Page 80 of Sky Full of Stars

I sit on the sand and stare out at the ocean. This is so different to what I’m used to, to what my life is. I like my life, this is such a drastic change. I tell her that. Then I tell her about the ex-girlfriend and how he omitted to tell me about her when I asked who she was.

“Well, have you asked him about it?”

“What? No.” I’m horrified at the thought.

“Why not?”

“Well…Because…”

“For someone who is usually so articulate and doesn’t take shit from anyone messing around with her, that is a piss poor response. And doll, he isn’t messing around with you. Perhaps he omitted to tell you so he didn’t hurt your feelings. He has to be hyper aware of how his life can affect you.”

“He knows hiding stuff from me doesn’t end well, Iz,” I say angrily.

“There she is…So what are you going to do?”

“I was thinking about coming home.”

“And just like that she’s gone again. You’re going to run away?” her voice takes on an angrier tone that surprises me.

“It’s not running away, you need me. I have work to do for Elle’s tour.”

“Nonsense, Tina has been working on that. She got your change to the schedule for London by the way. Does that have anything to do with Adam?” I begrudgingly tell her it does. “So you’re changing our authors tour dates so you can be with him. Tell me, does that sound like someone who wants to run away?”

I hug my knees to my chest. She’s right.

“I’m going to tell you a story, Jenna. It happened a long time ago. When I first met Ada I was new to this lesbian thing,” she chuckles. “Ada was so confident in her sexuality, she’d been open about it for years. I was afraid to tell anyone. She was this vibrant, funny, well liked, beautiful girl and she picked me. She was more experienced than me and it scared the hell out of me. There were times when I felt insecure, I would worry over every little thing, every time someone talked to her when we were out or she told me she was having coffee with someone. I convinced myself she was only with me because I was fresh meat,” she barks out a laugh and I laugh too. “One of her exes came back on the scene. She assured me it was over but they were still friends. How could she still be friends with an ex? I was so afraid of losing her I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore.”

“Really?”

“Really. I dumped her ass and she was furious with me. Furious and then upset and then disappointed in me. I walked away from the love of my life because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough.”

“But it worked out, Iz, you two are still together.”

“Seven years passed.”

“What?”

“Yes. I stayed away from her for seven years. I was desolate, scared and I knew I couldn’t take it back. She would never forgive me or want me. It was gut-wrenching being apart from her. I was with other people, even lived with someone for a couple of years but she was always in the back of my mind. I threw everything into my work, which we should be grateful for because our company is one of the best things in my life,” she laughs again.

“How did you end up back together?”

“I bumped into her at a function. She was there with a woman and my jealousy went through the roof. But I was also heartbroken. She saw me, and the way she looked at me brought back all the memories. I ran out of there because I couldn’t stand to see her with someone else. She came after me. She told me she missed me, the woman she was with was her cousin. We went for coffee, we talked, we realised what we had was special and we got back together, but we lost seven whole years, Jenna. Seven years that we could have been happy. And now…” she trailed off.

“Oh God Iz,” I wipe a tear from my eye. I can’t believe this happened to her and Ada, they were so in love, so happy. It seems alien they went through this.

“I’m afraid of losing her to this illness I keep thinking about those years we were apart.”

“But you’re together now and she is going to be okay, Iz,” I say softly.

“Yes we are, and we’re very happy but I regret every day walking away from her.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it?”

I glance back at the house behind me. I don’t see Adam but I’m sure he is wondering what is going on with me.

“I never asked her about her ex and it caused this rift that took my soul mate from me. I’m not saying Adam is your soul mate, doll but what if he is? What if you come back here and drift apart and always wonder? I don’t want that for you Jenna. It broke my heart I wasted all that time. All you need to do is be the Jenna I know, the one who takes no shit, who goes around punching men who hurt her. Ask him.”

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