Page 14 of When Cardinals Appear

What I hadn’t counted on, however, was how overwhelming the task was. It wasn’t the amount of clothing I had to go through; it was more the memories each item conjured. A soft gray cardigan hung off the back of the chair in front of Mom’s vanity. Toward the end of her life, Mom alternated between hot flashes and freezing, and the cardigan had been the easiest way to regulate her temperature because she could slip it off and on without assistance. My heart squeezed at the memory, and for a moment, I imagined her sitting in front of the mirror on one of her good days, wrapped up in the sweater’s warmth as she brushed her thinning blond hair. The skin on her hand was so pale, I could count her veins.

With a sigh, I entered Mom’s closet and removed armfuls of clothes before laying them gently on the queen-sized bed. There were warm cashmere sweaters in mostly pink and blue, soft blue jeans, and sparkly sequined dresses in an array of colors. I’d grabbed a few large plastic bags from the kitchen on my way up for the clothes I would donate, but it was agonizing to put any items into them.

I pressed a dark-green sweater to my face and breathed in deep, relishing Mom’s faded scent of lavender and peonies. It was one of Mom’s favorite pieces because it brought out the green in her hazel eyes. I could almost picture Mom standing in front of her full-length mirror, tugging her sweater into place as she dressed for work, her blond hair in curlers on her head. Steven and I might have inherited Mom’s hair color, but our thick locks were a product of our father.

I closed my eyes as a tear slipped down my cheek. Though I knew I would never wear that sweater, I couldn’t quite part with it. I set it onto the pile of clothes I would keep.

Next, I picked up a dark-blue button-down dress featuring a heart-shaped lace cutout at the chest. Mom had loved that dress so much, she bought two. The other one was green. I held it up to myself as I stepped to the mirror. I imagined Mom standing behind me, wearing the green one, the fabric hugging her soft curves. I shook my head, and the image dissipated. I decided to keep the green dress and donate the blue one. Each item that went into the bags was placed with a tender reverence.

When all the clothes were sorted, I surveyed my work. Two full bags were tied up and ready to go to the local church. Mom would want it that way. She’d always helped the less fortunate and would be happy to see so many of her treasured possessions going to people in need in the community. While I tried to take comfort in that knowledge, I still had to swallow a lump in my throat.

My stomach growled, and I checked my watch, surprised to find it had taken me about three hours to sort everything. I went to the kitchen and assembled a snack tray of crackers, cheese, and pepperoni with a glass of white wine. Food in hand, I slipped into the living room and sat on the worn red sofa.

As if on cue, the ringtone for James sounded, and I smiled. He must have just gotten off work. “Hey, babe, thanks for calling.”

“Of course,” James said. “How was your day?”

“Ugh, not great.” I proceeded to tell him about my experience with the flat tire, omitting the part about my ex coming to the rescue. I couldn’t say why I kept that information to myself. A few hours ago, I would have poured my heart out to my boyfriend, uncomfortable conversations included. Maybe I was too emotionally exhausted to hash all that out again. Or maybe a part of me feared James would be jealous or worried, though he’d never displayed possessive behavior before.

“I’m so sorry. That sounds like quite an ordeal. I can’t believe your brother didn’t bother with upkeep while you’ve been away.”

“I know, right?” I sipped my wine, feeling vindicated. “But what’s done is done. I spent the rest of the afternoon going through my mom’s clothes.”

“I bet that was hard,” he said in a soothing tone.

“It certainly wasn’t the most fun thing to do.” I tried to sound nonchalant. Clearing my throat, I changed the subject. “How’s your new job?”

“It’s amazing! I was put on a team working on this huge campaign, and everyone’s been very welcoming,” James gushed. He told me how awesome the team was and how happy he was at the firm. I tried to ignore the pang in my chest. He sounded so happy and full of life; I couldn’t help feeling a little jealous. Why couldn’t I be with him, starting our lives together instead of stuck in Cedar Haven, trying and failing to outrun the past that threatened to catch up with me?

My phone beeped, and Steven’s name flashed on the screen. A strange but familiar panic set into my bones.

“I’m sorry, James, but Steven’s calling. I’ve gotta go.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I hope tomorrow goes better for you. I’ll call you soon. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I clicked over to answer Steven. “What’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong,” Steven replied, bewilderment coloring his voice.

I exhaled and covered my face with my hand. Would I ever stop fearing the worst? “Sorry. I’ve become accustomed to bad news every time the phone rings.”

“I get it,” Steven said. “But everything’s fine. I was calling to see how your day went.”

“Pretty well. I managed to sort through all of Mom’s clothes.”

“That’s great,” Steven said, but something sounded off in his voice.

“What is it?” I asked.

A deafening silence came from the other end, and my heartbeat quickened. Was my first instinct right?

“Look, I need you to promise you’ll hear me out before you get mad, okay?”

I frowned. “Why would I be mad?”

“I asked Nate to help us with the furniture,” he exclaimed in a rush.

“What?” My mouth fell open. What the— “Why would you do that?”

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