Page 4 of The Loathing

Nate stands slowly before sitting next to me. I know he struggles with things like this, he is all awkward and shit. He pats my knee a couple of times in an awkward way, completely stiff.

“I know man,” I sniff, my breath shuddering on my intake.

He doesn’t have to say anything, but I know what he means. This will pass. I will come back from this and they will have my back, always.

Keaton swoops in front of me, his hands on his hips.

“Any idea what happened?” his question is blunt and to the point.

Nate’s eyes lift, scrunching his nose as he pushes his glasses up it.

“No man, I drew her a bath, filled it with all the salts and shit that she likes.”

“Well, if you filled it with shit, that might have been your first wrong move.”

“Keaton,” Nate snipes at him once more, his voice loud and I turn to face him, I have never heard Nate raise his voice. He is so quiet and timid. He always has been. Always kept his head down.

I roll my eyes, shaking my head from side to side.

“She was fine this morning, we were laughing and joking. We had a lovely lazy Sunday morning, I don’t know what I did wrong…”

“Who said it was you who did wrong?” Keaton asks as he kneels down in front of me, “Why are you assuming it was you?” I blink, words fail me. “What if it was her? Maybe there was something going on that we didn’t know about? Postpartum depression? I mean, Arizona is only three months old. That could be something to think about?”

I let out a slow and steady breath, my palms rubbing up and down my jeans as I try and remove the clamminess off my hands.

“I mean…”

“Or maybe she just needed a breather? Maybe she has gone on a walk?” Nate reasons, trying to take this conversation down a different route.

“Maybe,” I nod, letting my head fall as I pick the skin round my nail bed but doubt soon settles back in when I look at the empty closet.

“Have you tried calling her?” Keaton asks, slipping his phone out his back pocket and handing it to me.

I shake my head from side to side, “I went into panic mode,” I swallow the thickness down.

“Well, let’s try that first shall we,” Keaton smiles at me, scrolling through his phone and clicking on Sharon’s name.

We met Sharon in school, she was the year behind us and we began dating in sophomore year, we always liked each other but we wanted to get through most of school before we even contemplated dating. We were all friends so Keaton calling her wouldn’t be unusual.

I watch as Keaton lifts the phone to his ear, turning away from me for a moment as he paces back and forth in the room.

He looks at me over his shoulder and I see the grimace on his face before he faces me, cutting the phone off.

“No answer,” he rubs his cheek before dragging his hand round to his mouth.

“But her phone is on?” Nate asks, standing up and pushing his glasses up his nose again.

“Yeah.”

“Then I can track it,” he smiles, rambling away as he heads towards the door, “I’m going to drive to the office and grab my laptop,” and before I could even respond he was gone and I was left with Keaton.

“Come on, let’s go and get you a drink,” he slips his phone in his back pocket and steps back as I reluctantly lug myself from the bed.

I pass him, completely numb. The silence unsettles me as I float down the stairs, not even sure how my legs are carrying me forward.

Keaton pats me on the back before giving me a reassuring shoulder rub as I turn the bottom of the stairs and walk down towards the living area.

I step into the room and see Kaleb sitting on the sofa snuggling into Arizona, his eyes lifting to mine, and I can see the pain behind them.

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