Page 21 of Duchess Material

“You are beaming.” Lucy giggled as she sat on the couch at his place.

Their place. Winston could say that now.

“I am. Because we finally confirmed it. It feels real now,” Winston said.

“I’m glad.”

“I know it has been hard. It’s been shit. I don’t want you to think this is some sort of power move in which—”

Lucy burst out laughing. It could have been the booze, but Winston was sure it was more.

“What?”

“Just… you… power move? Winston, sweetie, you are big and could throw your weight around but you’re a dog dad who sings the ‘time to go on walkies’ song to the dogs when it’s about time to go out.”

Winston had to laugh as she attempted his accent.

“It’s cute when you try to sound English. Try Scottish,” Winston told her.

“No. I would insult your proud people. I can take the piss with The English all day. Winston, I don’t expect this is a power move.”

“Well, I never know—”

“Winston, things have been… off. And complicated. And you’ve gotten no benefit with me.”

“Lucy, you are the benefit. I have spent years longing for you,” Winston insisted. “Years. I have wanted nothing more than to call you mine. Not to sound desperate, but I have hung on your every word and basked in you here on this very couch. Okay? I am in no rush. If I’m lucky, I’ll have the rest of our lives together to do all sorts of wonderful things.”

She smiled and nodded. “Okay. I do want to. But… I’m a mess.”

“I can assure you it isn’t. But you’re still putting yourself back together. It’s okay to say you need time.”

“Honestly, though, why? You’ve already seen me naked, Winston. We live together. Does it not bother you—”

“We put cart before horse in so many ways. We are living like a married couple who had sex once. I’m basically in love with you and you’re trying to convince yourself it’s okay to try and love me,” Winston said. “Honestly, lots of people wait awhile to have sex after they start dating. I’m not here to pressure you, Lucy. That would make me a rapey dickhead.”

“It’s remarkably common—”

Winston’s tone turned stern. “It’s wrong. Wankers like my dad might posit that. They also would have thought you should be putting out this entire time. But, Lucy, did you ever feel possessed to do anything to please me?”

“I wanted to be kind and make you food. I would bring you things. Little things, I mean,” Lucy said. “Because I do love you… in some way. I may not still love you in the way you love me. I hope to, but… I do love you, Winston. You are the best person. You are patient and kind and loving. You are probably the most stable and considerate person in my life. When shit hits the fan, you always show up. I have an abandonment complex—especially after George. But… I’m beginning to set it aside. I think that’s why I’m insulating myself right now.”

“I live here, Luce. And I didn’t mean to insinuate you aren’t sweet. You’re lovely. You’re helpful and always so thoughtful. You make me laugh. You are more than enough.”

She blushed and looked down. Lucy was terrible at taking a compliment. Winston always struggled to get her to accept one. Everyone struggled.

“Look, when you get back,” Winston said. “Back from Belfast, I can take you on some proper dates?”

She looked up at him. “Like… normal people? You would take me out… in public? Like… alone?”

“Yes, terrifying, isn’t it?”

“I haven’t been on a date since university,” Lucy said. “Forgive me. I don’t know how.”

Winston realised she was probably right. She and George had never gone public. She had been rumoured to be with George, but her plausible deniability was she was a friend of George’s friends and close to his twin. One did not date the Prince of Wales. One became engaged to the Prince of Wales. It was the same reason Nat and Ed were virtually in always hiding. It was sad. Lucy deserved better.

“I think you will be fine. Yeah, a proper date—in public. Tell me what you want to do or where you want to go.”

“We can go on a normal date,” she said, as if it were a novelty. “We can be normal. I can call you pet names in public and hold your hand and kiss you?”

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