Page 20 of The Loathing

“I just have no idea what to expect,” I admit, looking back at my suitcase and sigh.

“Want me to have a look? Maybe I can help?”

I give her a soft nod, not that I really need her help, but it’s nice for her to offer and want to help so I let her do it. Makes her feel a little more important too.

She is too grown up, she always was. She mothered me from the moment she could, which was amazing really seeing as she didn’t have a mother figure to look up to, it’s just been me and her since. It took a lot for me to move from Long Island, but I knew we needed the fresh start, plus I wanted to be closer to the guys. We shared childcare between us with work, it made it a little easier that we owned our own business so we could take her in if really needed. It was hard, but we made it work. We got into a flow, a rhythm, a routine.

One day I spoke to a realtor, told them I wanted to live on the upper west side, central park side and she told me a wonderful ground floor apartment had just come on the market. Walking round it instantly felt like home. The high ceilings, the large sash windows, the backyard for Arizona. It had everything I wanted. I put an offer in only to be told that the upstairs apartment was on the market. Of course, I had to go and look and it just felt like both of the apartments would be the perfect home for the both of us. I got the architects in who said that the two apartments used to be a town house and the attic area was actually the third floor. I had no need for all of that space, so we went ahead and renovated it back to it’s original build, minus the third floor.

We had stone-colored tiles throughout the hallway and into the kitchen, carpet in the living room and dining room and my office had a dark, oak wooden floor. The upstairs had bathrooms to each of the three bedrooms and one large master bathroom. I carpeted all the upstairs, I wanted to make it more homely upstairs for Arizona as she was growing up. The carpets were grey upstairs with white walls, very minimalistic but I changed my mind a lot when I came to décor, as did Arizona so we decided that we would keep most of the rooms similar.

We were happy here, it was our home and I never envisioned us leaving. I came to terms a long time ago after Sharon left that it would just be me and Arizona until she met the love of her life and left me. I never wanted to her to leave me, but I would never be bitter or push her away just because she wants to love someone other than me.

She asked once, when she was sixteen where her mom was and sure, I could have lied, but I didn’t. I sat her down and explained the story, I didn’t leave a single detail out. I never wanted her to think I lied to her. And if, by some miracle, Sharon decided to come back one day, Arizona would already know my side of the story, leaving Sharon to tell hers.

But honestly, I don’t think she will ever come back. It’s been twenty-one years and she has never shown up. No messages, no birthday cards, no Christmas cards. Nothing. She cut Arizona out of her life the second she decided to walk out that door.

But we got on with it.

Of course, we did.

I gave her enough love from just me, she will never go unloved. Ever. She is the love of my life; she will always be the love of my life.

I see her clicking her fingers in front of me, trying to gain my attention.

“Right,” she huffs, putting her hands on her hips, “I think that’s a little more organized, what do you think?” she asks as I look over at the suitcase that lay open on the bed. All my pants and jeans are folded into small little parcel rolls and piled next to each other. My tees and jerseys are neatly folded into little squares and placed in two tidy piles. My shirts are hanging along with my suit jackets.

“We can lay them on top in the morning, no point trying to squeeze them in now, but yeah, I think you’re packed,” she says with accomplishment strong in her voice.

“And are you packed?” I ask, wrapping my arm round her shoulders and dragging her into my hold.

“Ha!” she scoffs, her body shaking softly as she chuckles, “Not yet, I’ll do it Sunday morning.”

“Ari!” I bellow, “How can you be so organized with everything else but not yourself?” I ask and she shrugs her shoulders up. “No idea, but it works,” she nudges into me before pressing on her toes and placing a kiss on my cheek.

“Now, go to work,” she gives me a firm nod before she glides out of the room.

“Ugh, work,” I drag my hand across my face and groan. “I need a vacation,” I say to the empty room.

Grabbing my suit jacket that I folded over the back of the armchair in my bedroom, I pull it on. We had a meeting today with two new investors, one of them being Killian. I don’t agree with mixing work and family, but who am I to say?

Grabbing my phone, I make my way downstairs and grab the cup of coffee Arizona had made me in a travel cup.

“Thank you, Sunshine,” I smile, stepping towards her and placing a kiss on her forehead.

“Dad, the kisses need to stop,” she swats me away.

“Never, you’re my baby girl. I get to kiss you all the time,” and I see her dimples appear as I walk out into the hallway, grabbing my car keys off the side. “I’ll see you tonight, make sure you pack!” I call out and she shouts back.

“Yeah, yeah, see you tonight.”

A laugh bubbles out of me as I open the front door and close it gently behind me. The wind is soft as it blows the cherry blossom petals off the trees that line the sidewalks. I love the cherry blossom trees, but they bloom for such a small amount of time before the confetti falls around us and leaving the branches stripped bare. Stepping down the steps that lead to my front door, I open the black iron gate and step onto the sidewalk. Unlocking my Jeep, I climb in. I could walk, but honestly, I can’t be bothered. I’ll just work extra hard in the gym tonight, burn of some extra calories. The drive is short, and I am grateful there isn’t any traffic. This is my last workday in the office now until I am back in a few weeks. I say a few weeks but I have no idea how long I’ll be there for, I am just hoping it’s only a few weeks. I am not up for staying long term. My job is to keep her safe, just until Xavier has taken out the Knight brothers. The problem is, how long will it take him to do it. But from what I’ve heard on Xavier ‘the fixer’ Archibald is that he is quick, precise, and clean as fuck. He leaves no trace so what baffles me is that he managed to fuck this up somehow and is now dealing with the repercussions of it all. Honestly, I’ve always had a feeling in my gut if something was off, and ninety-nine-point nine percent of the time, I am right.

And right now, with this situation, something in my gut feels off. I just don’t know what.

Stepping up to the main door of the office, I press my key fob against the pad and push through the door. Waiting for the elevator, for some reason nerves ripple through me and it unsettles me. I wouldn’t say I am nervous about going over to England, but I am apprehensive and a little unsettled about the whole thing. Leaving my life here in America, leaving my baby with Keaton. I have no doubt she will be okay; Ari can hold her own. But Keaton sometimes forgets where the line is, and when the line comes to my daughter, he needs to stay the fuck away.

The doors ping open, and I am greeted by Keaton, Kaleb, Nate and Killian. He seems to have just slotted right in, and as much as we were all a little apprehensive about it at first, it was like he was never not part of our entourage.

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