Page 73 of When Cardinals Appear

A series of images of my future flashed through my mind. The empty seat at my wedding, where my mother should be. Me in a hospital room, surrounded by nurses, with a man standing next to me, holding one hand and encouraging me to push while my other hand was closed in a fist because there was no one else there to hold it. Children’s birthdays, first days of school, promotions, anniversaries, and achievements—all things my mother would miss. Graduation was only the beginning. I had a lifetime of events to experience without my mother.

I bowed my head, amazed as tears leaked from my eyes. How I had any water left in my body, I didn’t know. And I grieved not only the loss of my mother’s life but also the loss of what might have been, how different my future would have looked had she lived.

A sound roused me from my reverie, and I blinked my blurry eyes, attempting to focus. Footsteps crunched over the gravel road that led through the cemetery, and I raised my head, searching for the source of the sound. A figure in a dark coat moved toward me, but I couldn’t make out much more than that in the dim light of dusk.

“Lanie?” a deep voice called, and my heart skipped a beat.

“I-I’m here,” I croaked.

His pace increased, and soon, he was kneeling by my side. “Are you okay?”

I nodded and stared at my hands, not trusting myself to speak. Though happy to see him, I wasn’t prepared to have that conversation then and there.

“Your family is worried sick about you,” Nate said as he took my hand. “Your hands are like ice! How long have you been out here?”

I shrugged. My phone was in the car, and I wasn’t wearing a watch. Not that I would have checked the time anyway. I glanced at the sky and guessed it had been several hours, based on the gathering shadows.

“I stopped by your house this afternoon, but you weren’t there. So I came here,” I whispered, unable to find the energy to speak louder.

“Oh, Lanie,” Nate cried out as he pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around my frozen ones. “We need to get you inside and warm.” He tried to help me stand, but my legs wouldn’t cooperate.

“What are you doing here?” I blurted out.

His dark eyebrows pulled down over his brown eyes. “Looking for you. Steven came by my house, asking if I’d seen you. It didn’t take long for me to guess where you might be.” He stood and lifted me into a standing position, but my legs wobbled, and I couldn’t stand on my own. After a moment of assessment, he shrugged and swept my legs out from under me before cradling me against his chest.

Too tired to resist, I rested my head against his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck. He carried me to his car and fumbled with the door before he was able to open it and awkwardly set me down in the passenger seat.

“But my car,” I protested, trying and failing to stand.

“We’ll come back for it tomorrow,” Nate promised, resting his hand briefly on my shoulder.

For a moment, I considered arguing with him, but I didn’t have the energy. He shut the door and went to the driver’s side.

“I need to let Steven know I found you, and then I can take you home,” he said as he climbed in beside me.

“Can we go back to your place?” I asked. “If my family is looking for me, they’re likely to descend in a worried, frantic mess, especially after how I’ve acted the last week.” I swallowed. “I’d really rather not deal with that tonight.”

“I’ll take you wherever you want,” Nate said with a sideways glance as he pulled out his phone. He dialed Steven and faced the window.

I only half listened to his conversation. He had turned the car on, and I basked in the heat flowing from the vents. I hadn’t realized just how cold I was until he tried to help me stand. I held my frozen hands up to the warm air and worked to rub some feeling back into them.

“I told Steven I was going to take you to get something to eat,” Nate said as he put his phone away and got the car in gear. “We can stop at a drive-through on the way.”

I looked at him then, and all the words that I needed to say to him caught in my throat. Maybe I should have gone home. Dealing with my family couldn’t be any worse than the uncomfortable conversation we were about to have.

As if he could sense my thoughts, Nate glanced at me. “Let’s just focus on getting you warm and fed. Nothing needs to be decided tonight.”

We drove through the town in silence, speaking only long enough for Nate to determine where to stop and what to order. When we reached his house, Nate climbed out first and rushed to help me. The warm car had helped significantly with thawing my limbs, and I was able to stand and walk on my own. I still accepted his offered arm, both to prevent myself from falling flat on my face and to have a reason to touch him. Despite his assurances that we didn’t need to talk, I disagreed. And the sooner we had that conversation, the better.

Lucky greeted us at the door, his tail thumping against the wall. Nate helped me out of my coat and led me to the kitchen. When he flicked on the light, Shadow blinked up at me lazily from his bowl, and I bent to pat his gray head.

“Have you given any thought to pursuing your dreams beyond working at the shelter?” I asked.

Nate set our food on the table. “I have.” He glanced at me before grabbing some napkins. “I’ve actually signed up to take a few courses in the fall for a veterinarian tech assistant.”

“That’s great news!” I sank into a seat on one side of his small table, so he took the chair across from me. “But what about the shop?”

He shrugged, unwrapping his burger. “I talked to Jeff about a promotion. He seemed enthusiastic about the idea, so I could cut back on my hours.”

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