Page 43 of Duchess Material

Ed’s agitation built as he returned home. He parked his car, wondering if he should have, instead, gone to buy overpriced champagne and gotten drunk while playing Halo endlessly. That would distract him, wouldn’t it? He could swing by a bar. No. The press would follow him. If he was seen chatting a woman up, it would be curtains. Still, shouldn’t he get her back? Give her a taste of her own medicine. Ed decided he wasn’t there yet.

Then, he worried. Through the front dormer, he saw the hall entry light. The door was locked, but he worried he had been robbed. This was just what he needed. It was odd. He unlocked the door and shouted, “If you’ve broken in, I’m about to kick your arse!”

“Don’t, don’t. It’s me. I let myself in. I left the light on for you. I’m sorry.” It was Natalie.

Ed groaned, annoyed.

“I put my key on the kitchen counter. I… I wanted to apologise but… I can understand if…”

Ed climbed the steps to find Natalie looking like a kicked puppy in his apartment. She wasn’t here to make trouble. It broke Ed’s heart. He wanted to shout at her and hold her all at once. The little pout on her face drove him mad.

“Let’s… let’s talk,” Ed said.

They sat in his living room on opposite sides of the couch. She looked deferential. It was so unlike Natalie to come down from that place. She was vulnerable. She was frightened. She was being honest. Ed could only love her.

“I am so, so sorry, Edwin. Because I love you. I love you so much. I was being a prick. I freaked out because I thought I was doing you a favour. I wasn’t. I was making it easy on myself because you frighten me.”

“I frighten you?” He’d not even raised his voice.

It felt unfair.

“Well, just because I love you so much,” Natalie clarified. “It makes me feel weak and confused. You drive me mad. And… I just want to protect you from everything, but even I cannot stop them from being shitheads. This is part of life with me and—”

“I don’t love it, baby. I was also out-of-line. You were trying to explain it was no worry. I do trust you, Natalie. I was being possessive. I couldn’t help it, but it’s not excuse. I don’t consider myself a controlling wanker but… maybe I am with you?”

“No, I think… I might feel the same if I saw pictures like that of you with another girl. The difference there is I would know it was likely the press being arseholes. Not you are cheating on me. I grew up like this. You didn’t. I gave you no grace. I should have been kinder and more understanding. I should have discussed it with you. I must get better at it.”

Ed scooted closer and squeezed her hand. “It’s alright. I get it. We both were a bit hot. Shit happens.”

“You don’t hate me?” Natalie winced.

Ed kissed her forehead. “God, I wish I could have. Nat, I love you. A lot. I couldn’t. Not over something so petty as this. Don’t do it again, alright?”

She nodded, “I promise I won’t. This was a learning experience. I am new to this. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I have loved before but not like this. Not with someone I feel like I’m building something with. Because I do. With you, it feels like far more than anything I’ve known, Winslow.”

He smiled, “I know what it feels like.”

“I don’t want to leave you again—not like that.”

“I know,” Ed winced now. “Nat, I must tell you something. I did something and you may hate me for it—”

“What? Please tell me you didn’t fuck someone else! I mean, I can’t control that or even punish you for it. Since I threw you out but… I would feel hurt—”

“No, no, God, no. I was a sad sack who only wanted you to come back and talk to me about it. I was heartbroken, baby. No. I’m yours and only yours.”

She smiled.

“It’s work. I took a job with an American sports network. They wanted sports casters for the major events leading up to the World Championships. It’s with two people I respect so much. It’s a dream job, Nat. Since I thought you were never coming back… I jumped at it.”

Her sweet look turned to sadness. “Well, if it’s your dream… I can’t stop you.”

“I didn’t do it to run us into the ground. And I haven’t signed anything—”

“No, no, you don’t owe me anything. We’re not married and—”

“Nat, I love you. So very much. I promise you I will be around as much as I can. I won’t do anything stupid. You trust me?”

“As much as you trust me. We’ll figure it out. I’m happy for you, Ed. How could I not be? It sounds like a great opportunity. I mean, my man on American telly? How could I object?”

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