Page 27 of When Cardinals Appear

The next day, I lucked out in not needing to rely on Nate for a ride. Trudy herself picked me up for the fundraiser, and I vacillated between enjoying myself and wanting to hide. Between the condolences for my loss and the questions about my plans, I longed for the obscurity I’d had in Seattle, where I could walk through a crowd and disappear.

Of course, the one person I wished to talk to most avoided me for the entire event. Nate attended the fundraiser as well, but he was always one step ahead of me. Whenever I started to approach him, he would find an excuse to be somewhere else. Was he afraid I would start asking more questions about whatever he was hiding? Or was it as painful and awkward for him to be around me as it was for me to be around him? On the one hand, I appreciated that he gave me space, but on the other, his avoidance hurt more than I wanted to admit.

When I woke the day after the fundraiser, I had another visit from the cardinal. I’d thought by that point, with the lack of food in the yard, it would have moved on. But there it was, as bright and curious as ever, perched on the back railing, gazing in at me. It stayed longer that time, watching me go through my morning routine, but we were both startled when my phone rang.

I recognized the number from the shop. “Hello?”

“Hey, Lanie, it’s Nate. Your mom’s car is ready.”

“Okay, great,” I said with enthusiasm. I would no longer have to rely on the kindness of others to get around. But then reality hit, and I chewed on my bottom lip. How was I going to pick up the car?

“I can come pick you up if you’d like,” Nate said as if reading my mind.

Ugh, another awkward ride with Nate. Just what I didn’t need. Then again, maybe that was a good thing. He couldn’t avoid me in the car. And I was tired of dancing around the elephant between us. I was stuck there for as long as it took to sell the house and settle the estate. I really didn’t want to walk on eggshells every time I ran into him, which, in our tiny town, was sure to be often.

“You sure? I don’t want to interrupt your workday.”

“It’s no problem. Is now a good time?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks, Nate.”

“Be there soon.”

I got ready to go, vowing that I wouldn’t let him weasel his way out of a difficult conversation again. We were both adults. There was no reason we couldn’t at least tolerate each other.

When he arrived, I was waiting on the front porch. He jumped out of his car and opened the door, but I was already there. I didn’t want to be distracted by his chivalry. With a curt nod, I slid into the car. He hesitated outside before climbing into the driver’s seat.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said.

“No problem. I’m sorry the repairs took so long.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine. Having no transportation gave me time to sort through my mom’s things, and I’ve made a lot of progress.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“I saw you at the fundraiser,” I blurted, my voice accusatory.

He shot me a wary look. “I saw you too.”

“Why didn’t you say hello?”

Nate blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”

“Just because you’re keeping something from me doesn’t mean we can’t be friends,” I shot back.

He winced, and my resolve faltered. What right did I have to demand he tell me his secrets? Was my rabid curiosity really enough for me to justify treating him this way? What if whatever happened was something deeply personal? I wasn’t being fair.

“I’m sorry,” he replied before I could retract my words. “I shouldn’t have avoided you.” He braked at the stoplight and turned and looked at me. “I wasn’t sure where we’d left things, and I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You could have just asked.” I raised an eyebrow.

The light turned green, and he returned his attention to the road. “Next time, I will. I promise.”

“I’m sorry too.”

His eyebrows shot up. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“Your relationship with my mother is none of my business,” I said, though it pained me to do so. If Mom had wanted me to know whatever transpired between them, she would have told me. “I shouldn’t have pressured you.”

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