Page 23 of When Cardinals Appear

I shook my head. “No, er, I mean, we’ve, uh, talked about it.” My voice shook as words failed me. My mind had just conjured an image of Nate, and I couldn’t imagine what that meant.

“Maybe once you’re back out west, he’ll propose,” Leslie said. “He probably doesn’t want to overwhelm you with everything else that’s going on.”

Though I was grateful for the subject change, her comments put everyone at the table in a somber mood. Their eyes filled with sympathy and concern as they assessed me. I shifted uncomfortably. Maybe I should have played up the potential proposal more, even though it was hard to feign excitement.

“How are you really doing?” Toccara asked, her dark eyes searching my face.

“It’s been... difficult,” I admitted, sucking in a ragged breath. “Especially being home. Living in her house.” I closed my eyes and twirled my hair around my finger. “Sometimes, I wake up and rush downstairs to check on her only to be reminded she’s not there.” I coughed a bitter laugh. “I even think sometimes I can still hear the beeping of her heart monitor.”

A hand closed over mine, and I opened my eyes to see Rose. The other girls reached across the table, and soon my hand was completely covered with the loving touches of my friends.

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Trudy said. The other girls glanced at one another and nodded. I forced a smile. I was the only one of my friends to have lost a parent.

I shook out my curls. “But Steven and I have made a lot of progress, and I think it’ll get easier when I’m not living there anymore.”

“If you need a break, you’re welcome to stay with me,” Kristen offered.

“I just might take you up on that.” I released their hands and waved, trying to dispel the somber mood. “Ugh, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a downer. Tonight’s supposed to be fun!”

While my declaration was met with a chorus of cheers and enthusiastic nods, I didn’t miss the concerned looks being exchanged by my friends. Luckily for me, the lights dimmed, and the show began.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. Listening to familiar songs played on pianos and hearing the crowd sing along allowed me to let go of all my stress and worry, even if just for one night. My friends and I danced, sang, and took full advantage of the fruity drinks offered at the bar. A bachelorette party was underway, and my heart stuttered at the idea that one day soon, I might celebrate my own pending nuptials. But it wasn’t James’s face I saw in the vision, and that unsettled me.

Near midnight, we left the bar. Trudy had offered to be the designated driver, and she led the way to the parking garage, where her minivan waited. Though tired, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders that evening, and I was glad I had gone out. I promised myself to do better at keeping in touch with that wonderful group of friends.

Trudy dropped me off first, and everyone climbed out of the car to give me a hug. Rose’s was the tightest and the longest, as if she hoped to imbue me with all of her love and warmth to carry me through the night.

“By the way, the school system is having a fundraiser this week to provide the kids with supplies for second semester,” Rose said. “It’d be great if you could come and help out.”

“That sounds like a distraction,” I teased. “But one I need. Text me the details, and I’ll be there.”

Rose smiled and nodded then hopped into the vehicle. While I hadn’t thought about what it would feel like to go back to the empty house alone, as I waved a last goodbye to the girls, a wave of nausea came over me.

With a heavy sigh, I unlocked the door and flicked on the hallway light. The silence was deafening after the loud music of the bar. I set my purse down on the bench by the door and stepped out of my shoes. Trudging across the floor in my stockinged feet, I headed to the kitchen, flipping lights on my way as if I could block out the melancholy darkness waiting inside me.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sank into a chair at the kitchen table. After pulling the cap off, I gulped it down. The last thing I needed tomorrow was a hangover. After I had swallowed half of the bottle, I pulled out my phone. A missed call appeared on the screen. I tapped the voicemail, and James’s familiar voice filled the room.

“Hey, babe. It’s been a while since I heard from you, so I thought I’d check in. Hope everything is going well. Call me. Love you.”

It was too late to call, even with the West Coast being three hours behind. James was an early to bed, early to rise kind of guy, and I knew he would already be asleep. It was just as well. I couldn’t shake my discomfort at what had happened when my friends mentioned marriage. While I wasn’t ready to marry James, I’d thought that was because I wasn’t ready to marry anyone.

But seeing Nate’s face unsettled me. Coupled with my reaction to him holding my hand at lunch the other day, I clearly had some things to sort out before I spoke with James again. More importantly, I hoped to resolve my feelings by the time I next saw Nate, which, if I had my way, wouldn’t be anytime soon.

Chapter Five

Sunday morning dawned much too early after the late night before. My phone chimed, waking me. With a groan, I rolled over and tapped to open a group text from Trudy, which gave details about the fundraiser Rose had mentioned. A semiannual event for the local schools, it included an auction, and they were seeking donations.

I rubbed my eyes then reread her message. Mom had a few items I thought might work. And Steven would be thrilled to get rid of some things, especially if they went to a good cause.

Hey, Trudy, I can donate some odds and ends of my mom’s. Where should I meet you?

After climbing out of bed with my phone, I padded down to the kitchen in search of coffee. My water chugging had staved off a hangover, but I was still bleary-eyed and exhausted from being out so late. As the coffee brewed, my phone pinged again.

Awesome, Lanie! Can you stop by the high school this afternoon?

In one text, she’d reminded me of my lack of transportation. A glance outside confirmed the weather wasn’t conducive to walking, and even if it had been, it would be quite a walk, as the school wasn’t nearby. Besides, I would need help carrying everything.

Ping. I glanced down, and my stomach dropped.

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