Page 27 of Sky Full of Stars

“God you’re definitely gonna kill me. I’ll let you know when I’m in New York.”

“Okay,” I curl up into a ball and pick up the phone putting it to my ear. “Adam?”

“Yeah?”

I close my eyes. Can I really just have one night with him and then he goes on his way? He’s told me over and over about his schedule, how he doesn’t get to see his family and friends, hasn’t even seen his sister in three months. Could I do that? I’m not that kind of girl.

I’ve never wanted anyone so bad in my entire life. I try to convince myself I can. I’m a grown woman, I can get what I need and move on. Is that what he’ll do? Will he move on, will he finally tell me what there is to know about him? I need to do what he keeps telling me, stop overthinking. I need to talk to Brooke. She’s good at this type of thing, not that she does it all the time but she doesn’t overthink like me. The problem I have is I’m letting my feelings get in the way. Talking to him has been the highlight of the last few months and after this…

“Nothing,” I finally tell him. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Hey, don’t worry, I’m not gonna jump you as soon as I see you. We can get a steak together, and I really want to watch you boxing. Could I do that?”

“Sure,” I tell him, relief flooding through me.

“New York.”

“New York.”

He laughs again before saying goodnight.

Chapter Nine

Something heavy hits the back of my head and I duck and turn around seeing it was a sneaker. “What the fuck Arch?” I growl at the man behind me. I pick it up and throw it back but he dodges out of the way before it can make contact.

“What are you staring at on that phone, you’ve been acting like your puppy died the last couple of days.”

“Nothing, fuck off throwing shit at me.”

I put my phone in my pocket. I shouldn’t be looking at the picture of Jenna with the guys around, I don’t want to risk anyone seeing it but she is so god damn gorgeous I can’t stop.

The bus goes over a pothole as Jordan stumbles through the curtain to the bunks and crashes his bare shoulder into the wall. “Shit, who’s driving this thing, Stevie fucking Wonder?”

I get up and grab a beer out of the fridge. The tour bus is top of the line, always fully stocked, making sure we have everything we want. The show in San Francisco last night had been a good one, the crowd amazing and I was high from my phone call with Jenna before we went on stage. As usual, a bunch of groupies got on the bus with us. Jordan is never quiet about it and we had to listen to him with two of them last night.

I feel bad about lying to Jenna about where I am but I can’t let her know. I still can’t believe she didn’t recognise me. That is a rarity and another thing I like about her. Then again, I’d given her my real name, not my stage name. I’m still not sure why I did that the night we met in New York, I very rarely gave anyone my real name these days. Sometimes it’s like I have a split personality, usually I can deal with it, but the last few weeks, with Jenna calling me Adam, it took me back to my life before becoming the lead singer of BreakNeck.

The band has been together since we were fourteen. I wasn’t lying to Jenna when I told her my life changed when I was eighteen, that was the day we were picked up by a reputable record label and plain old Adam Mathews became Aidan Gass. They told me Adam Mathews was too boring. No one else had to change their name. The lead singer had to be something more, the face of the band and the label said my name didn’t go with my look. My mom is still pissed about that.

“Do we really have to do this thing tonight? I’m too fucking hung over,” Jordan moans. He’s our drummer, his physique is lean and lanky, he loses buckets of sweat every night the way he goes at the drums.

“Label won’t let us get out of it. Maybe if you weren’t up half the night screwing anything with tits you wouldn’t feel this bad,” I point out.

“Just because you didn’t get laid,” he mutters grabbing his own beer. “Again.”

Well maybe not in person but I sure as shit had a good time. I’m sick of having this conversation with the guys, yes I’ve not been with any of the hundreds of women who throw themselves at us for the last few weeks, well the last year if I am counting, I don’t need the guys pointing it out constantly.

I can’t wait to get off the bus and into the hotel in LA. Because we’re technically still working, Bianca doesn’t want us all to go home, even though we all live in LA. I still have to talk to Bianca about a quick trip to New York. It isn’t going to interfere with anything. The final night of the tour is tomorrow, a huge spectacular at The Forum in LA that I’m actually looking forward to. Then we have some interviews scheduled over the next few days but I figure they could be put off, or all done in the one go the day after the show, so I can spend a little longer out East.

We have three weeks before we head out on the European leg of the tour, but that doesn’t mean things will quieten down. Bianca, our manager makes sure of that. She always has us going somewhere. I am sure the guys would appreciate a small break after the Forum, especially looking at Jordan this morning. Nick looks fresh as a daisy when he appears, there is a girl with him. I thought he had something going with a girl back home, who am I to judge?

Before we arrive at the hotel I run condensing the interviews by them. Jordan is all for it. Nick shrugs and says see what Bianca says. Archer is the only suspicious one but before he can quiz me I head to the music room at the front of the bus, telling them I want to work on chords for a song I’ve been composing. He watches me all the way. Archer is my best friend, he plays rhythm guitar and co-writes with me. He knows everything there is to know about me, and he was the one who stuck up for me when the shit hit the fan after I left the tour to head to Missouri, without so much as a discussion with management. Even though two shows were postponed and the band now has two extra shows to make up when we get back from Europe, he talked everyone down telling them to give me a break.

When we arrive, people have obviously got wind of where we are staying and despite hotel security, there is a big crowd of fans and paparazzi waiting for us. I do my duties, signing autographs, taking some pictures with fans and giving thumbs up to the paps before going straight to my room. Jordan and Nick go to the bar while Arch heads to his room too.

I call Bianca to tell her I need to talk. I promised her after last time I would never take off without discussion. I’ve given this band almost a decade of my life with full dedication, we have gone from a few years of barely being known or getting into the top 100 to being way up there consistently in the top ten. We have three platinum albums, toured extensively, always sell-out crowds. I work hard but there is only so much I can give of myself. Chris’s death was the first time the fans had not come first for me.

I look at Jenna’s picture again when I’m settled on the bed, the TV tuned to some mindless home renovation show as background noise.

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