Page 45 of The English Queen

“There are things I cannot do on my medication. So, I wanted to make sure it was all okay.”

“Does your body not tolerate the Valproate well? You have been on it for… ten years?”

“I have. It works well. However, it’s not safe in… pregnancy,” Beth said. “And, I know it takes a while to switch drugs if you want to become pregnant so… I want to try to see if we can find something else that works well enough so we can… you know.”

The doctor looked stunned for a moment. Beth was surprised by her own words. She’d gone back and forth about this appointment and finally agreed to just do it. She and Louis wanted—and needed—children.

“Yes, yes, I suppose,” he said. “We will need to titrate you off of the Valproate and onto another, safer drug. You are correct. Valproic Acid is not our preferred choice for women in your age group.”

“I got an IUD to cover it. I wouldn’t remove it until I was off of it.”

“Good,” the doctor said. “It is a months-long process. I’d go for Lamictal. You want to do this? Your staff and fiancé will need to be on the lookout. There can be changes and adverse reactions.”

“Well, I want to have a baby—we want to have a baby—so, yes.”

The doctor smiled slightly and nodded, “It would do us all a lot of good if there was a little one. I will need to see you every week to run blood titres.”

“This is why I am coming to you. That and I can’t keep flying to London to see my neurologist.”

The doctor nodded. “You’ll be Belgian now.”

“I will, yes. So strange.”

“It can be hard to fit in. It’s not the most homogeneous place. You have done well to try.”

“Historically, queens have been all foreign, so I’m not unique. Belgium is growing on me. It’s all good.”

Beth returned home with a calendar, explaining to her staff she needed to coordinate weekly appointments and what to look for in her transition from one drug to another. Her job was to take her drugs at the same time every day regardless of what she was up to. There was a high risk of seizure while she made the transition. And, moreover, she needed to set expectations with Louis. Despite the fact she had made this choice largely for his benefit, she was uncomfortable putting it to words. For some reason, saying she was doing this—risking it—so they could have a baby was still a bit odd. It felt high pressure.

Beth told Louis over dinner. “I’m switching medication. There might be some hiccups. I met the new doctor today and we have a strategy. My staff are aware.”

“Is it all that wise given where you’re at right now, bolleke?” Louis looked concerned.

“Don’t question me, Louis.” Beth snapped before softening. “Sorry… I … I know best here.”

“Oh… okay. But do you have a reason? I’m worried, mijn liefste.”

“I don’t want to get into it. I… I need you to trust me.”

“I do. I—”

“Louis, I don’t want to get into it, okay?”

“Okay. But if you can’t tell me—”

“I need to do this because I cannot fall pregnant without going off my medication. It takes months to transition off and onto something else. I am doing this for us. I told you it was complicated. I’m preparing for the inevitable.”

Louis looked at her confused. He said, “Really?”

“Yes, I don’t want to go through this hassle, darling, but I am willing to. It doesn’t mean we have to fall pregnant right away or there is any pressure. That’s why I don’t want to talk about it. I… I want to be prepared.”

Louis smiled slightly.

“Oh, stop. Don’t give me that cheeky look. I know the score.”

Louis chuckled. “Beth, it’s not exactly a chore to try.”

“Oh, I know. It’s frightening for me. The idea of giving my body up to another lifeform is… well, it’s a bit much. You don’t have to do any of it. And it’s… it’s risky for me.”

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