Page 100 of Touch in the Dark

The more I pace, the more pissed I get. He knew she was sick, he knew she was dying, and I was left with my grandmother when I was fifteen years old. The fucking bastard. I’m beginning to realise why Doris hates him. Did she know he was keeping tabs on me? God, another thought comes to me.

“Do you know if my grandmother ever approached him? When my mother was ill?” I ask.

“It is all in the report but yes. Your grandmother did reach out to him.”

“And he ignored her,” I say. It’s not really a question because I already know the answer. Alexis reads that on my face and gives me a short nod.

“He was originally sending money to your mom, child support and to assist her,” Alexis shocks me again. “It stopped after a while, but I think that was more to do with your mom refusing his money, than him not wanting to give it to her,” Alexis adds, her voice a little softer.

I feel an immense amount of love and pride for my mom right now. We didn’t need his money. Might it have come in handy when I was a kid? Probably. Would it have helped her not to have to work so much? Definitely. But she refused to take anything from him. If he didn’t want to love us, then why should she accept money from him. I close my eyes and turn away from them. I’m missing my mom more than I have in a long time right now. And feeling so incredibly guilty about going behind Doris’s back about this. I wish she’d told me the truth. I might not have gone down this road if I knew.

I don’t really notice but Archer has taken over, thanking Alexis and saying if we need anything else, we’ll be in touch. She leaves and as rude as it is, I don’t even acknowledge her. When Arch comes back, he has two glasses of whiskey. I down mine in one go. He hands me his.

“What do you need?” Archer asks.

Who the fuck knows. My head is all messed up by this. I feel the flash drive burning in my pocket and suddenly don’t want anything to do with it. I snatch it out and hand it to Archer.

“Burn it, drop it in the waste disposal, I don’t care. I don’t want to know any of it.”

“You sure?” he asks.

“Yeah, fuck him.”

Archer nods and takes the drive. He puts it in his pocket and gets us both another drink. He stays with me, watching over me as I sit in silence, hating everything that man put my mom through. He tries to make me stay when I get up to leave. I know he’s concerned but he doesn’t force me to stay. I need to be alone.

When I get home to my huge empty house, it’s so quiet it’s jarring. There isn’t a single sound here and suddenly I don’t like it. I don’t like the silence, the feeling of complete and utter emptiness here.

I take out my phone. I flick through the contacts. I pause on her name. She is the only person I want to talk to right now. I hit dial, it only rings a couple of times.

“Hey,” Elsa answers. “Everything alright?”

“Not really,” I say, dropping down on the sofa.

“Where are you?” she asks, concern clear in her voice.

I tell her I’m home. Then I tell her everything Alexis just told me. Before I finish talking, I’m wiping tears off my face. I haven’t made a sound while crying, Elsa doesn’t need to know about that. It’s only a few tears and they’re for my mom and my mom alone.

“Get on a plane,” Elsa says softly. “Get your things, get your assistant or whoever to get the plane sorted and come back to New York. Right now, Nick.”

“Yeah… Okay.”

“I’ll be here.”

And those are the sweetest words I’ve heard in a very long time.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Just as I promised, I’m waiting at the airport when the BreakNeck jet arrives. I took over after I ended the call with Nick, not sure he was in the right state of mind to handle anything. I called Archer. He agreed with me that he couldn’t stay in L.A. and arranged everything, telling me he was regretting letting him go home alone. Arch hands him over to me when we leave the airport, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and asking for a promise I’ll take care of him.

“I’m not a baby,” Nick tries to laugh it off, but Archer just pats his shoulder. Nick nods back at him.

Thomas brings us to Remi’s place. We don’t speak much but I hold his hand the whole way. I’m so gutted for him. It’s obvious he’s heartbroken. He’s as stoic as ever, not letting anyone see how this has affected him. To strangers, he’d get away with that, but not to me, and definitely not to Archer. I’m sure Archer will have been on the phone to Adam and Jordan as soon as we were out of sight.

I settle Nick on the sofa and make us both some cocoa, then grab a blanket and curl up next to him. He wraps an arm around me but still doesn’t talk. I’ll wait until he’s ready. I’ll wait forever if that is what it takes. Nothing that happened between us in the past matters to me anymore. I’ve made my peace with his ridiculous decision to let me go. I know why now and even though it hurt and irritated me, seeing him like this just cements that I made the right decision. He may come across as laid back and the ‘go along to get along’ kind of guy, but Nick Chambers is way more complex than that.

“I need to tell Doris,” he says after an hour of silence.

“You don’t have to do it right now,” I say, my cheek against his chest. He rests his head on the top of mine. He hasn’t touched the cocoa, but that is okay, I’ve not drank much of mine. It was something my oldest sister always did for us when we were sad and it felt right, comfortable. I know he appreciated it, even if he didn’t drink it.

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