. “Forget I asked.”

She nods then gets up to clear away our drinks. I go and stand by the window overlooking the river. She has an amazing view, it’s a great little apartment with good neighbours and friends close by for her. I feel like a shit for upsetting her.

“Okay,” she comes back into the room, a smile on her face. “It’s been lovely having you visit, do you want to stay and watch a movie?”

So, we’re pretending I never asked. Okay then.

Seeing this reaction out of Doris has only strengthened my resolve. I want to know who my father is. It’s time to find him.

“Sure Gram,” I say, hating myself for lying to her.

Heading over to her DVD cupboard, I glance back at her as she takes her usual seat, getting herself comfortable, not able to make eye contact with me.

I force a smile. “Is it your turn to pick, or mine?”

Chapter Eleven

Two days after my night out with Joel, and Remi’s phone call, I’m called into a meeting with one of the executive assistants I’ve seen around the set. I’ve been feeling down enough as it is, worried about Remi, who hasn’t answered a call since, and Joel and I have only managed to fleetingly see each other as we’ve both been on set at different times and busy when we are.

I get to my feet, the shock rippling through me after she tells me why she wanted to meet me.

“You’re firing me?” I stand ramrod straight and look at the woman at the table in front of me.

“I’m sorry but we over hired and unfortunately, we need to cut costs where we can. You’re just not as experienced as the other makeup artists.”

My eyes narrow at her. She can barely meet my eye. We both know this is bullshit. And I’m pretty sure I know the real reason why I am getting canned from this stupid movie. I just passed it on my way in here, because of course, she would want to see my shame, she’d want to witness this to make herself feel good. Because Holly Ashton is jealous. So insecure and jealous that getting an innocent person fired from a job means nothing to her. I haven’t even spoken to the woman. I haven’t done anything to give her cause to do this to me. But I don’t matter, too low on the totem pole to have any consideration thought about me.

“We will pay you for your work so far, plus two weeks extra to ensure you have time to get another job elsewhere.”

“Oh, please, don’t do me any favours,” I huff out.

The woman looks up at me, briefly meeting my eye, having the good grace to look just a little bit guilty about what she is doing. A part of me knows this isn’t really her fault. She is only doing what she is told. But all the same, that silly saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ was penned for a reason.

“I’m sorry,” she adds.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say through clenched teeth.

I’ve never been fired from anything in my life. And I am so angry that it has happened on this stupid movie set. I’d never really relaxed here, not like I did on the earlier movie, but it is a job and I see my jobs through. I kind of just stand there, staring at the woman, totally unsure what to do. She gets up and hands me some paperwork. I barely get chance to look at it before she scurries out of the door, desperate to get away from me before I have the opportunity to say anything else.

Any anger and irritation I felt crumbles out of me as I look down at the papers, I see some figures, the severance they’re paying me, I guess. I’m almost tempted to leave it on the table with a big FU drawn on it in lip liner, but I won’t waste good products on these people.

I leave the room, glad to find there is no one around, at least that skank, Holly has cleared out, probably knows the job is done. I keep an eye out for her though, not sure I’d actually say anything, but I could give her a long, hard, steely look. Get a grip, Elsa, I think to myself as I head back down to the lobby so I can go back to the trailer where my equipment is. I guess when a security guard starts following me that I need to get packed up and out of their precious movie set quickly.

I feel like a fucking criminal as he watches me packing all my belongings into my makeup bags. I’ve been leaving them in the trailer, so there are a lot of them, and Reggie isn’t here today, thank God. I would have hated her to see what just happened. I feel so embarrassed as I struggle, and the guard has to help me get the bags down the steps. He doesn’t speak though. I stop and dash out a quick text to Thomas to ask if he can collect me earlier than planned. The security guard glares at me.

“I’m calling my ride,” I snap at him. He doesn’t answer, just shrugs one shoulder. “I have it from here, thank you.”

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