Page 47 of Sky Full of Stars

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” she touches my arm.

I’m taken aback, but can see she’s mortified, still it hit directly in my stomach. I walk over to the steps on the porch and sit down, clasping my hands between my knees. We stay like that for a little while. I keep my eyes on the grass between my feet.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she says quietly.

Two whole days was all I got to feel like a happy normal person. Thinking there might be more for me. I look up at her, studying every part of her face, memorizing it.

“I’ll drive you home,” I get up, not hiding how pissed off I am. Why did I think I was ever going to get normal? Arch was right, I’m a fucking idiot.

“Wait,” she walks over and grabs my wrist. I look at her hand on mine. “Aren’t we going to talk about this?”

“Talk about what, you said you don’t want to do this.”

“I said I don’t know if I can do this but it’s because I’m scared, Adam. Not that I don’t want to.”

“What are you scared of?”

“I’m just a girl from Brooklyn, who likes boxing and reading and you’re....”

She needs to understand I’m the same as her. “I’m just a guy from White Plains who loves his family and sometimes sings and plays guitar.”

“In a world-famous band,” she dips her brows.

“Semantics.”

She laughs a little and I feel some of the anger and insecurity that burned in my stomach slipping away. I cup her chin and lift it so she’s looking up at me. “Do I scare you?”

“No, of course not,” she shakes her head for emphasis.

“Then there is nothing to worry about, I’m just me.”

“How can you say that?”

“I open my mouth and sounds come out that make these things called words.”

“Stop being an ass,” she slaps my chest but laughs. “I’ve just said something awful to you and I feel bad.”

“Forget that. Don’t be scared, Jenna okay, I’ve already told you, this is new for me too, and I don’t want to mess it up before it gets started.” I don’t want to admit that I blew my top too easily because I’m more insecure than I want to admit to anyone, including myself.

“Is that why you decided to drive me home after you won our bet fair and square?”

I laugh. “I don’t want to force you to get involved if you don’t want to. This is my life, it isn’t going to change, you need to make sure it’s what you want before this goes any further.”

Jenna takes a deep breath. “Can I be kept out of the press?”

“For as long as I can, I’ll always protect you but if they get wind of something between us, and print anything you need to be prepared, they can be brutal,” I shake my head, this was always what I was afraid of with her, or any time I have anyone in my life. Except, this was the first time I really wanted someone in my life who wasn’t already in the public eye. “Our publicist will take care of most things,” I shrug, feeling disheartened. This isn’t what I want to discuss right now.

“A lot of the stuff I’ve read about you is…” she tries to think what to say.

“Terrifying? Disgusting? Morally bankrupt?” I suggest for her. “Most of its bullshit, Jenna. We were all a bit stupid in the beginning sure, we were eighteen and suddenly had fame thrust at us, so some of it is real but for the most part, the last few years, a lot of shit has been made up. I’ve learned to ignore it. I know that would be hard for you.”

“Yeah,” she sits down on the step so I join her, our hips and knees touching.

“This is getting pretty deep,” I nudge her with my elbow. “I’m happy to keep talking and explain anything you need to know but, there isn’t really much more to say that you aren’t already thinking.” She surprises me when she rests her head on my shoulder. “If there is one thing I know, it’s that after a few weeks, it dies down, it becomes normal and they go hassle some other poor asshole. Or I can always get Jordan to do something stupid and draw away the attention.”

“Who is Jordan?”

“Our drummer. He gets himself into situations, he’d be more than happy to help.”

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