Page 107 of Touch in the Dark

“You came looking for me,” he says.

“Yeah, and then I found out what a limp dicked, pathetic excuse for an asshole you are and decided I want nothing to do with you.”

I don’t know how he found out. Probably that investigator guy Alexis told me about. If she found out about him, he must have found out about her. It’s taken him over a week to bother his ass to come out here though, so it either took him that long to figure it out, or Atwater was busy with something else before he headed to New York.

“I know approaching you like this isn’t the best way to do this.”

“You think?”

“But I wanted to make sure you would speak to me.”

He looks older than he did in the photographs I saw on the internet. He looks fucking exhausted. I hope I had something to do with that. I hope once he found out I showed up asking about him, he’s barely slept. Like I have barely slept.

“I’m going to have to disappoint you then, because I want nothing to do with you.”

His face falls and for a second I feel bad, then I remember who this is, what he did to my mom and my fists clench.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Nick, you don’t know how much.”

“Don’t call me Nick,” I shake my head at him. “You don’t get to call me anything.”

Atwater holds his hands up in a gesture that says he is trying to placate me. Or Virtanen, who still looks like he wants to lunge for me.

“There must have been a reason for you to try and find me. There must have been something you wanted to say.”

“Yeah, there was. But that was when I thought you didn’t know anything about me, when I thought you couldn’t have known what me and my mother were going through. Or that she got sick, really sick. That it almost broke my grandma to pay her medical bills. And maybe you had no idea how she died. In pain. Terrified about what would happen to her fifteen-year-old kid.” I don’t realise I am shouting until I hear the cold voice behind me break the stunned silence.

“Get the fuck out of here now, old man,” I turn to see Archer behind me.

He’s just stepped out of the elevator. At the same time the door opens behind Christopher and Stone steps in. He’s twice the size of Virtanen. He doesn’t have a gun, but I’d still put my money on Stone. Christopher must have called up to Arch, who in turn called Stone.

“You are both trespassing. I will ask you once, politely, to step out of the building,” Stone speaks quietly but his tone is kinda terrifying.

Archer steps up beside me, he doesn’t ask if I’m okay, he doesn’t touch me or placate me, just stands firmly at my side.

“I just want to talk to my son.”

“I’m not your son,” I shout. “You mean nothing to me, do you hear me?” I tell him, my voice lower. I don’t want to make a scene, but I need him to understand, this isn’t happening. Ever.

I take one step closer to him. Virtanen moves, but so do Archer and Stone. It’s like everyone is closing in around me. Everyone poised, but no one knowing what is going to happen. I speak in a low voice, but I know everyone hears me.

“I’m going to do to you, exactly what you did to her. Forget you fucking exist.”

I turn and head to the elevator, luckily the carriage is still there. I step in and look at Arch. He’s made no move to follow, in fact, he’s blocking them from getting to me, his arms folded over his chest. I glance at Stone as the doors start to slide. He nods at me. I turn away so I don’t look at Atwater. I don’t want to see the sadness on his face, the resignation in his eyes. I don’t want to know how he feels after I threw those words in his face.

“Fuck,” I lean back against the wall and run both hands up my face, holding them over my eyes. The elevator dings and I lean over quickly and press the button for our floor. The last thing I need is the doors opening in the lobby again. I stand with my hands on my head, staring at nothing.

I can’t believe he showed up here, wanting to talk to me.

I spin around and kick the wall, then kick it twice more. The metal dents in and I step back into the centre of the elevator, panting heavily. Fuck I’m gonna puke. I manage to make it out to the hallway, through the front door and into the guest bathroom before my guts spill out of me. I heave up everything I ate earlier with Alessa, and then some more, until my stomach is clenching painfully, and my eyes are watering as I purge everything.

I stand up, my hands on the wall behind the toilet and spit a few times, the taste and smell of vomit making me want to hurl again. I flush and go to the sink, turning on the tap and cupping some water in my hands. I swill my mouth, then swallow some water. Putting my hands on either side of the sink I lean forward, my head dropping down.

I can’t figure out the emotions swirling around inside me at seeing him. He seemed small, frail. Is he sick? That thought enters and leaves my head quickly, what do I care if he is? I’ll forever be grateful to Arch and Stone for what they just did but right now, I don’t want to see or speak to anybody. I head to my room, quickly use some mouthwash to clean out my mouth, then grab a cap and scarf, check I have my keys, wallet and phone and leave the apartment again. Archer isn’t back yet so presumably he’s talking with Stone, or making sure Atwater gets the hell away.

Not wanting to meet anyone on the way out, I take the service elevator by the emergency staircase exit. It brings me out into the parking garage in the basement. Passing Archer’s car, I realised I should have grabbed the keys, he wouldn’t mind but I don’t stop to worry about that, just head out onto the street at the rear of my building.

Everyone will go ballistic at me for doing this, walking out into the streets of New York without security, a car, or any idea where I’m even going. I pull the cap down over my hair and wrap the scarf around me. The streets are busy with last minute Christmas shoppers and tourists but they’re all so busy going about their own business, no one pays any attention to me. It’ll only be a matter of time before someone does recognise me though. I’m taking a stupid risk.

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