Page 39 of Touch in the Dark

“Yeah, so why’d you answer?”

“Because I’m up.”

“And why are you up, young lady?”

I chuckle and fill him in on what is going on. He tells me he is proud of me, but I am still holding back, and I need to do better.

“Seriously, why are you calling at this hour, Rem?”

“I did something, a smidge stupid… Or maybe a little more than stupid.”

“What?”

The line is quiet until I prompt him. “I fucked the director.”

“What?” I sit up in the bed. “When?

“Just now. He just left. I’m so stupid. Els, I’m an idiot. I’ve had the biggest crush on him for ages and we’ve been hanging out. He knows I’m gay and I know he’s straight as fuck, so we’ve just been getting to know each other as friends and co-workers. He’s funny, smart, gorgeous. Shit, I mean like superhot and Jesus, his cock is huge.”

“Keep it clean mister,” I interrupt.

“As if, it’s nothing you haven’t heard before,” he says, then he groans. “I’m stupid.”

“What is the problem, if you both wanted it.”

“Because afterwards he freaked out. I mean, we were flirting, having fun, he kissed me first. Things moved a little fast and before I knew it, I had his dick in my mouth. He was really into it. You know I’d never force a straight guy to do something he didn’t want to. It’s like the worst thing ever, falling for a straight guy.”

“You fell for him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s probably just attraction and good sex.”

“You sexed him?”

Remi laughs loudly at my choice of words. “Yeah, I sexed him. He wanted to know what it felt like, he said he really wanted it. I knew it was stupid, I should have left it at blowing him. Fuck, Elsa, how am I gonna work with him, there are over three months left on this shoot. It’s gonna be so awkward.”

I can just imagine him pacing, Remi isn’t dramatic, but this has upset him. I don’t really know what advice to give him. It’s not as if I have an outstanding track record with sexual partners of late.

“I mean, maybe he just needs to get his head around it, like it’s a pretty big thing, having sex with anyone new, but with a guy… when you’re straight…” I trail off.

“He enjoyed it, I know he did. I think once he came from me fucking him it hit him, he’d done something he shouldn’t. He got angry embarrassed, told me if I tell anyone, he’ll ruin me.”

“What?” I shout. “The fucking asshole. How dare he say something like that.”

“He won’t do that, he just freaked. I just needed to talk to someone, sorry to unload this on you, sweetheart.”

“I’m here whenever you need me, Rem, you know that. I’m just not sure what advice to give you. Pretend it never happened?”

“I know from experience how this goes. He’ll hate himself and therefore hate me. Whatever friendship we had before is gone. He’ll act weird around me, people will question why, speculate and it’ll ruin his life.”

“Don’t go letting your imagination take over. That won’t happen.”

“Yeah, well…” he trails off. “Maybe you have the right idea,” he says quietly. “You’re better off not having sex with anyone. Or you and I should just live together without the sex.”

“Remi, that is so sad, we are not doing that. At least, not until we’re fifty and still have no one. You have to move on. If you think he is going to behave that way, then you be the bigger person. If he refuses to talk about it, then let him be. He needs to work it out in his own head. You just be your amazing, beautiful self and focus on your work. You’re so good at that.”

“Wish you were here.”

“Me too.”

---