Page 18 of The English Queen

“I know. I know. But this was an extenuating circumstance. And it’s what caused my seizures to start again when I was a teenager.”

“What?”

Beth sounded catatonic. “Mum’s cancer. It’s back. Or she has a new one. I don’t quite understand. I’m scared, Louis. She has a brain tumour.”

“What?”

“She has this brain tumour and has to have surgery.”

“Well, but the doctors will be able to fix her,” Louis insisted.

“Not this time,” Beth said quietly. “Not this time. She can have time bought but… she will die. Soon.”

“Soon?”

“The hope is she makes it a year and a half. Louis, a year and a half. God. She’s never going to meet our children. She’ll never know them. Just like my namesake never knew me. Gran died too fast. She… won’t.”

Beth did not shed a tear. She did not cry often, but Louis expected it now. This was the time for tears. Her face wasn’t puffy. Her makeup was undisturbed. It was as if she was incapable of being sad. It must have been shock.

“I’m so sorry, Bethany.” Louis squeezed her hand. “I am so sorry.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Beth shook her head. She looked spacey.

“Don’t focus on that right now. I… I went through this. With Papa’s heart failure. He… he got the bad prognosis and… I felt like I was sleepwalking for a week.”

“I feel like I am sleepwalking now. Yes, that is a good analogy. I wouldn’t have believed today even happened if there weren’t photographic evidence of all of us going into Windsor.”

“How did everyone else react?”

“Duncan got so angry he went into the hall and screamed for what seemed like years. Robbie cried. Vanna wasn’t there. Natalie is ill and she was in London. By Robbie’s statement, this was a bit too close to home for her. Rebecca was gutted but went into oncology nurse mode trying to calm Duncan down. He was so broken. I have never seen him like that. Elliot was quiet like me. Neither of us knew what to say. So, we didn’t. I gave Mum a hug and told her I knew she was strong and would fight like hell, but… I dunno.”

“It’s hard. Everyone reacts differently. I had to give the news to all three of my siblings. Marta cried for three days. Marie was quiet. Luc cried a bit and then got on with it. He was never very close to my father.”

“Mummy is broken up but strong. She made peace last time, I think. Maybe she never believed in remission? Pa is broken. He’s beyond help… how was your mum?”

“At first? She couldn’t function,” Louis answered. “It was difficult to watch. I relied on my sisters to manage her. I had to focus on the job. Dad wasn’t coming back. I had to take over. I played regent and it fucking sucked. It was why when I met you and began to fall for you, I was determined to have you. It had been so hard, so thankless, and so isolating. You were everything. And I still am so, so grateful to have you–to have had you to lean on. By the time Dad died, I had made peace with it. It was sad but it I expected it. What was hard was taking on the job officially. No one could prepare me for that moment.”

“I am sorry, Louis.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, bolleke. You have been my rock. You’ve been here for us when we needed it. Now, we need to be here for you,” Louis sighed. “It’s such bullshit. I’m sorry, my love.”

“Thanks. Now what?”

“You grieve. You let yourself feel what you need to. You lean into being sad when you need to. You can be sentimental sometimes, but be grateful for those moments.”

“I don’t have time—”

“You don’t get time back, Beth. Things here can wait. People will understand, Beth. When you need time, please take it. When does she have surgery?”

“Next week. Robbie becomes regent. She’s not coming back. She’ll never be working again. Never again.” It appeared as though those words finally sank in for Beth.

“It’s difficult, but go stay with her. Make sure your brother and Vanna have support. Anything you can do to help, do it. Anything I can do for you to help, please let me know.”

“I want you to come with me,” Beth said. “But you can’t.”

Louis wished like anything he could say yes but he knew he could not. She knew he could not. He kissed Beth on the forehead and said, “I just can’t, Bethany. I wish I could.”

Beth gave a gentle nod. “I understand. I knew the answer. I still wanted you to know, Louis.”

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