Page 60 of When Cardinals Appear

His unwavering stare made me want to squirm, but I kept my body still, hoping the interrogation would end soon and we could talk of other things, safer subjects.

“Have you talked to Nate since James left?”

I blinked. What an odd question. “Of course I’ve talked to him.”

He gave me a strange look. “And what did you talk about?”

I frowned. “I apologized for not telling him about James sooner.”

“And that’s all?”

What was he getting at? “Should I have discussed something else with him?”

When he didn’t respond, I stared at him, trying to read between the lines. What was he hiding? And what did it have to do with Nate? But before I could turn the tables and interrogate him for a change, he took a large bite of his steak.

His silence gave me an opportunity to calm the churning in my stomach. I drank my water and force-fed myself the salad, hoping to appear calm and collected.

But when he cleared his throat, I knew the dance we were doing was about to get more complicated, and I already struggled to follow the steps.

“I think you’ve made your decision, but you just don’t want to admit it, even to yourself.”

In that moment, all I wanted to do was prove him wrong. I’d grown weary of everyone meddling in my life. James’s search for an apartment without me, my father’s coercive mechanisms to get me to stay, and even my dead mother’s interference in my love life from beyond the grave.

“Why will no one listen to me?” I slammed my fist on the table. “Need I remind you that this is my life, and I would appreciate you keeping your nose out of it.”

“You’re right,” he said, undeterred. “It is your life. So why are you willing to throw it away?”

I gaped at him. What did he mean by that? Choosing to pursue a life in California wasn’t throwing it away. Even if I didn’t have James anymore, I had a job. I had a future. Why couldn’t he see that?

My father sighed and shifted in his seat. “I understand if you’re scared.”

“Why would I be scared?”

“Your mother’s meddling did a number on you, and even though she’s gone, I think you’re afraid of disappointing her in some way.”

I dropped my gaze, fearing my face would give me away. I hadn’t told anyone other than Nate about the cardinal or my suspicions about my mother trying to communicate with me.

“I’ve done everything Mom asked of me. Why wouldn’t she be proud?”

“You say that, but I don’t think you believe it.”

My head shot up. I couldn’t even begin to dissect the meaning of those words. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

He put down his utensils, pushed his plate forward slightly, and folded his hands behind it as he regarded me. The salad turned to stone in my stomach. He certainly lived up to his nickname of The Intimidator.

“Your mother has spent years cultivating the Lanie she wanted you to be, and now that she’s gone, you’re still trying to live up to her expectations. But without her guidance, you’re like a ship without a harbor, and you’re pushing back on anything that goes against her teachings. Nate is one of those things, and despite how much you care about him, you’re afraid to pursue things and end up like your mother.”

Sometimes, I forgot how observant my father could be. A man of few words, the present situation notwithstanding, he paid closer attention than most people realized.

“Mom didn’t end up so bad,” I murmured. “Despite your issues, you two made your peace in the end.”

He nodded. “We did. And now it’s your turn.”

“But Mom and I were at peace.” I frowned. “At least, I thought we were.” I put my head in my hands.

“It’s not your mother you need to make peace with,” he said. “It’s the version of Lanie your mother has convinced you to be.” He shrugged as he scooped up his mashed potatoes onto his fork. “Only then will you be able to make a decision about your next steps.”

“And if that Lanie wants to go to California too?”

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