Page 29 of When Cardinals Appear

I giggled. “That’s just because Dad is ruthless.” Leaning back against the couch, I stared at the ceiling. “But no worse than Mom at Uno.”

“Ugh! I forgot about that.” Steven smacked his forehead and groaned. “I swear she hoarded those draw-four cards. And she always threw them down—“

“Right when one of us would yell ‘Uno,’” Steven and I said simultaneously then laughed.

As he resumed packing the photo albums for Rose to look through for a wedding collage, I continued to mentally reminisce about that last vacation. Steven was right. Despite how awful it had been to get sick at Walt Disney World, that vacation had briefly made me believe everything would be okay. My parents had continued to try for another year before they finally separated.

“You know how you said you didn’t know why Mom chose you as the executor when you first got back?” Steven’s voice broke into my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

He leaned back against the arm of the couch and looked at me. “I think she knew you needed to be here.”

I raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“Closure.”

“What do you mean?”

With a deep breath, he continued, “Even though you were here for Mom when she was sick, I think the two of you tiptoed around a lot of issues. You two used to fight all the time. You even moved out and lived with Dad for your last semester of high school.” He glanced at his hands. “But when she got sick, that stopped. Things changed. You dropped everything to come help her.”

“She needed me,” I protested.

Steven held up a hand. “I’m not finished.”

I crossed my arms with a frown, unsure where the conversation was going.

“You were right to come home. She did need you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t more helpful back then. It was difficult to visit while I clerked in Baltimore, but I wish I had done more.” He fixed me with a probing look. “But come on, Lanie. Can you honestly tell me you and Mom hashed everything out before she died? When you first came home, I could see you were holding back, biting your tongue in favor of keeping the peace. Like if you bottled up all your anger at some of her comments, it would prevent her from getting worse.”

Worrying my lip, I considered his words. I thought I’d hidden my emotions better than that but perhaps not. If my brother had seen through me so easily, did that mean Mom had as well?

“I just... I thought we’d have more time,” I whispered. “I thought, once she got better, we’d—“ A single tear slid down my cheek. “But she—she never—”

Steven pulled me into his arms as I struggled not to lose it. “Shhh, it’s okay, Lanie. I know.” He rubbed my back as his voice cracked. “We all thought we’d have more time with her.”

It was the first time since the funeral that I had seen my brother grieve. My arms tightened around him, and I hoped he felt as comforted by my embrace as I was by his. He was, after all, the only other person in the world who could truly understand what I was going through because of the loss we shared.

When we finally broke apart, red-eyed and sniffling, Steven gave me a watery grin. “This is why I wish you would stay in Cedar Haven. I can’t bear to lose you too.”

“I’m moving to California, not dying,” I tried to joke, but my voice caught in my throat. I’d been so busy thinking of how hard it was for me to be home, but I hadn’t stopped to think about what my brother was going through. While he had seemed to be doing well, maybe it was just a façade he put on to get through the day.

He snorted. “You know what I mean. It hasn’t been the same while you’ve been gone these last six months. I missed you.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I’d missed him too. The distance I gained when I returned to school helped push my grief to the back of my mind, but it’d been hard to be away from my family.

“You can always come visit me in LA,” I said. “We could try out Disneyland, see how it compares.”

“It won’t. It’s too small,” Steven teased. “But I’m sure Rose and I will make it out there after the wedding craziness is over.” He stretched and stood. “Speaking of, I should probably get on my way. She’s been chomping at the bit to get these albums.”

There was an unopened box on the floor by the couch. “What’s in that one?”

Steven shrugged. “It looks like an old file box. Probably has old bills and whatnot. You can put it in a closet for now, and we’ll take a look at it later.”

As I helped Steven carry the boxes to his car, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. Had Mom made me executor to force me back here to deal with everything we’d left unsaid? Was I being selfish by wanting to put this small town in the rearview? But Mom made me promise to leave, to never settle here. If she changed her mind, wouldn’t she have told me?

I woke up the next morning with my heart in my throat. I went downstairs and grabbed a mug from the cabinet. The little sleep I’d had was filled with confusing dreams about Nate. With the mug in hand, I stepped over to the back window. My cardinal friend was flitting along the railing.

“Hello there.” I waved. The cardinal cocked its head at me, displaying those familiar black dots near its beak. “Today is a big day. We’re getting the house ready to sell.”

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