Page 12 of Sky Full of Stars

“Yeah, I’m good, gonna head home to bed. Love you.”

“Love you too, babe.”

I hang up and drive home. I pour myself a drink and sit down to think about the nights events. I worry about Megan but find some solace in the fact I’m teaching her some of the skills she needs to take care of herself, but that won’t help her with what is going on inside her head. I don’t know how I can help with that.

I notice the notification light on my phone is flashing and pick it up. There are four messages from Adam.

Adam: It means I’ve kissed a lot of frogs

Adam: Who don’t have brown hair and nice legs

Adam: You there?

Adam: Okay, I guess I’ll leave you to your night

Damn. I look up at the ceiling. He clearly thinks I’m blowing him off. I don’t want him to think that. It’s the first time he’s given me something personal. I wonder what he means about kissing frogs. He’s for sure a good-looking guy. Probably the best-looking guy I’ve ever met. I don’t understand what he is doing texting me like this. What does it mean?

Me: Sorry, something came up, I didn’t mean to disappear

Nothing happens. I have an early start tomorrow. Elle is coming in to meet me to discuss her impending book tour. I head to the bathroom and brush my teeth getting ready for bed. I’m just drifting off to sleep when my phone vibrates.

Adam: No worries

I sit up, drawing my knees to my chest, sitting in the dark. At least he replied, but it doesn’t leave much room for a response. I take a deep breath then start to type.

Me: I have this friend, we only met recently. She comes to my gym. She saw me training, we got to talking and she asked me to teach her. I guess that’s where my role of ‘trainer’ has come from. I’m enjoying it, she is doing great, and Sam thinks I’d make a good coach, I’m not so sure but I’m trying… Something happened tonight. I was texting with you and when I came back she was freaking out at this guy, she was white as a sheet, scared and then she puked. She won’t open up and I don’t know how to deal with it. I want to help her, more than just teaching her how to hit a bag… Sorry, I don’t know where this is coming from, guess I just needed to speak about it with someone. Feel free to tell me this is getting too heavy and if you don’t want to chat anymore I’ll understand.

I hover my finger over the send button. Does he really want to hear this? It’s not like he has any obligation to respond, it’s not like I’ll miss it too much if he doesn’t. I think. But this is definitely way deeper than anything we’ve talked about before and it may push him away. Maybe that’s what I want, maybe talking with him is scaring me.

I put the phone down and look up at the ceiling. Fuck it. Before I can think about it anymore than I already am, I hit send and close my eyes.

I’m surprised after a few minutes to see the dots dancing to show me he is typing back.

Adam: That’s pretty heavy Jenna. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know how to help with that… Listen, I have something I have to do right now but I don’t want to stop talking ok? I’ll be working late so can’t talk tonight. How about we talk at the weekend? I’m travelling and have commitments I can’t get out of. I have to go now so won’t be able to answer anymore. Don’t spend too much time thinking, it’s late and you should sleep x

I breathe out a sigh of relief when I see his answer. I wonder what he’s doing and where he is going. I feel better about it, he replied at least. It’s also the first time he’s actually called me by my name and I don’t want to read too much into that kiss at the end of his message. As I drift into sleep, I also think he hasn’t been horrible about it but telling me he’ll chat at the weekend doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to.

“Really? Are you serious?”

Elle and Izzy both smile at my incredulous face. I actually don’t know what to say right now. They want me to go on the book tour, the US part for now, it’s still up in the air if Elle wants to do Europe. I’m completely speechless.

“I have so much going on here it wouldn’t be right for me to leave, you’re the next best thing to having me there.”

I look from Izzy back to Elle. She smiles at me. She’s in her late thirties but is young at heart and fun loving and she is partial to a good old dirty joke now and then. I think it will be fun going on the road with her.

“I’ve seen the itinerary you’ve come up with and it looks good,” Izzy says. “Go ahead and get the accommodation bookings changed for you instead of me. We need to get you guys out to the first destination for Monday.”

“That’s only three days.”

“You knew that Jen,” Izzy laughs at me.

“Right,” I laugh, of course I do, I planned it. I thought it would be Izzy heading out in three days’ time.

I thank them both and am almost giddy when I leave her office. I haven’t travelled much in my twenty-four years, the occasional trip to New Jersey or Long Island to the beach, and once my parents took me to Virginia Beach for the week, but I’ve never left the east coast.

This book tour would travel right across the United States all the way to Los Angeles. That makes me think of Adam. I don’t know if he is still in LA or somewhere else. Weirdly I wanted to tell him. And that thought dampened my mood.

It’s been over a week since my long message about Megan, he said he would text last weekend, but he didn’t. I was disappointed, upset and then angry, then told myself I knew sending that message might push him away. Maybe I wanted to stop the chatting. But I was kidding myself. I don’t want it to stop, but I made it stop getting way too heavy.

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