Page 33 of The English Queen

Beth then joined an evening meeting with Louis and the cardinal via teleconference. It was silly, but this meeting was a requirement. Louis appreciated the time spent not talking for once. He always let Beth talk more whenever free to speak either French or English. Beth talked most in these meetings. Odd as things began with the cardinal, she now considered him a friend.

Beth rang Louis back after dinner.

“I’m not feeling much of anything. Yes, I’m in shock, but I’m on an island,” Beth said.

“How so, bolleke?” Louis asked.

“Well, my brothers are all gone. The only family who I have for the next five days is at hospital with Mum. And I am not allowed visit, apparently.”

“No, you are not. I understand. You feel lonely. You can’t do anything, but you must do everything?”

“That’s a good way to put it. Yes. Can I not be with you? Why can I not be with you?”

“I wish it were possible, my love. I am trying to get away this weekend. Even if I’m only in for a day. I’m guilty for how I’m leaving you–dealing with so much. You have to be worried.”

“I cried a lot,” Beth said. “But now… I’m numb. It’s almost like I had a seizure myself. I go numb after for a bit. That’s how I feel. It’s okay. Mum is okay and arguing with people. She’ll be home tomorrow, but Robbie needs me to stay on in case Aunt Sabine is again pulled away. It’s not fair to her, I suppose. This isn’t her chicken to fuck.”

“Chicken to fuck?”

“You’ve never heard that? It’s American, I think.”

“Nope. Haven’t.”

“Well, I always think you know everything American.”

Louis chuckled. “Clearly, I do not. What will you do now?”

“Uh, go practice my Dutch in my gilded cage.”

“You don’t have to, Bethany. You are doing so well.”

“I need to keep at it. I am shit with my sentence structure. I sound like an illiterate baby.”

“You sound adorable,” Louis said, sweetly. “Everyone loves you for trying so hard. It’s absolutely wonderful to see you attempt it. Anyway, many Francophones don’t speak Dutch. Your French is impeccable. No one will say anything to you.”

“You are too kind. No, it will keep my idle hands at bay. Dutch vocabulary and phrases are not sexy, Louis. No offence, but it’s not going to make me hot and bothered.”

“How can you even think about sex?!”

“When I’m stressed, I am worse. Besides, remember the day before your father’s funeral? You should talk, Louis.”

He chuckled and sighed. He said, “I love you, mijn liefste. You make me laugh.”

“I don’t try. It’s just my life is one big disaster.”

“It’s not. You are far from disastrous. Your life is complicated because of me more than your mother.”

“Eh, I love you,” Beth said. “I love my mum but… she’s complicated. You are less so.”

“Am I?” Louis chuckled.

“You are. You are sweet and kind and tell me you love me every day. You make me feel like I’m not a complete fuckup.”

“You are anything but, Beth. Don’t you realise? Or, at least, you should. I love you so much, Beth,” Louis said, sounding tired.

“I should go. Let you sleep.”

“You’ll be up all hours. I know you. You’ll finish your studying only to go sit in front of a piano and work on something. Play that one thing I like?”

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